HUBUNGAN KESIHATAN DENGAN KEINTIMAN SUAMI ISTERI

STRES DALAM RUMAHTANGGA :
BOM JANGKA ALAF BARU
Prof Madya Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj
Pertubuhan Ikram Malaysia (IKRAM)
Pusat Perubatan UKM (PPUKM)
Seminar Menangani Stres dalam Rumahtangga – 4 Mei 2014
Kandungan
 Stres : Apa, Kenapa & Siapa?
 Isu rumahtangga masakini :
 Pembentukan keluarga
 Kerjaya & rumahtangga
 Strategi utk menangani stres dalam rumahtangga
WHAT IS STRESS TO YOU?
A Friend or A Foe?
• Stress is inevitable.
• Burnout is preventable, treatable,
and manageable.
• Coping strategies that work best
are identifiable.
• Help is always available.
Being a human
BODY
HEART
MIND
SPIRIT
SOCIAL
Spiritual Journey :
Finding answers to the fundamental questions
What / Who Am I ?
Who Has Created Me ?
Why Am I Here?
What Am I Supposed To Do?
Where Will I Go after Death?
MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF HUMAN NEEDS
`
` If you deliberately plan on being less
than you are capable of being,
then I warn you
that you’ll be unhappy
for the rest of your life
( Abraham Maslow :
1908 – 1970)
Stress
An internal process that occurs when a person is
faced with a demand that is perceived to
exceed the resources available to respond to it
effectively, and where failure to deal with the
demand effectively has important and
undesirable consequences.
Committee on Physician Health & Rehabilitation, 2000
STRESS
FEAR
Slide 11
DEMAND
INTERNAL
PROCESS
PERCEPTION
OF
FAILURE
STRESSORS
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Physical
Psychological
Academic / work related
Familial
Financial
Spiritual
Social
STRESSORS
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Physical
Psychological
Academic / work related
Familial
Financial
Spiritual
Social
WHAT
MAKES YOU
EXPLODE!
Symptoms of STRESS
GLOBAL DISEASE BURDEN
Institusi Kekeluargaan :
Sekilas Pandang
 Asal
perkataan `keluarga’ - "kulawarga“ (Bahasa Sanskrit).
Kata kula bererti "ras" dan warga yang bererti "anggota"
: Keluarga dibentuk melalui ikatan perkahwinan
atau pendaftaran antara lelaki dan perempuan, dan
dianggotai oleh anak-anak dan ahli keluarga luas.
 Definisi
 Satu
entiti asas dalam pembentukan masyarakat dan
negara.
Biologi
Afektif
Perlindungan
Keluarga
Ekonomi
Pendidikan
Sosialisasi
Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan
untukmu pasangan dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu merasa
tenteram (sakinah) kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya antara kamu rasa
kasih sayang dan belas kasihan. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian
itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berfikir.
Ar-Ruum : 21
1. Kesejahteraan Fizikal ( tubuh badan )
2. Kemampuan Ekonomi
3. Kesediaan Emosi
4. Kelapangan Masa
5. Sokongan Sosial
 Faktor
dalaman
o Perubahan fasa kehidupan – remaja, dewasa, tua
o Penambahan/pengurangan ahli – kelahiran, perkahwinan,
sakit dan kematian
 Faktor
luaran
o Masalah ekonomi/kewangan
o Penjagaan anak ( nurseri dan penjaga)
o Pendidikan & persekolahan anak
 Konflik
menggugat keharmonian sekiranya kemahiran
komunikasi rendah
1. Terlalu rigid dan kurang keanjalan
2. Kurangnya individuation – Tiada autonomi
3. Ketidakbergantungan yang keterlaluan (Extreme detachment)
4. Menyalahkan orang atau perkara lain - Displaced conflict/criticism
5. Triangulation – Penyelesaian konflik melalui pihak ketiga
6. Kemahiran penyelesaian masalah yang tidak berkesan
7. Mengelak dari berhadapan dengan konflik
8. Kasih sayang dan disiplin yang tidak konsisten
9. Kurang sokongan dan penerimaan sesama ahli
10. Hostiliti, sikap permusuhan atau kekasaran yang dizahirkan
Minuchian (1978)
Jurang Generasi

Number worldwide :
o 23 million strong and growing.
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True digital natives — having grown-up on iPods, text
messaging, Facebook, smart phones and YouTube.
Coming of age publicly on the web
True multi-taskers
Have a no-holds-barred attitude about blogging and digital
publishing.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Interactive devices as classroom learning tools
More homeschooling
Collaborative online projects
Focus on visual learning
Treating learning as a game
Focus on critical thinking & problem solving rather than
information memorization
A return to occupation-based rather than college degree
Learning in smaller bites
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Mempunyai ibu bapa yang berkahwin lewat, kuasa membeli
tinggi
Keluarga bersaiz kecil ( bilangan adik beradik sedikit)
Datuk dan nenek lebih berpendidikan & berkemampuan
Most materially supplied generation ever ( Mc Crindle
Research, 2009)
Membesar dengan kemajuan teknologi yang fokus kepada
hiburan & keseronokan
Masuk persekolahan formal pada usia yang lebih muda, dan
akan menghabiskan lebih masa belajar
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Recent statistics, Gen Y has already given birth to more
than 13 million babies.
Gen Y moms are well-rounded women, multi-taskers,
spend a lot of time online, baby is an àdd-on’ to other
tasks
Gen Y fathers – more committed to parenting
Gen Y couples – more mutual respect & fair distribution
of duties / responsibilities
Expectation of Gen Y parents to their children?
Gen Y mothers
`Gen Y mothers are no longer stopping their lives
to have children, they are simply bringing children
into their already busy lives!‘
http://thegiggleguide.com/blog/abcrepscom/2012-01/gen-y-mom
Gen Y fathers
Young Generation Y fathers are cutting back on
working hours, apparently to spend more time
with their children and in leisure pursuits.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10473358
Breadwinner : Mum or Dad?
House husbands
HarlinaSiraj2008©

Definisi : Nusyuz

o Sudut bahasa - tempat yang tinggi
o Mafhum hadith Rasulullah SAW :
(menonjol).
o Istilah - istri durhaka kepada suami
dalam perkara ketaatan yang Allah
wajibkan
o Ketidakpatuhan yg menonjol/ketara

Ibnu Katsir rahimahullah berkata,
“Nusyuz adalah meninggalkan
perintah suami, menentangnya dan
membencinya”
(Tafsir Al Qur’an Al ‘Azhim, 4: 24)
Definisi : Dayus
Apakah dayus itu wahai Rasulullah ?
Jawab Nabi : Iaitu seseorang ( lelaki)
yang membiarkan kejahatan ( zina,
buka aurat, bergaul bebas ) dilakukan
oleh ahlinya ( isteri dan keluarganya)

Dayus di sisi Allah SWT :
o Tiga yang telah Allah haramkan
baginya Syurga : orang yang ketagih
arak, si penderhaka kepada ibu bapa
dan Si Dayus yang membiarkan
maksiat dilakukan oleh ahli
keluarganya"
( Riwayat Ahmad )
Fenomena
`Superwoman, Super Wife,
Supermom
Wanita yang bekerja perlu memastikan keperluan rumahtangga
dan tanggungjawab sebagai isteri dan ibu perlu dilaksanakan
sebaik mungkin walaupun mereka terpaksa bekerja pada siang
harinya dan ketika di pejabat mereka juga perlu memberikan
komitmen yang penuh untuk melunaskan tugas yang diberikan
kepada mereka.
Wanita & Kerjaya (YADIM)
http://www.yadim.com.my/wanita/WanitaFull.asp?Id=116
•
•
Strategi meningkatkan kualiti kehidupan
berkeluarga
Keseimbangan hidup ( Lifebalance ) - antara
Diri, Kerjaya & Keluarga
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Commitment
Affirmation, respect & trust
Good communication
Responsibility, morality and spiritual orientation
Rituals and traditions
Crisis management & conflict resolution
Ability to seek help
Quality time together
Family wellness orientation
Balance between cohesion and adaptability
Strong B, deVault C, Sayad BW
The Marriage and Family Experience, 1998
NOTA ASAS PERBINCANGAN
Antara Tanggungjawab, Hak & Hormat
TANGGUNGJAWAB
(Tanggung & Jawab)
Fungsi, Peranan &
Tugas
HORMAT :
Memberi keutamaan
Ambil peduli
HAK
Keistimewaan,
Kelebihan,
Hadiah &
Ganjaran
Perkongsian Tugas & Tanggungjawab
Surah At-Taubah : 71
Dan orang-orang yang beriman, lelaki dan perempuan,
setengahnya menjadi penolong bagi setengahnya yang lain;
mereka menyuruh berbuat kebaikan, dan melarang daripada
berbuat kejahatan; dan mereka mendirikan sembahyang dan
memberi zakat, serta taat kepada Allah dan RasulNya.
Mereka itu akan diberi rahmat oleh Allah; sesungguhnya
Allah Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana.
Perintah melindungi & memelihara
ahli keluarga
Mafhum
Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Peliharalah diri kamu dan keluarga
kamu dari neraka yang bahan-bahan bakarannya: manusia dan batu
(berhala); neraka itu dijaga dan dikawal oleh malaikat-malaikat yang keras
kasar (layanannya); mereka tidak menderhaka kepada Allah dalam segala
yang diperintahkanNya kepada mereka, dan mereka pula tetap melakukan
segala yang diperintahkan.
At-Tahrim : ayat 6
Ciri-ciri Lelaki Pelindung (QAWAMA)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Taat kepada Allah & RasulNya
Kuat berjihad
Cintakan akhirat & bercitacita mati syahid
Ikhlas beramal
Sabar menghadapi ujian
Allah
Takutkan Allah
Selalu bertaubat & mohon
keampunan Allah
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
Zuhud terhadap dunia
Rajin solat tahajjud
Tawakkal sepenuhnya
kepada Allah
Selalu berinfaq dalam
kelapangan & kesempitan
Kuat ukhuwah & kasih
sayang sesama mukmin
Melaksanakan amar maaruf
& nahi mungkar
Pemaaf & lapang dada
Ciri-ciri wanita pendorong
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Taat kepada Allah &
Rasul-Nya
Akhlaq yang baik
Kuat beribadah
Menyayangi suami
dan anak-anak
Cintakan ilmu
pengetahuan
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Sentiasa muhasabah
& memperbaiki diri
Bermotivasi dan
berinisiatif
Melaksanakan amal
maaruf nahi mungkar
Membanggakan suami
& anak2
KUALITI KOMUNIKASI & INTERAKSI
TRANSFORMASI HUBUNGAN
SUAMI - ISTERI
1.
2.
3.
Memulihkan keintiman
Menjaga diri sendiri – SELF CARE
Memperbaiki komunikasi &
memupuk kasih sayang
1. Memulihkan keintiman
QUIZ :
How intimate is your marriage?
QUIZ : HOW INTIMATE IS YOUR MARRIAGE?
Extracted from `The Surrendered Wife’ by Laura Doyle
DO YOU :
Feel superior than your husband ?
Nag your husband ?
Commiserate (sharing your sadness & misery) with other wives
about your husband ?
Hear yourself say , `I told my husband…….’
Think that everything would be fine if your husband would do what
you tell him to do?
Eavesdrop on your husband conversations ? (phone, sms text &
emails)
Feel like you are the only adult in the family?
Feel overburdened in parenting your children?
Do things for your husband that he is capable of doing for himself?
Have recurring anxiety & depression? (sadness, hopelessness,
obsessive thoughts, feelings of panic, trouble sleeping, heart
palpitations, cold or sweaty hands)
Rarely
Sometimes
Frequently
QUIZ : HOW INTIMATE IS YOUR MARRIAGE?
Extracted from `The Surrendered Wife’ by Laura Doyle
11 Feel exhausted ?
12 Find either of you are disinterested in sex?
13 Feel resentful and jealous about your husband’s
victories in life?
14 Reject or criticize his gifts?
15 Fantasize about divorce or life with a man who would
be better match you?
16 Discount the reasons you chose your husband in the
first place?
17 Feel hopeless about your marriage because your
needs have gone unmet for so long?
18 Have a hard time trusting your husband in even small
matters?
19 Find yourself trying to control your husband ?
20 Get angry with your husband if he makes a poor
decision?
QUIZ : FINAL SCORE
SCORE
INTERPRETATION
ACTION
35 or less
Red Alert!
Intimacy – very poor
Overworked &
Underappreciated
Transform your marriage,
NOW!
Take a break, let go &
ask for help!
Congratulations!
Very intimate & passionate
Be grateful to God, help
others who are struggling
with their marriage
36 – 60
61 or above
2. Penjagaan Diri
3. Memperbaiki komunikasi
 Mengenali personaliti pasangan masing-masing
 Meluahkan rasa kasih sayang
bahasa cinta yang sesuai
dan cinta dengan
PERSONALITY PROFILING
Bold
EAGLE
Peaceful
DOVE
Showy
PEACOCK
Wise
OWL
PERSONALITY TYPE ( I ) : PEACOCK
 Talkative
 Compulsive talker
 Good sense
 Exaggerates and elaborates
of humor
 Enthusiastic & expressive
 Cheerful
 Optimistic
 Has energy and a lot of
enthusiasm
Showy
PEACOCK
 Can’t remember names
 Has loud voice and laugh
 Controlled by circumstances
 Seems phony
to some
 Never grows up
HarlinaSiraj2013®
PERSONALITY TYPE ( II ) : EAGLE
 Born leader
 Bossy
 Confident
 Impatient
 Dynamic and active
 Quick-tempered
 Strong-willed and decisive
 Enjoys controversy &
 Not easily discouraged
arguments
 Won’t give up when losing
 Inflexible
 Is not complimentary
 Independent
sufficient
Bold
EAGLE
and self-
PERSONALITY TYPE ( III ) : OWL
 Deep and thoughtful
 Moody and depressed
 Perfectionist, high
 Remembers the
standards
 Serious and purposeful
 Philosophical and poetic
 Sensitive to others
 Self-sacrificing
 Idealistic
negatives
 Enjoys being hurt
 Has false humility
 Low self-image
 Guilt feelings
Wise
OWL
PERSONALITY TYPE (IV) : DOVE
 Easy going and
relaxed
 Calm, cool, and collected
 Patient, well balanced
 Quiet
 Sympathetic and kind
 Keeps emotions hidden
 Avoids conflicts
 Unenthusiastic
 Fearful and worried
 Indecisive
 Avoids responsibility
 Selfish
 Too shy
 Too compromising
 Self-righteous
Peaceful
DOVE
Principles of 5 love languages
Each individual has his/her own preferred
love language
 Individual feels most loved when others
express their love using his/her type of
love language

One’s LOVE TANK can only be filled up
with his/her preferred love language
How to relate with a person whose love
language is : WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
COMMUNICATION
Compliments
Affirmation
Praises
Kind Words
ACTION
Send notes &
cards for occasions
(birthday, anniversary,
promotion, graduation)
WHAT TO
AVOID
Criticism
How to relate with a person whose love
language is : RECEIVING GIFTS
COMMUNICATION
ACTION
WHAT TO
AVOID
Positive
Give gifts at all time :
Forgetting special
Fact-oriented information special occasions or notdates / days
so-special events
How to relate with a person whose love
language is : QUALITY TIME
COMMUNICATION
One-on-one
Not interrupting
Face-to-face
conversation
ACTION
WHAT TO
AVOID
Take a long walk together Long periods of
Take trips
absence
Do things together
Spend more time
with others
How to relate with a person whose love
language is : ACTS OF SERVICE
COMMUNICATION
ACTION
WHAT TO
AVOID
Action words like
I will, I do,
What else can I do?
Helping with house
chores
Repair / maintenance
Small acts of kindness
Ignoring
partner’s request
while helping
others
How to relate with a person whose love
language is : PHYSICAL TOUCH
COMMUNICATION
ACTION
WHAT TO
AVOID
A lot of non-verbal
Verbal needs `word
pictures’’
Hugs, Kisses
Pats, Touches
Physical neglect
& abuse
Mengubat hati yang terhiris luka
Muhasabah / refleksi niat hubungan selama ini
 Meningkatkan kecerdasan emosi – Emotional
Intelligence
 Cuba memaafkan kesilapan pasangan – Five
Languages of Apology
 Elakkan memendam perasaan DENDAM
 Membuat keputusan penting :



Masih terus bersama hingga ke syurga
Cukup sampai di sini
Bagaimana Melatih Diri agar
Cerdas Emosi
EMPAT LANGKAH MENUJU
KECERDASAN EMOSI
EMPAT LANGKAH MENUJU KECERDASAN EMOSI
KENALPASTI EMOSI
(Identifying Emotions)
MEMAHAMI EMOSI
(Understanding Emotions)
MENGGUNAKAN EMOSI
(Using Emotions)
MENGURUS EMOSI
(Manage Emotions)
FIVE LANGUAGES OF APOLOGY
 Expressing Regrets
 Accept responsibility
 Make restitution
 Genuinely repent
 Request forgiveness
LIMA BAHASA MEMOHON KEMAAFAN
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Menzahirkan kekesalan: Saya minta maaf
Menggalas tanggungjawab : Saya bersalah
Menawarkan ganti rugi ( dengan bahasa cinta yang
sesuai )
Menunjukkan kesungguhan : Saya benar-benar
menyesal
Memohon keampunan dan kemaafan
Menghindarkan perasaan dendam
 Selepas memaafkan,
lupakan kesilapan
 Tidak membuang tenaga menyimpan perasaan
dendam kesumat
 Dendam :



menyebabkan jiwa tidak tenteram
mengotorkan hati
menonjolkan akhlak keji
Tiada perasaan DENDAM di dalam
syurga Allah…..
Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bertakwa itu
berada dalam surga (taman-taman) dan (di dekat)
mata air-mata air (yang mengalir). (Dikatakan
kepada mereka): "Masuklah ke dalamnya dengan
sejahtera lagi aman“. Dan Kami lenyapkan segala
rasa dendam yang berada dalam hati mereka,
sedang mereka merasa bersaudara duduk berhadaphadapan di atas dipan-dipan.
Mafhum ayat 45 – 47 : Surah Al-Hijr
Five Keys to Your Man's Inner Heart
By Dennis Raines
He Needs Your Sincere Respect
– Respect = Listening, Understanding, Honouring &
Appreciating
He Needs to Feel Sexually Needed by You
–
Hey dude, I NEED YOU!!
He Needs Your Adventurous Companionship
– Just the TWO of YOU – doing the X-tremes ( MINUS
the kids! )
He Needs You to Grant him Sexual Satisfaction
– When he initiates, DO NOT REJECT. Just play along &
enjoy!
He Needs You to Pray alongside with him
– Understand how much he wants EVERYTHING to go
OKAY!
Five keys to Your Wife’s Inner Heart
by Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj
She Needs You to Express Your Love through Words & Action
– Convince her that she really matters
She Needs You to Lead Her during Daily Prayers
–
Both of you need constant divine interventions to stay
committed to each other
She Needs You to share the hardship of pregnancy, labour pain
and breastfeeding
– Appreciate her for all the trouble she has to go through to bear
your off-springs
She Needs You to accept and respect her parents and family
– Share your life with those she cares
She Needs Your Sincere Compliments on her natural beauty
and glow
– Seduce her with your kind words and gentle touch
Motivation for Mukmin
Abu Yahya Suhayb ibn Sinan said, “The Messenger of Allah, may
Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘What an
extraordinary thing the business of the believer is! All of it is
good for him. And that only applies to the believer. If good
fortune is his lot, he is grateful and it is good for him. If
something harmful happens to him, he is steadfast and that is
good for him too.’”
[Muslim]
91

Dan juga mereka (yang diredhai Allah itu ialah orang-orang) yang
berdoa dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhan kami, berilah kami beroleh
dari pasangan dan zuriat keturunan kami: perkara-perkara yang
menyukakan hati melihatnya, dan jadikanlah kami imam ikutan
bagi orang-orang yang (mahu) bertaqwa.
Al-Furqan : ayat 74