SIDS and Kids Queensland April 2012 Edition
Transcription
SIDS and Kids Queensland April 2012 Edition
enigma SIDS and Kids Queensland April 2012 Edition We would like to say a huge thank you to Tiina Cook from Strategy and Action who has generously donated her time to design this edition of our magazine. contents Enigma | SIDS and Kids Queensland SIDS and Kids Queensland publishes Enigma twice a year in support of individuals and families who have lost a baby or child regardless of the cause Our Mission Statement To reduce the rate of stillbirths, neonatal deaths and SIDS and to provide ongoing bereavement support to families who have experienced the death of a child, including sudden and unexpected deaths SIDS and Kids Queensland Management Committee President Michael Ward Vice President Michele Freemantle (Inaugural Life Member) Treasurer Mark Jones Secretary Carly Ashwood Member Professor Paul Colditz Member Michelle Pollitt SIDS and Kids Queensland Contact Details SIDS and Kids Queensland The Todd Freemantle Centre 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 PO Box 241 Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 Ph Fax 07 3849 7122 07 3849 7121 24 Hour Bereavement Support Line 1800 628 648 Email Web [email protected] www.sidsandkids.org/qld www.rednoseday.com.au Publication Rights | Enigma SIDS and Kids Queensland’s policy is to provide a medium for communication between members and friends of SIDS and Kids Queensland. Opinions and views expressed in Enigma are not necessarily the opinion or view of SIDS and Kids Queensland, unless otherwise stated. Team Member Messages Red Nose Day 2012 Memorial Service Events Feature Article Precious Memories Your Story Donations in Loving Memory Remembrance Dates 4 6 7 8 11 15 25 32 34 Original Articles are welcomed. Editorial rights are reserved. No part of Enigma may be reproduced without appropriate prior permission. Acknowledgement of SIDS and Kids Queensland and/or the author is required. | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 3 ceo’s message counsellor’s message Derek Brown Esther Elliott MBA (INTERNATIONAL) aBSc, PGDipMLSc, GDipGENC, M.A.C.A (2) CEO SIDS AND KIDS QLD COUNSELLOR There is a quote that says “the only person who likes change is a baby with a dirty nappy”. We can also be certain that the only constant in life these days seems to be change. Changes at home, in our work and society is a regular part of life that we all seem familiar with but can find difficult or challenging to embrace or understand at times. In stark contrast however, one thing I have personally experienced and witnessed all my life is that a Mother’s love for her children (both past and present) no matter what the circumstance does not change. With very few guaranteed constants in life today – what a truly amazing accomplishment this is throughout a person’s life. Something that quite possibly, only a mother could do and nobody else. No matter who you are and what station of life you find yourself at right now, let us all take the time on Mother’s Day to reflect on a Mother’s love – a love that endures forever. An unconditional love that can outlast any circumstance and even outlast our memories. I wish you peace, happiness, hope and much love for all your loved ones, this Mother’s Day. I hope you all enjoy this edition of Enigma, as much as you have enjoyed the printed versions. We are all passionate about striving to improve the quality, content and support this magazine offers. Thank you for your understanding during this transitional time. It’s been another difficult patch with more natural disasters and adverse weather, which may have brought back memories from early in 2011. With these tough times comes a greater need for self care and awareness. Take some time out to be with your friends and family and to do the things you enjoy. Mother’s day is also creeping near and for many of you this is a bitter sweet day. Preparing yourself for what the day may bring may help you to tackle any difficulties. Make a plan of what you would like to do on the day and share it will the rest of the family. That way everyone else will know how you are feeling and what you would prefer to do that day. Remember the Memorial Garden is always open for you to come in and spend some special time with your child. If you do have some concerns on your mind, you are welcome to phone or come in and see me anytime. There is also a special page in Enigma for mother’s day called ‘Chocolates and Tear Drops’. Keep an eye out on the new support groups, workshops and events that will be on offer this year. By following us on Facebook, you’ll be sure to stay in the know. I hope the rest of the year is filled with peace, comfort and love. I know your journey through grief is a very difficult one, but know that you are not alone in your grief. SIDS and Kids and our families are always on hand to offer support. Yours sincerely, Derek Brown CEO SIDS & Kids QLD administration message Warm regards, Esther Welcome to this edition of our Enigma magazine. I have the privilege of being one of the new editors of the magazine and we are very passionate about making this the best magazine possible. To help us to do this I invite you all to send me your feedback on what you liked (and what you didn’t like) and any suggestions you have. We have introduced a new section in this edition called “Your Story” to complement our “Precious Memories” pages. While the Precious Memories pages are dedicated to sending a message to your child, Your Story is an opportunity for anyone (parent, grandparent, aunty or uncle) who has experienced the loss of a child to write about their life after the loss. The story could be about the day of the loss, how it has changed your life’s journey, how it has changed you as a person, or anything else you would like to write about. We have some beautiful stories for you to read in this edition. Kim Bell We look forward to receiving your submissions for the December edition. Please send them to [email protected] Warm wishes, Kim EDITORS: Kim Bell and Esther Elliott. DESIGNER: Tiina Cook. I was thinking of you today, And how painful it might be, To have lived through the death of your child When that was never the way You saw their life to be. On this day when children honor their mother… Though they are not here to tell you, Always their mother, you shall be. For though your child has died before you, So painful to imagine. Your child lives on within you, And to all who know you well. The light of your child will always Return to touch you; And in a quiet voice, whisper words of love. This is not a mother’s day you ever planned. That sorrow and loss, I respect. Words do not say enough. My thoughts are with you on a day Of sadness and memories, For you, their mother. - Anon | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 5 red nose day 2012 fundraising news This year we celebrate 25 years of Red Nose Day. To celebrate the Queensland office are doing “Decorate a Red Nose”. As many of you may already know we are asking families if they would like to decorate a Red Nose. Once we have received all of the noses back we hope to be able to find an artist to put them all together to make a piece of art. You can decorate it anyway you would like, here are a few ideas – use sequins, glitter, tiny photo’s of your child, jewels or paint it. We will start sending the noses out to everyone in April so please let us know if you would like to take part by emailing Kim at [email protected] or call 3849 7122. BURNT ORANGE CAFE: In Memory Fundraiser An event was held recently at the Burnt Orange Cafe at Scarborough in memory of Greg and Deborah and Glen and Jeanine’s babies sadly lost at the end of 2010. Funds raised on the night have been kindly donated to SIDS and Kids Queensland. The event was organised by Deborah, Jeanine, Barbara Kassimatis and Francis Borg (SIDS and Kids external counselor) with the help of many others. A big thank you to everyone involved for your hard work and dedication to make this event happen. memorial service Our December 2011 Memorial: What a wonderful service it was, with around 100 attendees coming together to remember and celebrate our children. Many parents chose to read out their child’s name as their images were proudly displayed up on screen. The soft tones of the choir helped to make it was a touching service that reflected the love and community spirit from all who attended. We had beautiful gift bags filled with lovingly donated items and the service closed with a heart warming butterfly release and afternoon tea. We would like to say another big thank you to Butterfly Releases for their very generous assistance with the butterflies. It was one of the high-lights of the day. The service was also made that much more special from the donated gifts and assistance offered by our volunteers. Your support means more than you know! We look forward to seeing you all once again this December. Our doors are always open to new families, so please come along and celebrate your child with us. THANKS TO: Australian Catholic University Carly Marie Keryn Lapwood Dot Ewing Jan Price Queensland University Musical Society Butterfly Releases Kylie Darbey Helen Baumann Von Barns Chris Slilva | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 7 coming event relaxation and meditation workshop SIDS and Kids will be holding a Relaxation and Meditation workshop at our Mt Gravatt office on Saturday the 5th of May from 10am to 11.30am. It will be facilitated by Kevin McNamara (www. motherswhohavelostachild.com) and our Counselor Esther Elliott. If you would like to attend please RSVP by Wednesday 2nd of may to [email protected] or 3849 7122. Wear your comfy clothes and come and relax with us. We look forward to seeing you on the day! scrap for yaz journal decorating day The SIDS and Kids group joined Yasminah’s Gift of Hope group for a Journal decorating day in memory of Yasminah Aziz. These beautiful journals were by mums who have lost a child as well as our Support Team at SIDS and Kids. The journals will be donated to bereaved parents in the hope of offering them some comfort during a very difficult time. This day is a reminder that bereaved parents are never alone in their loss. Find Hope to keep you strong… Find Light to lead the way… Find Love all around you… And Happiness one day Scrap for Yasminah SIDS and Kids Mt Gravatt 23 March 2012 treasured babies boxes an invitation for our mothers... A national Study headed by Social Worker and Researcher Stephanie Azri would like to invite women who have received a prenatal diagnosis at any stage and were offered to terminate their pregnancy (regardless of option chosen) are invited to participate in a research study looking at the effects of psychosocial support on women’s well being after a prenatal diagnosis. The study will involve a survey. For more information or to participate, please contact Stephanie on 0403774459 or [email protected] If you would like to discuss this study with our Counsellor Esther Elliott, you are welcome to email for call us on [email protected] or 3849 7122 Esther has had the pleasure of delivering donated gifts items to hospitals across Brisbane, Ipswich and the Gold Coast. The Treasured Babies Boxes are filled with beautiful knitted clothing and blankets, washers, naming certificates and teddies, all of which have been lovely made and donated by our supporters. We also regularly donate knitted items to the coroner and funeral parlours. By offering these items, we hope to bring a little comfort and support to newly bereaved parents. Thank you again for your generous donations. | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 9 assisting grief Thank you to the following individuals and companies who can offer exclusive services to our parents and families to remember their baby and child, and help them along their journey of grief. close to the heart names in the sand Sue Jordan specialises in personalised memorial jewellery. She helps to create a memory that is both a cathartic and therapeutic experience. A dream inspired me to visit the beach and write Christian’s name in the sand. Since that day in the winter of 2008 I have written over 10,400 children’s names in the sand. Capture poems, images, flowers, fingerprints or ashes in fine silver lockets, memory balls, keepsakes, or bracelets to keep close to the heart. It is a simple act that recognises a life. Christian’s sunset photograph has brought us much peace. It is framed next to photos of our beautiful girls and reminds anybody that we did have a son and that he is just as loved as our girls are. 5% of sales is donated to SIDS and Kids Queensland to assist in a range of bereavement support services. www.sueellasignatures.com.au Visit my online seashore memorial on my website: www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com yasminah’s gift of hope Yasminah’s Journals are a very special keepsake that allows families to keep ultrasound images, photos, cot cards, arm bands, and foot and hand prints as a cherished keepsake of a precious life. We encourage families to write about their journey. Families can write down details and memories about their child to treasure forever. www.womenonwalks.com.au A Gift Of Hope. Brooke Taylor is an amazing, talented artist who has offered to provide a complimentary A4 size drawing for bereaved families of their child. Live butterfly’s for release Weddings and Funeral’s Anniversaries and romantic occasions Birthdays and parties All special occasions and events www.butterflyreleases.com.au If you have lost a child (or grandchild etc) and you are interested in having a drawing done or would like to find out about Brookes other artwork, please contact Brooke at brookietaylor@ hotmail.com. www.facebook.com/drawing.from.the.heart chocolates and teardrops Mother’s day is often a bitter sweet day. One filled with the joy of motherhood as well as the sadness of living without your child. The passing of time does ease some of the pain but the arrival of Mother’s day can bring that heavy weight in your heart back to the surface. How do you smile and celebrate your great efforts at motherhood while desperately longing to hold your child again? All around you families are celebrating the day together, unaware of the sadness hidden behind the mask you wear. You may tell yourself you should smile for the sake of your family. Well, maybe Mother’s day should be the day you take off your mask and invite yourself to openly express your feelings. Allow yourself to cry over your child’s photo or tiny outfit. Give yourself an hour alone to speak to your child and light a candle. Buy yourself something nice on behalf of your child... do whatever feels right for you. Mother’s day is a day where you appear at the top of the family’s priority list so treat yourself. A little pampering on the outside could bring you peace on the inside. Counsellor Esther Elliott “I could not imagine going on with out her, until I realised she could go on with me” - Dana, Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah Davis. | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 11 support groups SIDS and Kids Queensland hold groups at our office in Mt Gravatt, and we also have groups at other locations including Gold Coast, Brisbane Northside and Sunshine Coast. For any enquiries please contact our office or the group facilitator listed. Remember everyone is welcome and we hope you can join us at any of ourr groups. GOLD COAST GROUP WHEN: 1st Friday of the Month 10am-12 noon WHERE: 12/10 Enterprise St, Molendinar CHERISHED MEMORIES CRAFT GROUP Aug 3rd Oct 5th WHEN: Facilitator Jan Bond Sept 7th Nov 2nd RSVP to Jan Bond Ph: 5568 0924 SUNSHINE COAST GROUP Facilitator Monika Mann WHEN: 3rd Wednesday of the Month 10am-12 noon WHERE: 36-38 Main Street, Palmwoods August 15th Sept 19th Oct 17th Nov 21st Facilitator Esther Elliott & Kylie Darby 3rd Friday of the Month 10am-12 noon WHERE: SIDS & Kids Office, 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt vatt please keep an eye on facebook and our website for new workshops! All materials provided free of charge and you create a beautiful scrapbooking page which is yours to keep. No experience necessary and children most welcome. Come along and be a part of this therapeutic and supportive group. Aug 17th Sept 14th Oct 19th Nov 16th RSVP to Monika Ph: 5457 3329 NORTHSIDE SUPPORT GROUP Facilitator Francis Borg WHEN: 3rd Tuesday of the Month 10am-12 noon WHERE: 2/75 Dunsford Street, ZILLMERE MANAGING GRIEF GROUP Facilitator Esther Elliott WHEN: 2nd Wednesday of the Month 10am-12 noon WHERE: SIDS & Kids Office, 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt Aug 21st Sept18th Oct 16th Nov 20th RSVP to Francis Borg Ph: 3263 8586 STEPS TO HEALING WALKING GROUP Facilitator Esther Elliott WHEN: Last Saturday of the Month 9am - 10.30am WHERE: SIDS & Kids Office, 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt Aug 25th Sept 29th Nov 24th For further information or to register your interest in attending, please contact us Please RSVP to Esther Ph: 38497122 Oct 27th Walking, combined with therapy is a great way to assist with grief and healing. We will walk for one hour and cater for all fitness levels. Bring walking shoes, a hat and water bottle. Followed by morning tea afterwards. RSVP to Esther Elliott Ph: 38497122 Open to all bereaved parents who would like to share their memories after the loss of their child. Any issues and topics are welcome for discussion within this supportive group setting. Aug 8th Sept 12th Oct 10th Nov 14th RSVP to Esther Elliott Ph: 38497122 IPSWICH SUPPORT GROUP new! Facilitator Esther Elliott WHEN: 1st Thursday of the Month 9.30am – 11.30pm WHERE: Ipswich Library – 40 South Street Ipswich Held in a private room within the library. This group offers a safe and comfortable environment to share your story. Facilitate by a qualified counselor. Please contact us for more information or to RSVP by Tuesday prior. Phone: 3849 7122 July 5th (Meet and Greet) Sept 6th Oct 4th Aug 2nd Nov 1st RSVP to Esther Elliott Ph: 38497122 cherished memories This group has been bringing comfort and support to its members for five and half years. Kylie D and Kylie J produce beautiful scrapbooking page designs, which are brought to life over therapeutic discussion and morning tea each month. Our Counsellor Esther ensures the environment is relaxed, supportive and safe for all our parents and their children. This is a very special group and we welcome new members so call and register your interest today. The group and all the materials are offered free of charge from the generous support from the Lord Mayor’s Fund. RSVP on 3849 7122. name plaques For any of our families who attended our Memorial Wall opening last year, you would know that we offer a plaque of your child’s name free of charge to put on the wall. We would now like to offer to get a plaque made for your home (or wherever you would like to place it) for a charge of $11.50. If you would like us to order you a plaque for our garden or a plaque for you to keep please contact us at queensland@sidsqld. com.au or call Kim on 3849 7122 resolutions for bereaved parents RESOLVE: • That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a timetable on my grief. • That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and that I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving. • That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels that I should be “brave” or “getting better” or “healing by now”. • That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let other turn me off just because they can’t deal with their own feelings. • That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel; understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how I feel. • That I will not blame myself for my child’s death, and I will constantly remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass. • That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary. • That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won’t feel compelled to explain this communion to others or even discuss this with them. • That I will try to eat, sleep and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief. • To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time. • To let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better. • To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous – that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping backward, it is also a normal part of the grief process and these moods, too, will pass. • To try to be happy about something for part of everyday, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit. • That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression or grief. • That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do. FROM HTTP://BABYEMMA.MEMORY-OF.COM/ IN IFFA NEWSLETTER DECEMBER 2007 precious memories The Mention of My Child’s Name The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul. AUTHOR UNKNOWN. The following pages are dedications to the precious babies and children who have passed away. precious memories and your stories SIDS and Kids Queensland welcomes your Precious Memories and Your Story contributions to be included in our Enigma Publication. This can be in memory of your child’s birthday or anniversary. It can be a poem, your child’s story or any other piece you may like to include. The next Edition of Enigma will be published in December 2012. If you would like to have your Precious Memories or Your Story included in the next issue please complete the details below. Alternatively please email your submission to [email protected]. You can include photos or pictures so please send them with your Precious Memories by beginning of November 2012. If Precious memories are received after the closing date we cannot guarantee your story will be published. IMPORTANT NOTICE - COPYRIGHT We understand the importance of including poems and remembering your children and we wish to continue to include these in our publication. To protect copyright, would you please ensure that any poems submitted to SIDS and Kids Queensland do not infringe on any copyright laws, by please ensuring that any poem submitted, whether an actual poem or an adapted poem, has the permission of the author. The name of the author is to be included at the end of the poem where known, or author’s name and adapted by, or author unknown where the originator of the poem is not known. No stories or images from this magazine are to be copied or reproduced without parental consent. Would you like any donations you have made to be published in ‘Donations in Loving Memory’ in the next Enigma? YES NO Would you like your child remembered in the Birthdates? Would you like your child remembered in the Anniversaries? YES YES NO NO Child’s Name:_____________________________________________________________________________ Date of Birth:_____________________________Date of Death:_____________________________________ I hereby give consent to have my child’s Precious Memories or Your Story and/or Donation in Loving Memory published in SIDS and Kids Queensland Engima. I am aware that this magazine is publicly accessible online. Name:______________________________________Signature:_____________________________________ Daytime Contact Number:______________________________________ Please return your contribution via email to [email protected] Maggie Ellen Hoover Our Dear Baby Girl Maggie, I cannot believe it has been a year since you were taken from us.. But there is not a moment in any given day that I don’t think about you or wish that you were here with us again...we would do anything to have you back here with us! I sit here everyday wondering and wondering what you would look like now? What colour your hair would be? How big are you? Who’s looking after you way up there...the list could go on forever I never ever stop thinking! Your big brother has recently had his 4th Birthday and he had a really great time. He asks about you often like when are you coming home? When can we go to heaven to visit Maggie Mum? He also has told me that if he got 5 minutes to talk to you he would ask for you “Never go back up to heaven” and also said he would pick you up just like “Hulk” and protect you. Our first Christmas without you was testing...I just couldn’t smile and be happy because there was a part of us missing and it just didn’t feel right. We spent the day at Nanny and Poppy’s place with all your Auntie’s and Uncle’s and all of your little cousins. I think you and Piper would have been the best of friends...holding her and sharing that special time with her brings me a lot of comfort. I hope one day Mummy and Daddy will have another baby to love just like we love you..Peyton would really like that! Did you like the little birthday party we threw for you? I hope u liked the balloons and the cake that Aunty Trina and Uncle Ben had made special for us...it tasted so good. We have been trying to make the sad days as positive as possible but sometimes it is just so hard...Im still trying to understand why this had to happen...not just to us but anyone...its not fair! I know you are ok up there and you don’t like seeing me sad.. so I try not to cry the tears just start to flow and I have no control over it. Can’t wait for the day I see you again hopefully in my dreams...every night...that would be nice! I do feel your presence around us sometimes and that bring me a lot of comfort to know that you are still around even though we can’t see you..I hope 2012 brings our family happy days...we love you baby girl today, tomorrow and always. You will always be in our hearts Love Mummy, Daddy and Peyton xo xo xo | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 17 Lucas Michael Walker Our dearest little Lucas Who was so pure and so true It’s not at all right What has happened to you Where did you go Why did you leave You should have gone home And been able to believe We know you’re okay And know that you’re happy But it shouldn’t be this way It’s just no way to be Our dearest little Lucas Whose hands were so small You were so young When you had left us all These days are so different They’re no way the same It’s now filled with sadness So many tears and so much pain Our dearest little Lucas Who only had 8 short weeks You touched so many hearts In the time you spent here You’re looking down from above With your beautiful wings But we miss you so much And it’s so hard to stop weeping Take care of your Mommy Always be by her side Give her sweet kisses While she’s sleeping at night Our dearest little Lucas You may no longer be here But know we love you dearly And we know you’re always near Anonymous Miss you buddy, RIP Rorrie William Forrester-Bailey 19th April 2010 ~ 28th May 2010 To Darling Rorrie my “Angel baby”, Another Christmas came and went, the second without you. Your family and nieces and nephew and other family and friends were there. There was a huge hole in my heart that you couldn’t be there; it was a great day but……. A new year, this April on the 19th you would be turning two. I look at other children similar ages and I remember your brother James at this age. It’s such a fun, cute and amazing age and time. It breaks my heart to not be going through this with you. You were not with us for long but I miss you and want to hold you in my arms. I don’t think time spent is a factor, you were my dream come true that I never thought I would have. I love you, I miss you. I will never forget you, you perfect, beautiful, gorgeous, little guy. Love always and forever, your mummy xoxox …………………………………………………………………… Dear bubba, my son, my first, Missing you all the time and wishing we hadn’t lost you. I’m being strong and have been now for awhile. Your second birthday is coming around and surely you see us at your place with tears. So, mummy is staying strong now but has her moments. Don’t worry; I’ll be there for her. Hoping to catch up with you soon son, still loving you always. Your daddy, Craig xxxxxxoooooo! …………………………………………………………………… To our darling grandson “Rorrie” This was to be your second birthday but it was not meant to be. Your short life has left us with wonderful happy memories of a beautiful little boy, never to be forgotten. Your loving Nanna (Ruth) and Pops (Nev) …………………………………………………………………… The day you went away – Nanna (Karren) May the 28th you went away, and only god knows why the angels need you to play My heart was broken the day you went away I cry and visit you often, and I hear you say “Nan I know your heart was broken, but I really could not stay The Angels called me on that sunny day, the day I went away” Xoxo From Grandpa (Phil) and Barb A tradgedy for one so sweet and innocent, memories will travel with us always xxxx | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 19 Johnny Tudor Brewer 11th October 2010 ~ 11th April 2011 Our beautiful son, brother, grandson, great grandson, nephew, cousin and friend We just celebrated Johnny’s 1st birthday as a family. No need to say how difficult it was as I’m sure you can relate or imagine. Johnny’s big sister Lucy loved the day opening his presents and especially the cake. This has been the greatest challenge of our life, and the change that has come from it has not been easy, however we are getting there. Our son was lucky enough to experience love. We were lucky to experience his love too. I see him in our daughter, I see him in my husband, I see him in me. Love for eternity our Johnny T. Mummy, Daddy and Lucy Joy xoxo Hayley Alana Darbey 19th May 2007 ~ 1st June 2007 Happy 5th Birthday in Heaven Our Sweet Baby Girl I can’t believe it’s been almost 5 years since I held you in my arms & kissed your beautiful face. We think about you everyday & love you & miss you so very much. We’ll have a special cake for you on your birthday & send you some special birthday balloons. Hayden asks about you all the time & asks why we can’t go in a plane to heaven to pick you up ;( It absolutely breaks my heart & I wish so badly that we could. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl. Love you always & forever♥ Mummy, Daddy, Hayden & Hamish xoxoxo | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 21 Alexander John Turner 18th October 2010 ~ 16th February 2011 To Our dearest Alexander, How can we have already gone a whole year without you. We miss you so much. We had a picnic at the park mummy and daddy were married at for your 1st Angelversary, it was a calm quiet day with lots of thoughts of you. Your sister turned 3 in January we love watching her grow but miss not being able to watch you grow with her into the handsome young man we knew you would have been. There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t think of you or speak your name. I thought of you when I read this and added your name. It’s so hard to remember, that a family is forever, now the room is empty, only mementos remain, oh, how I long to hold him, to ease the constant pain. A family is forever, thought separated by time it’s so hard to remember what remains needs attention your mind drifts to the moments, you once all shared, when your family was forever, before Alex was gone. Forever is longer than we shall ever know forever is longer even when there is time to grow. A family is forever, that much I do know. Forever in our hearts our precious little boy Love mummy and daddy Xx Maddison Suzanne Erwin 25th November 2004 Dearest Maddison, Your little sister has arrived safe and sound. My first glimpse of Matilda, after they pulled her from my belly was a little overwhelming, she looked just like you! I am trying so hard not to think, very often, that looking after her is what I missed out on with you (which in a way it is) and try to see it as just my experiences with Matilda. Hamish is such a wonderful big brother so caring and gentle. Thank you for sending us your little brother and sister, we are so lucky to have them in our lives. Our little family now complete, including our beautiful angel watching over us. We love you and miss you every day. Lots of love Mummy, Daddy, Hamish and Matilda. xoxox | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 23 Keegan Rhys Hardy I feel, ne. 28th November 2002 ~ 9th March 2003 Keegan, soon you would have your 9th birthday with Bayden! Wow, where has the time gone. Bayden is growing up so fast, yet time has also been so slow. We miss you every day our precious angel, our lives will never be the same without you xox “I know I’ll see the sun shine bright upon my baby’s face.... When I finally get to heaven, all my pain will be erased. We’ll soar the skies together, as angels two by two. We’ll have a sweet reunion, this mother’s dream come true!” UNKNOWN Forget us not Our beautiful son You left us way too soon Although we cannot hug and hold you You are forever in our thoughts and heart As precious and beautiful as your twin brother Our love for you will never be gone. All our love Mummy and Daddy About the ones you grieve for Because you sadly miss And the gentle breeze you took for granted Was just......... “an angel’s kiss.” UNKNOWN You never said you’re leaving You never said goodbye You were gone before I knew it, And only God knew why. A million times I needed you, A million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. In life I loved you dearly In death I love you still In my heart you hold a place, That nobody could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you didn’t go alone For part of me went with you, The day God took you home. ~Unknown For our little angel Keegan Rhys Hardy For our brother Keegan Rhys Hardy. We go through life so often Not stopping to enjoy the day, And we take each one for granted As we travel on our way. Love Lincoln, Bayden (your twin) and your little sister Emersen xox We never stop to measure Anything we just might miss, But if the wind should blow by softly You’ll feel an angel’s kiss. The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom, Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon. But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be, Touches the world in some small way For all eternity. The little one we long for Was swiftly here and gone. But the love that was then planted Is a light that still shines on. And though our arms are empty, Our hearts know what to do. Every beating of our hearts Says of our love for you. A kiss that is sent from Heaven A kiss from up above, A kiss that is very special From someone that you love. For in your pain and sorrow An angel’s kiss will help you through, This kiss is very private For it is meant for only you. So when your hearts are heavy And filled with tears and pain, And no one can console you Remember once again..... Little Snowdrop UNKNOWN For your Daddy... Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong And carry on ‘Cause I know I don’t belong Here in heaven Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven? I’ll find my way Through night and day ‘Cause I know I just can’t stay Here in heaven Time can bring you down Time can bend your knees Time can break your heart Have you begging please Begging please Beyond the door There’s peace, I’m sure And I know there’ll be no more Tears in heaven Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong And carry on ‘Cause I know I don’t belong Here in heaven ‘Cause I know I don’t belong Here in heaven ERIC CLAPTON your story | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 25 In 2005 I fell pregnant with our first child. I was 23 years old. As my belly grew I felt the urge to pick up a camera, I photographed my beautiful growing baby belly and flowers - I love flowers. for christian I photographed them in my garden from when they were born as tiny buds all the way through to their full and magnificent blooms. Scarlett was born at full term but she was very unwell. She could not breathe on her own and she spent the beginning of her life in the NICU. She did not bloom as easily as the flowers I had been photographing in the months prior to her traumatic birth. After she was able to come home with us I lost my passion for taking photos. Eveytime I looked at Scarlett's photos I felt sick. She was all tied up with tubes and drips. She was bruised from head to toe. I put my camera away. I thought what we had been through would be the worst thing that would ever happen to us. Just under a year later our world came crashing down. Our little boy that I carried in my womb for 6 months was stillborn. He had chubby cheeks and a button nose. Christian had a condition called Hyrdocephalus and because he did not have enough brain matter to tell him to swallow he never really grew a stomach which meant he was never going to be here for long. My life had stopped at his fatal diagnosis and 18 months later I still felt like I had no pulse. As I sat at the table holding his ashes I cried. I could not picture his face anymore. I had hit rock bottom. How could a mother possibly forget her son's face? That night I wrote on my blog about how terrible I was feeling. A friend in Colorado commented and said that she would pray that my next day would bring me some hope. That night I dreamed of Christian for the first time. My Earth and his Heaven had collided for a brief moment and we were together again. He was alive and well. I had found him and his friends. They were writing their names in the sand on one of Heaven's beaches. As I looked down at their names Christian and his two friends ran off giggling with fun and laughter. I watched him disappear into the sand dunes and as I looked back down at his name in the sand the water came in and took his name out to sea. Then I woke up. In the morning I woke up. It was as if someone had brought me back to life. My pulse was strong and even racing. Keeping the dream to myself I picked up my little point and shoot digital camera and late that afternoon as the sun was begining to set I drove down to the beach to write Christian's name in the sand for the first time. It was an epic sunset to my surprise. I hadn't seen a sunset since the day he was born. I wrote his name and started taking some photos. I remember standing in the water praying. I wondered if I should start doing this for people that I know have experienced the death of their babies and children. As I left the beach I blew a kiss out to the sea and drove to my parents house. I loaded the photos onto their computer. I showed my Dad "Oh that is really nice Pod" (He calls me Pod - long story) I told my parents that I was thinking of doing this for families who have lost children and that I was hoping that I might be able to do around 3 names each week for families here in my home town of Perth Western Australia. 3 and a 1/2 years later I have written and photographed the names of 14,500 babies and children who are no longer here with us on Earth. I now spend any spare time that I have drawing butterflies, dragonflies and now peace doves in the sand on my son's beach. My wait list is constantly filled with names of children from all over the world. It is tragic and beautiful all at the same time. I never imagined this would become my life. Writing, drawing and photography has helped me to heal and enriched my life in ways that I cannot explain. It has forced me to step outside into the fresh air and notice the beauty that mother nature creates for us. We live in an amazing world and as devstating as it can be, it is still incredible. My life began again on that Winter's afternoon of 2008 when I finally picked up my camera. I find my son through my artwork. We have a relationship. I might not be able to touch him but I know he visits me at the beach - he sends me dolphins and leaves me butterfly shells. I can only imagine the place that he now calls home. Carlie Marie an angel goes to heaven A book by Kevin McNamara Holly Maree McNamara, was born on the 20th August, 1988 at the Dandenong Valley Private Hospital in Melbourne, Australia. Holly died on the 18th of January, 1989. She died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (S.I.D.S). She was fivemonths-old. She was beautiful. It was around 11a.m that I heard the bedroom window being pounded on and a voice calling my name. I remember waking with a jolt and wondering what the hell was going on. I actually felt quite annoyed at being woken. It took a while to come to my senses but after a few seconds I realised it was my mother-in law. She was yelling out “Kevin, Kevin, quick it’s Holly. She is at the doctor’s and there is something wrong with her breathing.” My own description of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is this: ‘My beautiful five month old daughter Holly stopped breathing and died for reasons unknown to any living human being. The pain of losing a child was now with me.’ It was Tuesday 17th January, 1989. I had been a policeman in Melbourne, Victoria, for 8 years. My Sergeant on the night shift had three children and we enjoyed each other’s company and always had some fun on shift together. I remember on this Tuesday night sitting down with him and talking about Holly. I was telling him how beautiful she was; what a great baby she was; how she had never been sick and how I was so happy to be a dad and have someone as wonderful as her for a daughter. I couldn’t wait to get home to see her. I was so at peace with the world. I was aware of SIDS and knew that the first five months was the critical time and had totally accepted in my own heart that Holly was through that barrier. It had been almost five months to the day she was born and I had let my defences down completely. I had relaxed and had total belief that Holly was not going to die. This was the very night I realised what great joy it was to be a father and couldn’t wait to see her that Wednesday morning. I was not disappointed as I poked my head into her room. She was lying there wide awake and as she noticed me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen lit up her face and her eyes looked into mine with that look and feeling that only a father and daughter can experience and feel. At that very moment I knew what love was. It was there in that room. Time stood still. There was no time. I was living and experiencing the present moment like never before. I had no idea that this would be the last time that I would see Holly alive. It was as if she was giving me a lifetime of love in that one moment. I leaned into her cot and gave her a kiss. I stroked her forehead and whispered into her ear “Goodnight Hol. I love you beautiful girl.” At this moment in time I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. I said to him, “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” My mind was just numb. He said again, “I am sorry. We tried everything.” I was still confused. I had been in a deep sleep only to be woken and driven down to the doctor’s surgery. Nothing was making sense. I then looked over at the ambulance officers standing around the bed. The pain of losing a child had hit them hard. All four had tears in their eyes. I then noticed the small child lying on the bed. It was Holly. The doctor asked me if I would like to hold her and passed her to me. I held her tight and looked at her beautiful face. She seemed so content as though she was sleeping peacefully. It did not register then that she had died and it would not register for some time. My body had shut down emotionally and I was numb. My wife had been at the hairdresser that morning and her mum had been looking after Holly. She arrived at the surgery a short time later. When she walked in she was understandably distressed and crying, in shock and very emotional. She was asking me questions but I had no answers. We both just kept looking at this beautiful child who had just died. We all have memorable moments in our lives but without doubt the memory of that morning will live with me forever. Nothing I have experienced before or since comes close to the love and joy I experienced with Holly at that moment. I will never forget it. We were together as one. We still are. 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 I remember on the way constantly reassuring her that there was nothing to worry about and that Holly would be awake and laughing when we arrived. I honestly believed that I would arrive at the surgery and the doctor would say that everything is fine and she was just a bit off colour. I vividly recall when I was being driven to the surgery that in my head I had total confidence that Holly would be crawling around the floor of the surgery and would look up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and smile. I was actually looking forward to seeing her. When we arrived I was ushered immediately from the waiting room and into a medical room. I was met by our family doctor. I noticed there were four ambulance officers also in the room who were gathered around a bed that was directly behind the doctor. His first words to me were “I am sorry. We tried everything.” I would always head straight for Holly’s room in the morning to see her before going to bed. I crept into Holly’s room on the morning of Wednesday, January 18th, 1989, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep. But in my mind hoping that she would already be awake or that my presence would wake her so I could see those beautiful big blue eyes staring at me and that beautiful mouth with the biggest smile beaming at me. | I kept reassuring her that Holly would be fine. She drove me to the doctor’s surgery that was about one kilometre away from where we lived. I had entered a vacuum. No feeling, no emotion, no tears, no pain. Nothingness. The pain of losing a child had just begun. Kevin McNamara – www.motherswhohavelostachild.com | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 27 jack jones Our final day with Jack started early on the Sunday morning 13 March 2004. As usual, we were both at the hospital around 7am, but there was a certain tension this day as we knew we were going to the hospital for the last time. We brought an overnight bag with us with a change of clothes, not really knowing what we’d need and how long we’d be there. We started the day by giving Jack a bath as this truly was one of his favourite things. He seemed to relax and sometimes almost went to sleep as we rocked him back and forward in the water. Mum and Kel were with us this morning as they’d come to see Jack for the last time. Everyone else had already said their goodbyes in the previous few days. Kel and Mum took a lot of pictures this morning which was not unusual for any day really, but we knew it was our last opportunity. I bathed Jack and Ian dried and dressed him and Kel chose his clothes for the day. After his bath, Kel and Mum left and we spent our last day together. The day went pretty quickly really. We were in our own private room with Jack in PICU at this stage – one of the isolation rooms which was great as we had privacy for the day. We closed the blinds and the nurses respected our privacy and only came in when they absolutely had to… We spent the afternoon playing together and cuddling and talking and singing to him. A few days prior we’d been shopping and bought Jack some lego that Ian wanted to do with him before he passed away. It was a surreal experience walking in the toy shop wanting to buy a toy for your 6month old son before he dies. We wanted a shiny red truck, but did not know sort to buy, or what to do, or where to look, and I remember Ian being overwhelmed by emotion and crying before we finally found the lego truck. After we bought Jacks shiny red lego truck, we went to Pumpkin Patch to buy the clothes we’d bury him in. We walked around in circles in the shop for ages. What in the world do you buy for such an occasion? The shop assistant asked us if we wanted help and I barely go the words out “No thank you”. I stood in the back left hand corner of the shop and sobbed uncontrollably with my hands over my face for minutes after she left us. I remember it very clearly even now. People were looking at us crying and I don’t know what they thought, but I remember thinking they have no idea what we’re buying clothes for. We finally selected a gorgeous outfit for Jack. We got to the counter to pay for the clothes and the shop assistant asked us if it was a gift and if we’d like it gift wrapped? I blinked my tears away and could not speak so left Ian to answer her. I’m pretty sure these were the only clothes we ever bought for Jack… At lunchtime we made the transition from intensive care to palliative care and we took Jack’s saturations monitor off. We asked the nurses if that was ok, and given the circumstances they were happy with that. We wheeled the monitors away into the right hand corner of the room as far away as we could. This was the first time Jack was ‘unmonitored’ from the moment I got to hospital in labour with him. We alternated playing ‘Jack Johnson’ and a ‘baby lullaby cd’ softly all day. Ian made the shiny red truck lego with Jack in the early hours of the evening that night. Ian sat beside Jack’s bed and had all the lego lain out on the bed beside Jack as they pieced it together. I sat on the blue recliner watching in disbelief that this would be the first and last time Ian would make lego with his son. Ian made a couple of cars and then finally he made a big red shiny semi trailer lego truck which Jack took with him to his grave. He had scratched himself on the chin the day before he passed away and I remember thinking at the time that I hoped it healed up quickly as I didn’t want him to go with that little mark on his face. I wanted him to be perfect when he left me as he was when I got him. He was perfect, but without a blemish I mean… He still had the mark when he passed away. Sometime around now I washed my face and changed into fresh clothes. We also changed Jack from his blue suit into his aqua singlet with just a nappy. His singlet was one which Alysha made for him and she’d painted the words on the back “I love my Mummy and Daddy, they Rock!” I took photos as Jack was smiling at Ian… This is the only time we’d ever seen him properly smile. It was definitely not wind! They were full blown smiles! Makes me wonder if he knew what was happening and if he was ok with it. I had been talking to Jack the few days before and trying to explain that things were going to be different pretty soon and I wonder if he knew this was now the time… We also turned Jack’s oxygen down from 6L/min to 1L/min. I remember Jack really noticed this change. The oxygen whistling in his nose was quite loud and constant, so the difference to him when it was turned down and then made no noise was very real. We could see him looking around wondering what had happened, and it was obvious he noticed the change. He slept on and off but we did not put him in bed, we just held him all afternoon and into the evening. By this time he was already showing obvious signs of tiring and we knew it would not be long. Sometime later during the night we also took Jack’s oragastric feeding tube out. We gave him his last feed overnight and then we asked the nurse to remove his feeding tube. Jack had been trying to do a poo all night and I remember hoping he’d do it before the end as I didn’t know what would happen if he didn’t. As much as he tried, he never did do that poo! Mum went to the funeral home the day before Jack was buried with a fresh nappy in case he needed it, but he didn’t. I just wanted to make sure he was fresh as it was bothering me. We decided it was time to start administering some morphine around dinner time to ensure Jack was comfortable and not distressed at all as he was really starting to work hard to breathe. This was very important to us and critical in the management of his condition overnight. We wanted to try to avoid any IV morphine so as not to have to insert yet another IV into his arm…. So we requested that the nurses administer morphine via a face mask with a nebuliser machine, but this was very distressing to all 3 of us. The nebuliser was noisy and Jack cried the whole time and was very upset and consequently Ian and I were very upset too. I asked them to turn it off as I felt I could not bear it, and we decided to have them put an IV into Jack’s right arm to administer the morphine that way. The morphine was very, very slow and a low dose to keep him comfortable. He started to get sleepy so we asked a nurse to take the last photo of the 3 of us together while he was still awake. Initially I was holding Jack the other way, but I didn’t like being able to see the morphine IV, so I swopped him over to this way so the IV was hidden. At the time I didn’t want people to know he had morphine. I’m not sure why now, but it does not upset me anymore as I understand how critical that was in making sure he was comfortable and not distressed during the later stages. His passing was very, very peaceful which was exactly how we wanted it to happen. We changed the room around at some point after dinner time. Some of my times during this day and night are a bit sketchy now, but I have it all very well documented in Jack’s journal, | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | but will not refer back today…. I just want to get my thoughts down while they are fresh and clear…. It is not always this way. And sometimes when it is I just find it too emotional to document, so I don’t. But today I can, and I want to. We converted the room and removed the steel hospital cot and put mattresses on the floor so we could lie in bed on either side of him. At first I was laying on Jack’s right and Ian was laying on Jack’s left, but my shoulder started aching after a few hours so we swopped early hours in the morning and when Jack passed away I was laying on his left, and Ian on his right. It was also early hours of the morning (around 3am I think) that we also removed his oxygen completely. This was a very difficult thing to do as it had been his lifeline for his whole life. We both knew he could not breathe without it… We were both very emotional and asked the nurses to actually remove it as neither of us felt like we could take it away from him... We took all the tape and everything off his face which was the first time since birth he’d ever been without tapes and tubes on his face and body. Ian dozed on and off very briefly for the last few hours Jack was with us. We were both so exhausted, physically, emotionally and mentally. It had been a big day! Jack continued to get more and more tired and just after the photo above of the 3 of us was taken, he went to sleep and did not open his eyes again… Jack’s breathing started to slow down and his pulse rate followed. I kept feeling his pulse on his wrist and listening to his heart beating by putting my head on his chest. It got to the point that I could almost not feel his pulse on his wrist and had to feel it on his throat instead. I’m not sure why I kept feeling it. I don’t know, it’s just what I did at the time. The morphine continued to increase, and everything else continued to slow and his colour started to change also. I did not like this and it was one of the aspects of him passing which was distressing to me, so we dimmed the lights in the room. It was 3am or 4am now, so we didn’t wants lights beaming on us anyway! His body temperature also dropped slowly and he kept getting colder and colder. At the time I did not put it together - why this was happening… I asked the nurses 3 or 4 times for more blankets to put over him as I was trying my hardest to keep him warm. I stayed awake the whole time and just kept talking to Jack. I basically repeated the same things over and over again for a couple of hours at the end… I told Jack how much I loved him and that his life journey was going to take a different road soon and that it would be different to now. I told Jack that when he leaves this world it will be easy for him to breathe, that he would not have to struggle to breathe anymore, that there would be other kids and babies to play with. I told him that he would not be able to see and touch us like he does now, but promised him that we would always be able to hold each other in our hearts, and that we could continue to see each other in our dreams. I told him that when he thought of me, to remember how I smell, remember how I look, remember how much I smile at him, remember my voice, remember how I touch him. I told him to remember how much fun we had when he has a bath, remember how much I love to be with him, how happy he made me, how brave I think he is, and how much I will love him until the day I die. When I told him to remember how I touch him, I stroked his arms and said “remember this” and stroked his face and said “and this” and 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 29 I did this to his whole body and told him to remember “this” for every single part. I told him that he was my angel and that when he was ready to spread his wings and fly, that it was ok, and I would be ok. Ian told him twice during the night also that it was ok to go. We both wanted him to know that we would be ok and he would be ok too, and when he’d had enough, he could let go, and he didn’t have to struggle anymore. I remember looking at the clock at 5:07am and then when I next looked it was 5.20am. Jack passed away between 5.15am and 5.20am. I was terrified of what the last moments would be like and I’d talked openly about that. You see horrible things on movies with people gasping for air and I dreaded such a scene! I still wonder to this day if it’s why Jack hung on till I closed my eyes for a few minutes to make an exit. He knew I was frightened of this moment… Ian and I both opened our eyes at the same moment as if something had woken us both up. We lay silently for a moment watching his chest and knew instantly that he had taken his last breath. I remember the look on Ian’s face as I stared across Jack’s body at him… Jack was lily white and looked like an angel. I still call him my ‘real life angel’… Lots of people refer to their babies as angels, but Jack really is an angel… A real life angel! We lay with Jack for about 10 minutes before we went and got the nursing staff. Marion was the nurse allocated to us overnight, in fact we’d requested her to allocated to take care of our family on such a special evening. We’d only seen her a few times when we got milk and blankets during the night. Marion was young, in her early 20’s and had long black curly hair. She was very kind and funnily enough, she was the nurse who took care of us the day we were transferred from the NICU to the PICU in the January of 2004. Ian left the room and went and called our family who were all waiting for us at home. Marion assisted me to bath Jack. Marion held Jack with one hand under his head and one under his bottom and I bathed him. His arms and legs hung heavily as she held him and I washed his hair and then dried and dressed him. I combed his hair after I dressed him which was unusual because I never really did this often. I had printed a picture of my Grandma Midge and put it in his overalls bib pocket and pinned it in with a guardian angel pin that Mum had given to Jack when he was born. I had told Jack of Grandma Midge, how great she was, and that I knew in my heart she would find him and take care of him for us. I tried numerous times to make contact with her before Jack passed away, and although I didn’t get any signs at the time, I still believe Grandma Midge was waiting for Jack and takes care of him.. Marion took the IV out of Jacks right hand. It was strange when she removed it that it did not bleed as it typically would… I still remembering noticing this and thinking, it’s not bleeding because there is no blood pumping through his veins anymore… By the time I had dressed Jack and tucked him back into his comfortable bed, I knew the time was coming for Ian and I to leave him. Ian came back into the room around this time. It was almost 7am on Monday morning, the 14th of March 2004. I walked over to the right hand side of Jack’s bed and held his cold, white hand and kissed his forehead at the same time. I told him I loved him one last time. I don’t remember what Ian did. We walked out of the room and closed the door behind us and Marion stayed with Jack. I don’t even know hnow to explain how I felt in those moments. I was so shattered I could hardly even walk. Ian had to almost carry me out of the PICU and into the elevator. I remember leaving the carpark and paying the man for the parking like we had done for 6 months knowing we would not be back here tomorrow. I wanted to tell him we would not see him again, I’m not sure why. I didn’t though, we just drove away! Ian drove us home and I looked at the dash board at the date and clock thinking it was strange how the time was still ticking… For me, time was standing still. People were catching the bus to work and I remember thinking, “what are all these people doing?” I remember looking at the date on the dash and thinking to myself this will be a deeply significant date in my life forever. I look back now at all the things I said and did…. All so strong and brave… Was I made of a steel pole at the time? How did I do all this? To say my life has changed since then is an understatement and one I don’t have time to explain today. Jack was my first born son, and although he is no longer physically with me, he is still my first born son. I treasured every moment of his life, although some of them were extremely difficult! I am very grateful for all the time we had together. Jack Richard Jones, you made me a better person! Rest in Peace my ‘real life angel’…Mummy x a father’ s reflections After reading posts of both newly bereaved parents and veterans of late I have begun to have some realisations about our new normal. Along with everything else that it brings such as shock, raw emotion, loneliness, emptiness and panic our grief causes us to re-evaluate just about everything – our beliefs, values, attitudes, view of the world, view of ourselves and others and view of Nature and Life itself. It causes us to be “born again” in the most painful and unpleasant of manners. We are forced to look at everything anew. There is nothing in our lives that escapes this net. While ultimately the whole process may make us better and stronger people (and why not? since we are here anyway and obviously we should further any positive outcomes) I think we will all agree however that the price for this is simply too high. We would prefer to have our ignorance intact and our children back. John Daddy of Claire (16 June 06 - 06 June 08) | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 31 donations in loving memory We would like to thank everyone who has chosen SIDS and Kids Queensland to donate to in memory of their loved ones. As many of our donations are anonymous we are unable to list them here but we wish to sincerely thank those who have given so generously. Please let us know at the time of donation if you would like it to appear in our Donations In Loving Memory page. Ray Foy Carrie Woodward Sandra Knight Kelly & Simon Ac Lionel William Ac Mrs Pearl Kosh Cameron Feirclough Jann Dagan Maggie Hoover Jackie Dennis Maggie Hoover Robert Taylor Maggie Hoover Anthony Broadrick Maggie Hoover Cat Wilson Maggie Hoover Alex Chapman Maggie Hoover Nicole Matheson Maggie Hoover Dave & Judy Maskell Maggie Hoover Dean Richmond Maggie Hoover Middlemount Bowls Club on behalf of Middlemount Community Maggie Hoover Simon Briggs Luke Simon Briggs Mrs Clark Isabel May Goodman-Jones Judith & Doug Mackenzie Isabel May Goodman-Jones Pat Galland Rachel Stephanie Kemp John Matthews Cameron Feirclough Mary Steele Preston James Steele-Alston Fiona Leben William Foster Glenn & Margaret Howard Micheal Cory & Kenneth Richard Lin Waters Bridie Kate Sippel Edward Siebuhr Tegan Griffiths Karen Maher Richard Lawlor Rockabilly Dance Group Fundraiser Kani Michelle Rose Proctor Tony & Miriam Houweling Noah Manley Houweling Marie Lucy Anna Grace Andrews Carmel McSweeney Nicholas Peter Lee Barry & Alicia Martin Kellie Clarice Martin Brian & Beverley Martin Kellie Clarice Martin Kelly & PJ Marsh & Family Maggie Hoover David & Narelle Foster William Foster Tamara Raine Lucas Michael Walker join in the conversation online! celebrations Remember, there are so many ways we can keep in contact! SIDS and Kids Internet Forum An online message board for bereaved parents to chat, discuss issues and provide and receive support from other other parents and counselors from SIDS and Kids NSW. http://sidsandkidsnsw.proboards86.com Emmi and Lee peters welcome a new little sister for Zoe Elizabeth Peters Havana Diane Peters born 2nd January 2012 ------ Facebook Visit our SIDS and Kids QLD Facebook webpage for up to date information on our Education and Support Services; Fundraising; Red Nose Day; and other upcoming SIDS and Kids QLD events. www.facebook.com/pages/SIDS-and-kidsQueensland/140516809320630 E-News from SIDS and Kids We want to include you on our newsletter mailing list, please email us your details so we can send you regular updates, information on our events and news. Second daughter for Helen and Tim and a little sister for Angel Maddi and Hamish Matilda Sarah Erwin born 15th February 2012 Email: [email protected] We hope to introduce a Queensland Internet forum this year. Watch our Facebook and Website pages for more information. ------ This year is the 5th anniversary of our Northside Support Group. The group meets each month and is facilitated by our external counselor Francis Borg. Congratulations to Francis and the rest of the group!! | 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 33 remembrance dates NAME A Adam Blake Sparksman Adam James Chatten Hewitt Alana Maree Talbot Alexander Charles Lewis Alexander John Coggins Alexander John Turner Alyssa Kaye Bradford Amber Louise Whitelock Andrew Scott Gaughan Anja Christie Cook Annalise May Houldsworth Annazina Cassimatis Ashleigh Janet Penrose Ashley Rose Patricia Thomas Austin Wayne Smith Ava Mavis Wooster Ava May Corbally Aymie-Leigh Jade Eveans B Belinda Jo-Anne Muller Ben Sebastian Wright Bethanie Kym Crowhurst Bethany Kae Bowden Blake Greame Murphy Blake John Caruana Braydon Reece Oliphant Brendan Terry Garland Brennah Aisling Paterson Brianna Monique Gibson Britney May Brown Brock and Dejay Bowden Brodie James Cowe Brodie Jason Kyle Cheung Brodie Luke Douglas Bryson Hilton Barry Shepard C Caitlin Emma Ryan Caitlyn Bo Kei Yan Callen Patrick John Novotny Callum Luke Ronnfeldt Callum Thomas Danger Eastham-Prest Campbell James Voll Casey Brice Casey Lachlan Price Charli Elise Turnbull Charli-Zeta Hayes Chelsey Ellen Rowe Chloe Maree Irvine Chloe-Jade Gilligan Christian Dudley Claire Laura Celeste Spencer Clay John Grant Coltyn Michael Driscoll Cooper Herbert Walter Tumeth Courtney Lee Ryan D Damien James Lyel Hallewell Darcy Vincent Schroder David Robert Kirkwood David William Allan Koplick Dean Michael Phillips Dillian Ryan Walker Dominic John Jackson Dominic Patrick Lyons Dylan James Kearns-Whiting Dylan James Landers Dylan Ray Kevin Murphy Dylan Rex Harvey Dylan Tyrone Cochrane BIRTHDATE ANNIVERSARY 10th March 1st July 15th May 5th September 26th August 18th October 12th July 3rd August 23rd September 20th January 14th March 5th September 6th March 23rd November 30th October 21st October 23rd November 21st November 7th April 29th April 19th December 5th September 15th October 16th February 18th August 4th May 27th November 10th May 7th July 26th January 26th August 21st April 12th March 21st October 24th November 17th December 8th September 30th June 25th March 8th November 4th December 14th January 24th January 12th March 30th June 27th November 26th July 4th December 8th February 19th February 23rd March 18th February 11th November 30th June 14th September 24th February 4th December 21st April 19th February 9th July 30th June 6th April 20th May 4th December 2nd July 22nd March 6th August 29th March 8th November 5th September 20th June 3rd October 10th May 18th July 19th August 28th January 29th December 18th February 30th January 1st February 16th November 3th December 8th January 10th June 8th February 26th January 16th June 11th May 28th March 17th October 11th February 13th February 28th June 3rd February 1st February 3rd March 3rd December 18th April 9th October 21st August 26th January 6th June 11th May 5th June 17th October 12th February 18th April 28th August 1st July 30th March 12th April 29th July 24th December 24th September 18th April 9th October 24th March 20th October 18th June 29th June 7th March 13th May 16th September 24th November 18th February 17th March 14th July 18th May 24th December 12th May 16th November 6th August NAME E Edward Thomas Burton Elijah Salvati Eliot Dafydd Adams Elizabeth Ruth Thomson Ella Grace Bourke Ella Louise Longmire Elliot Foster Brown Eloise Jane Chipman Emerson Leece Erin Madeline McMaster Ethan Paul Rehberg-Edgar Evie Grace Ewart G Gage Mana Christensen Georgia Abbott Grace Catherine Brook-McVey H Hamish Isaiah O’Sullivan Hannah Isabelle Dillon Harrison James Boundy Humphrey Harrison Collins McIntosh Harrison Thomas Daniel Harry Thomas Strickland Hayden Marc Riddell Hayley Alana Darbey Holly Rose Naumann Hunter William Ian Andrew McInnes-Duke I Imogen Grace Freemantle Isabella Michelle Tredrea Iszaac James Taylor Izaak John Bin Barba J Jacinta Gail Melita Orcher Jack Anthony Ingram Purton Jack Richard Jones Jacob Daniel Taylor-Humphries Jacob Mitchell Houweling Jaidann Gordon Lampard Jak Anthony Butler Raleigh James Andrew Donohue James Michael Scott Edwards Jarrod Michael Rayner Hurren Jasmine Robyn Atterwell Jayden Phillip Bell Jayden Zachary Michael Kline Jeremy Glen Dempsey Jeromee Ross Sippel Jessica Jordon Whitford Jessica Joy Jones Jessica Leigh Megson Jessica Marie Peace Jessica Sarah Wuttke Jobe Michael Henningham Joe Alford-Leeder Johnny Tudor Brewer Jonathon Roy Spencer Joseph Michael Organ Joshua Charles Bradbury Joshua Damian Leigh Haines Joshua Graehlert Joshua Joseph Robert Shay Joshua Paul Johnston BIRTHDATE ANNIVERSARY 2nd February 12th August 25th February 24th April 16th September 23rd January 15th November 6th June 9th April 30th July 13th November 18th July 23rd July 12th August 9th March 24th April 29th November 13th July 14th January 9th July 9th April 24th August 30th June 24th December 28th August 28th August 29th October 29th October 24th September 21st September 11th May 28th August 15th July 3rd June 13th December 28th May 26th August 17th August 1st May 19th May 12th December 19th December 7th August 30th January 31st January 18th August 1st June 15th February 13th August 2nd December 5th June 11th August 9 October 1st March 5th June 16th October 9 October 15th July 8th October 27th May 9th September 6th December 31st August 11th March 26th June 9th March 20th February 23rd February 26th August 19th January 17th March 18th July 15th June 15th July 2nd December 29th December 3rd March 7th November 5th January 15th December 11th October 13th June 2nd December 8th January 16th May 2nd June 4th November 29th August 27th December 15th November 14th March 30th December 1st September 9th August 18th September 1st November 10th February 22nd March 15th March 19th January 19th May 25th October 5th September 9th August 8th December 18th April 4th May 14th July 10th March 15th December 11th April 30th September 8th November 14th March 4th September 14th August 5th June 29th August NAME BIRTHDATE K Kacee Michelle Price 1st December Kade Adrian Lovell Fragiacomo 9th September Kash William Delaforce 25th February Katie Gardiner 23rd February Keegan Rhys Hardy 28th November Kobe Reign Whittaker 15th January Kodi John-Thomas Campbell 3rd January Kurt Michael Stewart 7th September Kyla Louise Scells 31st October Kyle Joseph John Shay 5th January Kyle Thomas Weir 7th July Kyra Jane Gibson 17th May L Lachlan James Workman 27th November Lara Isabel Watterson 4th March Lauren Anne Diefenbach 24th April Lauren Jodie Whitton 23rd January Lauren Kate Dreicer 21st October Leah Hope Golinski 20th February Leighton-Rhys McCoy-Duggan 20th July Leni Tiger Fry 6th October Lindsay Albert Price 21st January Lionel William Ac 6th October Little Mervyn 16th July Luke Allan James Salway 4th May Luke John Lassman 7th December Luke Timothy Wilson 13th January Lindsay Albert Price 21 January M Maddison Suzanne Erwin 25th November Madison Grace Wood 3rd November Madison Paige Taylor 20th June Madison Talanya Lyell 22nd May Maggie Ellen Hoover 9th September Maison Steven David Drummond 15th February Marc Jonathon Young 13th September Marco Kairi Cameron Fujii 10th August Mason Kerr 21st February Mathew Gordon Petty 24th January Matisse Aiyanna Chrzczonowicz 19th May Max Angus Barker 21st February Melanie Jane Bauman 31st March Mia Davies 14th April Michael John Barrett 23rd August Michael Robert Parnaby 26th February Michael Robert Scott Bishop 20th October Michael Thomas Fitzgerald 1st November Mitchell Arthur Sticher 14th January Mitchell James Edwards 3rd September Mitchyl Jaye Harris 11th August Molly-Mae Grace Cooper 21st June N Natasha Louise Hall 23rd February Nathan Carl Schmidt 24th June Nathan Scott Reid “Nay Nay” 3rd May Nicholas Karydis 26th July Nicholas Peter Lee 18th January Nicholas Shane Stehbens 12th June Nicholas Wayne Curtis 24th June Nikita Kaya Pollard 29th October Noah Manley Houweling 30th May Noah Simon Darryl Gillett 25th April O Oliver Joseph Jones 27th September Oliver Patrick Rivers 30th May P Paige Elizabeth Kate Sneddon 6th April Peter Adam Clarke 7th September Phoenix Leigh Brown 19th February | ANNIVERSARY NAME R Rachel Stephanie Kemp Randall William Bianchi Raymond James Moyle Renee Ashley Pilgrim Rhiannon Mary Puttee Richard James West Riley Kelly Rorrie William Forrester-Bailey Ruby Ellen Kowplos Ryan Selwyn Klibbe Rylie Andrea Lapwood S Sabastian David Fisher-Leach Sam William Atalla Sara Emily Schneeberg Savannah Lee Barr Scott Robert Young West Sean David Longmire Seth Jordan Mackay Shane Bowen Miller Shardai Louise McCallum Shiahn Burke Sophia Celeste Langford Sophie Maree Refalo Steven Ross Jagger Summer Rose Marriott T Tahlia Jane Cassidy Tamika Maree Eggmolesse Tara Carter Tarnia Deborah Louise Morrell Tasmin Christie Miller Tayla Jade Cotgrove Teanne Bishop McDonald Texas Rose Martin Giezendanner Thomas James Hides Todd Matthew Freemantle Tristan Llewellyn Thom Troy Paul Adams Tyrone Gordon Pomeroy W William Ashton Heyward Tye William David Foster X Xavier Leece Y Yasmina Nadja Tunks Yasminah Ann Aziz Z Zachary Thomas Cassidy Zahra Ann McMullen Zayne Mervyn Kelly Hile Zayne Thomas- James Elliot Zoe Elizabeth Peters 27th June 9th September 15th June 1st May 9th March 27th March 9th April 16th March 3rd February 12th February 25th December 17th May 13th December 17th May 3rd June 2nd June 27th July 21st April 11th June 6th October 21st January 6th October 17th July 4th May 7th December 20th July 25th November 12th March 23rd June 6th August 19th January 18th February 27th October 2nd December 21st February 2nd June 27th April 25th June 23rd August 8th August 26th July 7th August 19th February 11th July 8th November 22nd September 31st March 26th August 14th April BIRTHDATE ANNIVERSARY 21st March 14th January 27th February 4th February 19th October 11 November 6th March 19th April 19th July 14th July 16th April 21st July 19th January 12th January 25th July 21st November 8th February 10th July 13th May 21st May 29th April 15th May 27th August 25th February 4th September 22nd October 26th March 23th July 10th January 8th February 14th July 16th June 15th August 25th October 15th June 9th September 19th October 25th March 6th July 29th February 7th July 25th October 10th January 17th June 27th February 14th February 9th May 3rd July 27th April 28th April 17th June 19th June 28th March 21st August 18th October 5th July 28th April 18th August 4th December 14th May 7th October 6th January 6th July 18th August 4th December 29th June 5th December 24th June 22nd October 28th May 21st August 11th August 16th April 23rd September 16th May 10th June 25th September 12th July 12th July 31st March 26th March 1st May 26th March 10th October 18th June 25th September 31st December 15 February 15th October 18th June 1st May 1st May 15 February 28th August 8th August 6th October 1st May 20th August 9th November 24th July 11th June 20th November 17th July 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 | 24 Hour Bereavement Support 1800 628 648 | enigma APRIL 2012 | 35 At SIDS and Kids a compassionate person is always available to offer support and understanding. SIDS and Kids Queensland The Todd Freemantle Centre 68 Creek Road, Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 Telephone: 07 3849 7122 Fax: 07 3849 7121 24 Hour Bereavement Support Link 1800 628 648 ABN: 11 495 594 924 www.sidsandkids.org/qld www.sideadventuretreks.org www.rednoseday.com.au
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