uncensored

E8
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TORONTO STAR
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SUNDAY, JANUARY 23, 2011
ON ON0
SUNDAY, JANUARY 23, 2011
ON ON0
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TORONTO STAR
H
E9
ENTERTAINMENT
STARGAZING
Specs, dregs, hexes & vexed vixens
If you’re looking for fashion tips, relationship advice and insight into deeper emotional well-being, you’re in the wrong place
BY MALENE ARPE
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Sarah Jessica Parker is filming I Don’t Know How She Does It, in which she
apparently plays someone who gets unfortunate hand tattoos while drunk and
then punishes herself by hitting her head with a cell phone. Looks promising.
MATT SAYLES/AP PHOTO
FRAZER HARRISON/GETTY IMAGES
Steve Buscemi and his once beloved, now estranged, protege, Skeletor,
narrowly avoided running into each other at the Golden Globes.
KIYOSHI OTOA/GETTY IMAGES
Seth Rogen’s improved hypno-glasses
cast a beauty spell over everything
except Adam Lambert’s outfit.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
If Zac Efron concentrates hard enough maybe his hair will grow back sooner.
JASON REDMOND/REUTERS
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Adam Lambert, even if the designer
Jack Black will bring back cuffed
has a box full of deeply incriminating
jeans even if he has to stand there
photos of you, there’s no excuse for
all day and all night and all next day. wearing that. Whatever that is.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
PATRICK SEMANSKY/AP PHOTO
Coming to a theatre near you: Samuel L. Jackson and Luke Wilson in the
dramedy, I Have No Idea What’s Going On And You Look Lost Too.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Free advice time, Chris Hemsworth! You may want to have that thing looked
after before you start promoting Thor. Unless it’s some kind of angry, rude
gesture directed at the photographer. In which case you should probably still
have it looked after before you start promoting Thor. You’re VERY welcome.
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
KATY WINN/GETTY IMAGES
JOHN SHEARER/GETTY IMAGES
DAVID LIVINGSTON/GETTY IMAGES
Claire Bloom, Lindsay Pulsipher, Julia Stiles and Julianne Hough present a new category: Necklace Or Incendiary Device.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
MIKE COPPOLA/GETTY IMAGES
While Andy Samberg is out having a
wonderful time, back in 1977, a freezing
teenage boy is missing his winter coat.
Jessica Alba and her husband Cash Warren gave the help a day off
and went shopping themselves. Unfortunately they never quite
managed to figure out how to make the groceries appear in the cart.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Jared Leto, recipient of the world’s first
Barbie-to-human hair transplant, shows no
adverse effects from the treatment.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Eric Bana is A) Having a better time than you. B) Having a better time than
you. C) Fleeing the Tentacled, Double-Toothed Mammoth Eel of Doom.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Good morning, class. Today we’ll be talking about the classic What is Steven Tyler doing? A) Promoting American
Idol. B) Saying no to drugs. C) Wondering where he is
painting Matt Damon In A Window: Sunrise. Note how the
smudges put the contemplative smirk-sorrow in stark relief. and why the dancing, glowing tulips speak only French.
PASCAL LE SEGRETAIN/GETTY IMAGES
RAY STUBBLEBINE/REUTERS
Ethan Hawke! If something is icky, you
can just let it go. Throw it on the floor!
Come on. It’ll be fine. Just. Let. It. Go.
JASON REDMOND/AP PHOTO
JOEL RYAN/AP PHOTO
This week in People Who Can (And Really, Really Want To) Hurt
You Just By Looking At You: Joe Jonas and Dominic Cooper.
I wondered what happened to Matthew Fox,
but it looks like he’ll next play a hardened
criminal - perhaps an eastern-European
gangster - just out of prison and trying to go
straight by becoming a delivery boy.
UNCENSORED
And the TV-viewing
public misses decency,
wit and talent. We all
have our crosses to bear
"I miss my real name. I miss
people calling me Nicole."
SNOOKI
Nice. What am I supposed
to do with 10 years worth
of fan fiction now?
“I have heard speculation that
Sam and Frodo might be an
item, but I don’t think Tolkien
really saw it that way.”
IAN MCKELLEN
CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY IMAGES
Jennifer Lawrence remains oddly unimpressed
as Quentin Tarantino offers to give her a very
special private tour of his secret VHS vault.
JOHN SHEARER/GETTY IMAGES
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
FRAZER HARRISON/GETTY IMAGES
TOBY CANHAM/GETTY IMAGES
PHIL MCCARTEN/REUTERS
If you’re looking for glasses that will make you appear serious and contemplative, then come on down to Half-Off Full-On Spectacles just like
Annette Bening, Elijah Wood, Guy Pearce, Tim Daly and Helena Bonham Carter did. PS: Yes, Guy Pearce and Tim Daly are two different people.
Double-awwww
Give it five years
“I started acting to be
included in a group,
because I felt excluded
in school . . . I just
liked being in a group
of people that didn’t
kick my shin.”
“I just can’t go to the
mall. It bothers me that I
can’t be outside very
often. And also to not
ever be ’some girl’ again.
Just being some chick at
some place, that’s gone.”
JESSE EISENBERG
KRISTEN STEWART
POP GOES
THE WEEK
Really old things come back
to life 1) Scientists at Kyoto
University say they will clone a
mammoth within the next five
years. 2) 34,000-year-old
salt-encased bacteria
spontaneously begins breeding.
3) Hugh Hefner takes to Twitter
and says that “age is still just a
number” after Ricky Gervais
makes fun of him at the Globes.
l Steven Tyler reveals that he
used to snort Lunesta But since
he has had to sit through the
American Idol auditions of 397
sensitive singer-songwriters the
need for any kind of sleeping aid
has completely disappeared.
l Julianne Hough and Christina
Aguilera may or may not have
had a nasty cat fight Possible
points of contention: 1) Who has
the better and cuter fake
boyfriend. 2) Who has the
better fake hair colour. 3) Who
was worse in Burlesque.
l Octomom Nadya Suleman
stars in a fetish video in which
she whips a diaper-wearing
grown man with a tattooed
forehead You know, Nadya,
when they say that your children
are going to love and respect
you no matter what, as long as
you try your best to provide for
them, they totally lie.
l Keith Urban and Nicole
Kidman call their baby Faith
Their other daughter is named
Sunday. Now all they need is a
boy named Collection Plate Pete
and they’ll have the hottest trio
on the church circuit.
l Keanu Reeves doesn’t think
that gun violence in his movies
has led to gun violence in real
life He does, however, admit he
may have contributed to
widespread moping, a rash of
sad-face and a marked increase
in questionable grooming.
l This week in hair 1) Robert
Pattinson dyes his hair red. 2)
Jennifer Aniston says that the
“Rachel” was, “the ugliest
haircut I’ve ever seen.” 3) E!
makes Khloe Kardashian change
her red locks back to brown. 4)
An L.A. company wants to open
a Justin Bieber concept store.
l Anne Hathaway will play
Kurt’s lesbian aunt on Glee
She’ll be singing the classic
“Please stop with the guest
stars on a show that was once
sweet and funny and has now
become an annoying parade of
celebs awkwardly shoe-horned
into non-sensical story lines.”
l A movie based on Angry
Birds is reportedly in
development Mel Gibson,
Christian Bale, Sean Penn,
Eminem and Russell Crowe are
already steamingly irate that
they haven’t been offered a role.
l Apocalypse watch 1) Jesse
James and Kat Von D get
engaged. 2) Two-hundred cows
drop dead in Wisconsin. 3)
George Lucas believes the world
will end in 2012. 4) Starbucks
introduces the Trenta cup, a size
bigger than the Venti. 5) Lindsay
Lohan’s younger brother wants
to be an actor. 6) Dave Navarro
is dating Tila Tequila. 7) Owen
Wilson’s baby is named Robert.
l Celebrity math Question: If
Charlie Sheen spends $26,000
on Vegas hookers and you can
rent Orlando Bloom’s house for
$18,000 a month, how long did
Mila Kunis’ $7,000 facial take?
Answer: Five million dollars
worth of borrowed Harry
Winston diamonds for J.Lo.
l
Erm . . . yes? No? Is it
possible there is no
right answer?
"Do people think that
somewhere in my brain I
think Derek [Jeter] can save
me from someone telling me
my dog can’t fly?"
MINKA KELLY