uncensored

E8
H
TORONTO STAR
H
SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 2011
ON ON0
SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 2011
ON ON0
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TORONTO STAR
H
E9
ENTERTAINMENT
STARGAZING
Dangerous dames and dizzy damsels
In a world gone mad it’s comforting to know that celebrities still commit robberies and gun violence the good old-fashioned way
BY MALENE ARPE
MICHAEL LOCCISANO/GETTY IMAGES
CHRIS PIZZELLO/AP PHOTO
Tom Cruise, politely, tries very hard to look as though he finds Cloris Leachman’s dirty jokes amusing.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Not only do Jon Bon Jovi and Mark
Wahlberg disapprove of your actions,
they’re also kinda saddened by them.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Isn’t the whole point of being rich — like Hilary Duff and Jessica Simpson
— that you no longer have to dress like a 1980s streetwalker?
ANDREW KELLY/REUTERS
Chloe Sevigny cannot believe how incredibly stupid everybody is. Fortunately that’s going to stop her from eating their souls.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
OLIVIER DOULIERY/ABACA PRESS
MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS
GERARDO MORA/GETTY IMAGES
DANNY MOLSHOK/REUTERS
Jennifer Garner, Blake Lively, LeAnn Rimes and Kristen Stewart are working on new, creative gang signs. It’s not going very well.
Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel are so not a couple.
They just share an avid interest in in motorcycles,
artfully distressed boots and casual sullenness.
All those celebrities who constantly want
privacy should learn from Ricky Martin, who
will pretty much show his fans anything.
RICK DIAMOND/GETTY IMAGES FOR CMT
Taylor Swift and Shania Twain are aiming at: A) Baby ducks; B) Puppies; C) Any cheatin’, lyin’, two-faced, deceivin’,
no-good, pond-scum-suckin’, good-woman-leavin’, untruth-tellin’, bad-end-deservin’ man who ever lived.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
MATTHEW LLOYD/GETTY IMAGES
KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES
It doesn’t matter how loudly Prince Harry yells. Josh Duhamel and Patrick
Dempsey still do not understand why they can’t be in the line of succession.
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
CENTRAL IMAGE AGENCY
Everything was going so well, but, unfortunately for Megan Fox and Katie Holmes’ burgeoning car
theft ring, Megan didn’t realize that you can’t just talk into your wrist. Worst. Look-out. Ever.
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
ANDREW KELLY/REUTERS
Dear Jackson Rathbone, that vest is
against the law. Please kill it with fire
and turn yourself in immediately.
Will Smith likes to challenge
random, invisible enemies to
impromptu boxing matches.
GARETH CATERMOLE/GETTY
ANDREW H. WALKER/GETTY
Kim Kardashian and Jessica Alba: Would you please just
stop trying to make orange and purple happen? Hmmm?
A visibly excited Sam Shepard calls a
friend to tell about his new gig as the
spokesmodel for Deep Discount
Dentistry, Corn Bread & Winter Tires.
UNCENSORED
Depends whether
she’s holding a
machete or a rattle
“How worried should I
be that my nanny walks
around humming Cee
Lo’s ’F#*k You?’ ”
ELIZABETH BANKS
The 1990s. A different time.
A time of innocence
“When I came up in this
business, if you made a sex tape,
you were embarrassed and you
hid it under your bed and if
you took naked pictures of
yourself on your cellphone, you
hid your face. Hide your face.”
REESE WITHERSPOON
Before
Now
After
“I only (got nude for
Friends With Benefits)
because I’m young now,
and everything’s where
it’s supposed to be.”
“You get better as you
age. You know what you
want and you become
stronger, mentally and
physically.”
“The greatest justice in
life is that your vision
and your looks tend to
go simultaneously.“
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
CAMERON DIAZ
KEVIN BACON
POP GOES
THE WEEK
This week in bans 1) The
British Board of Film
Classification bans The Human
Centipede II in the U.K.
2) Organizers of a Belgian music
festival agree to ban burgers
and sausages from the site in
honour of vegetarian Morissey.
3) Jennifer Lopez convinces a
judge to ban the sale of a sex
tape she made with her
ex-husband. 4) The French ban
the use of the words “Twitter”
and “Facebook” on TV. 5)
Anthony Weiner bans the use of
the word “wiener,” which caused
no small amount of confusion
among his staff.
l A disclaimer at the beginning
of Kanye West’s video for
“Monster,” which features
half-naked dead girls hanging
from nooses, reads, “The
following content is in no way
to be interpreted as
misogynistic or negative
towards any groups of people.
It is an art piece and it shall be
taken as such” Of course. Much
like my new painting, “Kanye
West Hangs On A Meat Hook
While 200 Women Throw Old
Fish At His Genitals” should be
enjoyed in the sweet, playful
way in which is was meant.
l Colin Firth is credited as one
of four authors of “Political
Orientations As Correlated
With Brain Structure in Young
Adults,” published in the
scientific journal Current
Biology Seething with multi-task
jealousy, James Franco issues a
press release revealing that he
is, in fact, the head of the team
that temporarily managed to
capture anti-matter.
l Paris Hilton’s new reality
show tanks and she blames the
network She specifically blames
them for: 1) Not being “hot.”
2) Not setting her up with a
crotch-tweeting politician.
3) The fact that viewers who
have a strange fascination with
idiot heiresses who are famous
because of sex tapes generally
prefer Kim Kardashian.
l Kate Gosselin says things are
now “peaceful” between her
and ex Jon Mostly because he’s
too far away to hear her yelling
at him when he falls asleep on
the couch with his morning beer.
l This week in nipples 1) Khloe
Kardashian suffers a six-minute
nip slip during an appearance on
Fox & Friends. 2) Lady Gaga
accidentally exposes herself on
the red carpet for the Fashion
Awards. 3) Anthony Weiner
mistakenly tweets a picture of
his naked chest to his wife.
l Lost creator Damon Lindelof
tweets that X-Men actress
January Jones “sucks at
acting” Well, I guess we can
probably rule him out as the
mystery father of her baby.
l Celebrity math Question: If
the Hunger Games trilogy is split
into four movies and Lauryn Hill
is expecting her sixth child, is
Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”
jacket really going to sell for at
$400,000 at auction? Answer:
Probably not, seeing as Jersey
Shore just got renewed for a fifth
season, Emma Watson says she
feels like she’s “100 years old”
and Zac Efron left a 40 per cent
tip on a $700 bar bill.
l
You may want to check out my
daily blog at thestar.blogs.com/
stargazing and follow at twitter.com/stargazingblog. My mom
recommends it (not really).