We Need Not Walk Alone - The Compassionate Friends

Transcription

Winter 2012 / Spring 2013
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Thoughts on the Tragedy
at Sandy Hook
Not Even a Feather
Voicing the Horror
TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting®
Baby, Can You See Me?
Lessons of a Big Sister
My Brother Bill
Bereavement by Drugs
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What?!
An Open Letter to Grieving Friends
Getting Unstuck: Finding Hope
Through Grief
Book Review
A Parent’s Guide to Raising
Grieving Children
TCF National Website Honored
TCF 36th National Conference
WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE
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FROM THE EXEC’S DESK
TCF Updates and News
This is an exciting time for The Compassionate Friends!
Major changes are being planned to help the organization meet
our very important vision that everyone who needs us will find
us, and everyone who finds us will be helped.
The Board of Directors, along with the staff, regional
coordinators, and other stakeholders, are working on a new
Strategic Plan that will be the blueprint to guide the organization
for the next five years. Some awesome initiatives have been
discussed for inclusion into the plan—initiatives that will allow
us to be there to extend our reach to even more bereaved parents,
siblings, and grandparents long into the future.
Let me tell you about some of these exciting initiatives.
Our great country has a diverse population, and we want to
make sure we are reaching out in all areas to bring help to people
who need our services, to locate more chapters in inner-city
areas, and to reach the ever-growing older population and those
who have had miscarriages and babies born still.
We are seeing more chapters offer Spanish language support
for the Latino population, and we are translating more brochures
into Spanish. Prior to the 2012 National Conference, we began
a program offering a special extended time period for a Spanish
language workshop and sharing session for Latino parents, siblings,
and grandparents. We also respond to e-mail referrals in Spanish
through qualified bilingual Latinos who also share the same culture,
thus providing an atmosphere of natural bonding. These initiatives
help round out the Spanish language section of our website and our
Facebook page devoted to grieving Latino family members.
We understand that to be a strong and vital organization, we
need to do a more effective job in making quality training more
easily accessible and affordable to our chapter leadership. This
is why, beginning in March, we will be offering more Chapter
Leadership Training Programs (CLTPs). With a new regional
CLTP concept, we will bring leadership training to the chapters
instead of asking that leadership members travel to a training
program in a large city. To provide our chapter leaders with
important training, regional programs will consist of one-day
intensive courses held on Saturday.
In a recent letter to the chapters, I advised the leadership that
the Board of Directors passed the bylaw amendment to bring
into the organization a chief operating officer—a COO. Having
a COO in place and sharing the administrative duties will allow
me more time to work with other organizations and on public
awareness initiatives. Here are a couple of exciting examples:
Recently, I flew to Los Angeles to be on the Ricki Lake
Show to talk about The Compassionate Friends and the death
of a child. The Compassionate Friends name was heard by a
million viewers.
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Additionally, The Compassionate
Friends was highlighted in an
extensive USA Today article.
USA Today has a readership of 3.2
By Pat Loder
million readers daily. The story was
also run in other Gannett publications around the country.
Identity theft is another matter of growing concern for
bereaved families. We are aware that, sadly, identity thieves
have been targeting children who recently died and filing income
tax returns claiming the child as a dependent.This can deny
the rightful parents of their deduction, causing further pain
at an already difficult time. We’ll be working to see what our
organization can do to stop this appalling practice from affecting
bereaved families.
We continue to upgrade and expand our public website with
our monthly webinars, online support community, and additional
content. In fact, I am very proud to announce that recently
GoodTherapy.org named our national website at the very top of
the 10 best resources on the Internet in 2012 for grief and loss.
We continually look for ways to expand our website. One way
is by making available on-demand videos of past conference
keynote speakers to give you the opportunity to see their
wonderful presentations. We will also be adding training videos
to our leadership site.
In addition to our highly regarded website, we have almost
47,000 people from all stages of the grief journey who follow our
Facebook page to discuss the question or thought of the day, and
we also offer Twitter and LinkedIn as means of support. Recently,
our nation collectively mourned when 20 small children and 7
adults were murdered in Newtown, Connecticut. Upon hearing
of this horrific tragedy, many of us were rocked to our core, often
revisiting painful parts of our own grief. The death of every child,
no matter the age, is a tragedy for those left behind to mourn. The
Newtown shootings certainly were a reminder of the great need
for an organization such as TCF to be there, offering strength and
hope after the death of a child.
As you can see, we’re working very hard to accomplish a lot
for our membership and to help our chapter leadership, without
whom none of this would be possible.
We are turning a new page in the history of this great
organization and bringing it to the next level. Together, we can
truly make our vision a reality, that everyone who needs us will
find us, and everyone who finds us will be helped. v
Pat
Winter 2012/Spring 2013
Vol. 36, No. 1/2
What’s It All About?
Features
Thoughts on the Tragedy at Sandy Hook
By Cathy Seehuetter .......................... 4
TCF Responds to Newtown .............. 4
Not Even a Feather
By Deb Robinson............................... 5
Voicing the Horror
By Anita Byars .................................. 6
TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting®
By Wayne Loder ................................ 8
By Amparo Atencio............................ 9
Bereavement by Drugs
By Philippa Skinner .......................... 12
What?!
By Tony Benjamin ............................. 13
An Open Letter to Grieving Friends
By Wesley Merritt .............................. 14
Getting Unstuck: Finding Hope
Through Grief
By Beth Marshall .............................. 15
TCF National Website Honored...... 21
TCF 36th National Conference ....... BC
Departments
From the Exec’s Desk
By Pat Loder .....................................
Ask Dr. Gloria .................................
TCF Patron Donations....................
TCF Foundation Donations............
Friends, Caring and Sharing .........
TCF Board of Directors ..................
TCF Chapter Support.....................
For Brothers and Sisters
Ask Dr. Heidi ...................................
By Karla Levering .............................
My Brother Bill
By Carole Renee Hasz.......................
Book Review
Grieving Children
By Dr. Phyllis Silverman and
Madelyn Kelly
Reviewed by Heidi Horsley ...............
Poetry
Tell Me What to Say
By James Eugene Batchelor..............
The views presented within this magazine represent those of the authors and do not necessarily represent
those of The Compassionate Friends.
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We Need Not Walk Alone is
the national magazine of
The Compassionate Friends, a mutual
assistance, self-help organization
offering friendship, understanding,
and hope to bereaved families
following the death of a child. The
Compassionate Friends provides
highly personal comfort, hope, and
support to every family experiencing
the death of a son or a daughter, a
brother or a sister, or a grandchild,
and helps others better assist the
grieving family. There is no religious
affiliation, no individual membership
fees or dues, and all bereaved family
members are welcome.
Visit TCF on the Net
For further information,
visit The Compassionate
Friends on the Internet at
www.compassionatefriends.org.
The Compassionate Friends
now offers an “Online Support
Community.” For more information,
select the Online Support
Community button on TCF’s
home page.
TCF’s Facebook page can be
reached through the link on the
home page of our national website.
Facebook members can also go to:
The Compassionate Friends/USA.
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Cover photo by Louise Foreman
in loving memory of her son, Will.
Louise is a member of the
Fairfax, Virginia, Chapter of
The Compassionate Friends.
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Thoughts on the
Tragedy at Sandy Hook
~By Cathy Seehuetter
By now, you are all sadly aware of the great tragedy that
occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown,
Connecticut. Our hearts are heavy, and we are stunned by
this cruel loss of the lives of not only adults, but of twenty
innocent young children. There really are no words to
describe adequately how I am feeling, and I am sure that your
thoughts and feelings echo mine.
This horrific tragedy is despicable, no matter the time of
year, but it also only added to the difficulty of the holiday
season for many of us. I feel like a pall has fallen over the
nation, and we wonder how something so unspeakable could
even occur, even in the darkest of minds . . .
I want to mention that sometimes when something so
tragic happens, is very public, (on all the radio and TV
stations, Facebook, and elsewhere), and everyone is talking
about it—like the school shootings in Connecticut now—it
can profoundly affect those of us who have had someone very
close to us die; in this case, especially children. It can bring
you back to the time your child, sibling, grandchild, stepchild,
Responds to Newtown
From the moment on December 14 that news filtered
through the offices of The Compassionate Friends about
the tragedy in Newtown, TCF has responded and made
preparations to help the community and the relatives left
behind to grieve.
The National Office sought and received donations for
its emergency fund, which was designed to help chapters
facing emergencies such as this. While plans have not
been cast in stone as We Need Not Walk Alone went to
press, TCF National has already done the following: aired
the webinar “The Nation Mourns and Together We Heal”
(available for on-demand viewing on TCF’s national
website); shipped 6,000 “Forever in My Heart” blue and
white silicone butterfly wristbands to be distributed at
no charge to the families and townspeople of Newtown
with a promise to ship more when needed; and created
online the “Newtown Remembrance Book of Love,”
which allows all who wish to post a caring message to
do so. The book will be presented to Newtown in the
future. Nearby TCF chapters are also making preparations
to help the families when they feel ready to venture to
chapter meetings seeking grief support. v
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niece, or nephew first died. That can be especially true when
it was a sudden and unexpected death. You may feel increased
depression and even physically ill. You might have flashbacks
to the time of their death. This is not uncommon at all, and
happens often in cases such as this. I recall our first chapter
meeting following 9/11 and the Columbine shootings. Nearly
all who attended those meetings felt these unspeakable
tragedies very deeply and also physically.
It helps to talk to others about your feelings, especially to
someone else who will understand. That is why the meetings
following 9/11 and Columbine were so invaluable. We all
learned that we were not alone in our feelings, and just
knowing that was comforting.
Pay close attention to how you are feeling and take
especially good care of yourselves. Our immune systems
take a pounding when we are stressed, both emotionally and
physically. Get enough sleep; take naps if you need them;
take vitamins; make healthy eating choices; exercise to get
those endorphins flowing. Do what you need to do, and be
gentle with your fragile hearts and psyches.
I would also recommend (I am doing this for myself)
taking breaks away from the glare of the media. The
stations have been bombarding us with news about this
tragedy, and I believe it is in our own best interests to do
other things, such as watch a movie, read, get some fresh
air, anything to turn the attention away from the constant
noise of such a horrific event. We know what happened.
I don’t think we need the constant reminders and pictures.
We know all we need to know; that a terrible, horrible
crime was committed. We know there are families who are
devastated by what has occurred, and we know the difficult
journey that lies ahead for them.
My prayers continue for all affected. We who have lost
loved ones know the difficult road ahead for the survivors. I
am just stunned by all of this, so much so that mere words
are inadequate.
TCF National began working immediately, brainstorming
how the organization could best help the families and the
community. Donations continue to come in for TCF’s
emergency fund, which is used in situations like this to help the
chapters cope with any shortfalls in bereavement materials and
to benefit the families in ways deemed most helpful to their grief
journey. To donate, go to www.compassionatefriends.org and
click on “Donation.” Fill in the donation amount and on the next
page, in the comment box, write “Emergency Fund.” Those who
are able can help in this manner, but all of us can think about the
secondary victims left behind to live with this sorrowful event
and, if you are a prayer, this is something we can do as well.
For those of you with smaller surviving children who,
no doubt, will be fearful and questioning about the school
shootings, I especially like a quote from the incomparable Mr.
Rogers that a very good friend of mine made me aware of.
It is not only helpful for children, but I think for us as well:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,
(Continued on next page)
Not Even a Feather
~By Deb Robinson
B
B
acking out of the garage, I checked the big rock that
we laid down to protect the killdeer eggs. Oh no, where are
they, and where is she? Frantically, I threw the truck into
park and jumped out. There was nothing left behind the rock
but a tiny indentation where the perfect little eggs had been
tended to by their mom. Not even a feather. They can’t just
disappear! . . . I guess they can. I bent over to touch the little
gravelly nursery and was surprised at how rough and cold
the stones were. That poor bird worked so hard to keep those
baby bird eggs safe. She just wanted to give them the best
chance that she possibly could. That kind of devotion doesn’t
come along every day. It’s so lonely being on high alert when
it seems some people get to go to bed at night and just assume
that all will be well in the morning. Poor little thing probably
stayed awake all night trying to keep her eggs safe!
I could’ve told her that it doesn’t matter how much we
stay awake or diligently on guard . . . it doesn’t always work.
You just end up exhausted . . . exhausted. Strange as it seems,
we really don’t have much control as we “flap our wings”
and take on the world. Other people don’t seem to have to
work so hard to raise and keep their children. Okay, deep
breath Deb, you are not a bird. I sure do talk to myself a lot
lately, but it seems safer than telling people that I went into a
crying fit because some lowly bird eggs and their mama were
missing! Yikes, I scare myself sometimes.
When we saw her flailing wings and heard her squawks
a few weeks ago, it took two of us to finally spot four
perfect eggs. For weeks we watched her sit during 90 degree
days, 40 degree nights, high winds, heavy rain, and even
thunderstorms. It seemed she’d blow away as the wind
whipped around her . . . but still she sat. There was a perfect
view through the front window to see her chewing out other
birds, squirrels, the mail carrier, and anything that dared to
come near her precious eggs.
I wonder if I did everything I could’ve to save Brian . . .
He took all of my energy, time, and love. I really would
try it again, but that’s not a choice I get to have. Maybe if
I’d moved him in with us and monitored him really, really
closely . . . I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d
gone to live in a group home with more supervision. Possibly,
that would’ve been the perfect situation to get him back on
track. Maybe, just maybe, if he could’ve stayed at the VA
hospital for, like a whole year, the routine would’ve retrained
him to . . . to what? To not overdose, to not seek drugs when
he had lost control over that part of his brain, or maybe to
stop having seizures that racked his body like an internal
earthquake? I guess no one has that kind of control over
someone else. No, not even a mother who felt that being his
mom was who she was meant to be. A love so intense that it
could physically hurt!
I was probably overly protective when he was a little boy,
but I wanted to do it right and watch him grow to be happy.
I absolutely loved being his mom. When Brian left for basic
training ten days before his eighteenth birthday, I held my
breath. I tried not to let my anxiety and worry seep into him,
but he knew me so well.
“Mom, what’s wrong? You don’t sound happy. Come
on, you can tell me. Is Dad okay? You’re not sick, are you?
Maybe you could use one of those power naps you’re so
good at! Yeah, that’s probably what you need! Gotta go, I
love you, Mama.”
These phone calls made me work even harder to keep
my voice cheerful so that he wasn’t distracted going into
combat. Sometimes, as I look back, it feels like every breath
and action I took were to protect him. Oh, maybe I was too
protective, and he didn’t learn to fend for himself. No, I think
moms just do that. My mom did.
Heading out one last time to check for any sign of the
killdeer or her precious, perfect little eggs, I sat down on the
rock that we thought would protect the little family. It can
all go away with no warning. You don’t have to see or hear
anything, and it’s all just gone. It really makes no sense that
something that loved, protected, and nurtured can just . . .
poof! Even if I understood how it could happen; I am still
stumped about why? Little birds should not be gone. Brian
should still be calling. v
Deborah Robinson lost her only child on February 15th, 2012.
She is a retired para-pro, and lives with her fiancé, Dave Block,
in Deckerville, Michigan. Deborah became widowed when
her husband died from an Agent Orange–related cancer after
serving in Vietnam. Her son, Brian, suffered from post-traumatic
stress disorder following two deployments to Afghanistan
and Iraq. He died from an accidental prescription drug overdose
at age 27.
(Thoughts on the Tragedy at Sandy Hook, continued from previous page)
my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will
always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially
in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words, and I
am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many
helpers—so many caring people in this world.” v
Cathy Seehuetter’s 15-year-old daughter, Nina, died on Cathy’s
birthday on May 11, 1995, the victim of a drunk driver; and her
39-year-old stepson, Chris, died by suicide on June 2, 2012. Cathy
is Minnesota’s regional coordinator, as well as the St. Paul chapter
leader and newsletter editor. She previously served on the TCF
National Board of Directors, and was the conference chair for the
34th TCF National Conference held in Minneapolis, Minnesota,
in 2012. She is married and has four surviving children and five
grandchildren, of whom she is incredibly proud.
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Voicing
the
Horror
~By Anita Byars
On a bright Spring day, I got an e-mail from our chapter
leader, Cathy, that said something like, “Anita, I just reserved
the room at the hotel for the TCF national conference in Costa
Mesa. Are you going to room with me? I have checked on
flights, and they still look a little high. We can watch them for
a while before we book.” Hmmmm I thought to myself. These
days, I sometimes have trouble making decisions; hence, the
“Hmmmm.” I didn’t hesitate long before I committed to go. I
had been thinking of attending a TCF conference, and Cathy
and I had been discussing it. It was a perfect opportunity to
go, and she had already done all the hard work. We booked
our flights, we registered for the conference, and I had my
days scheduled off. I was getting pretty anxious leading up
to the conference. I had lots of thoughts whirling: Why don’t
I just stay home? I’m needed at work. I’m not going to feel
comfortable around all of those people. These thoughts just
fell in with the usual litany of things swirling around in my
head about how I couldn’t possibly be doing the right thing,
so I ignored them as best I could and proceeded with packing
my suitcase and getting to the airport.
The travel was tiring, and the time difference was hard to
get used to, but the conference was an amazing experience.
It was so great to be there with Cathy and the Plotkins. They
were like anchors for me. If I ever felt like I was drifting,
one of them would be there. Knowing that I would see them
for lunch or dinner gave me the little bridges to home that I
needed to help me feel comfortable going off to workshops
on my own. All of the workshop leaders were great, and each
workshop impacted me in a very positive way. A workshop
that intrigued me from the beginning was titled “Dealing
with the Distinctive Bereavement Needs of Parents That
Lose a Child to a Drug Overdose.” What a mouthful! Could
this be right? Do we have something unique that should
be discussed? The room was pretty full, and I was a little
late. Still, I saw a seat toward the front and took it. I was
enthralled with every word from there on out.
The workshop leaders were William and Beverly
Feigelman. William, a sociologist, and Beverly, a clinical
social worker, are from New York. Their son died from
suicide after a cocaine binge. Dr. Feigelman presented the
first half of the workshop, explaining statistics and results
from an extensive survey they’d conducted of bereaved
parents. They developed a stigma scale to assign a number
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to the intensity of the stigma one is subjected to from the
circumstances surrounding the cause of death. Lots of charts
and numbers is exactly the way to get to me. It is just how my
brain works and how I can make sense of the world. Needless
to say, when Dr. Feigelman started presenting the results
from their survey showing that parents whose children died
from overdose suffered a stigma very similar to that suffered
by parents whose children had died from suicide, he had my
full attention. He articulated so many things that I have been
thinking but did not know how or when to say.
The second half of the workshop was conducted by
Beverly, who focused more on resources to get help and
how to reach out. She covered other details, but I was on
information overload. Luckily, their book had just been
published, so I purchased it on the spot and Dr. Feigelman
signed it, “For Aron, Jesse, & all the other loved children that
left us before their time. Best Wishes, Bill & Bev.”
As I read the book, I knew that this was a subject matter
I was interested in. I needed to talk about it. I needed to hear
from other people who could validate my feelings. I needed
to figure out a way to stop blaming myself. I thought a lot
about how I could accomplish this for myself. It did not make
sense to dedicate the subject matter of a meeting to this. Some
people would feel alienated, and some people might not want
to share in the broader group. I know that I hesitate to speak
sometimes for fear that I will alienate or, worse yet, scare the
pants off some other young parents who still have growing
and developing children. The full story with all of the details
is not for the faint of heart.
Even I felt uncomfortable in the world of those of us who
have traveled the path of addiction with their children for
years and years and suffered the emotional and financial
ravages that accompany it. But now, I want to hear it all. I
want to hear it all, and I want to tell my entire story. I want
to tell it because I want to stand up for myself against this
stigma. And I want to stand up for all the other parents who
have endured people saying asinine things like, “It was
probably for the best because he just would have been a lot of
trouble for you if he had lived longer.” But most of all, I want
to stand up for myself against the stigma that I am placing on
myself. I need to talk about this, and I need to hear from other
parents about their journey. I want to clear a path to allow
myself to let go of some of the blame, and forgive myself for
not being perfect . . . for not being able to prevent something
that was never in my control.
So I sent an e-mail to a few folks. I said I would like
to meet at my house on a Thursday night. I was surprised
when someone said yes. Then someone else said yes, and
then someone else. Oh, my goodness I was so thrilled! And
nervous! On that night, six people joined me. It was a good
group, and I can say that it was one of the best things I have
done for myself in these seven years since Aron died. I won’t
go into details out of the same respect that I would request for
my own privacy, but there are some really fantastic parents
(Voicing the Horror, continued from previous page)
who come to our TCF chapter. We are
parents who cared for our children, and
we did everything we could for them.
We fought for them with everything we
had, and we love them fiercely even
today. I still wish I understood why
some stories with these battles have
happy endings and ours ended in this
horrific journey. Until someone figures it
out, I hope we can continue this sharing.
We planned another date on a Sunday
because some people could not make
the short notice that I provided for that
Thursday. Again, I was amazed and
thrilled with the sharing on this day. I
was reminded that it is possible to be
a good, loving parent and still end up
in this nightmare. If this group is any
kind of typical cross section, I would
have to say that it is more the norm that
good, loving parents can end up here.
Why have I been telling myself all these
years that it must be some deficiency
particular to me that caused my son to
make some really poor life choices?
When I hear the stories of these amazing
parents, I hope that someone out there
thinks I belong in that group. I want to
stop identifying myself as an obviously
bad parent. I want to start identifying
with the way I perceive all of the parents
who are sharing their stories with me
because they are obviously good parents
and good people.
These two meetings have been such a
success that we have decided it is worth
it to make meeting a regular occurrence.
I’m not certain how long this will last
or what will happen next, but I know
this is an important grief milestone for
me. I have taken a small step forward
by voicing the horror that follows me
around every day. v
Anita is the proud mom of one son,
Aron, who died of a drug overdose
in 2005. She started attending
Compassionate Friends meetings at the
Cincinnati East Chapter and is currently
active on the steering committee of the
Houston Inner Loop Chapter.
ASK
Dr. Gloria
Dr. Gloria Horsley, MFC, CNS, PhD, is the
founder and president of the Open to Hope
Foundation, an internationally known grief
expert, a psychotherapist, and bereaved parent.
Gloria cohosts the Internet radio show
Open to Hope, at www.opentohope.com,
and has authored a number of books
and articles. She will be answering your
questions related to loss, grief,
and recovery for the bereaved adult.
Please send your question to:
Dr. Gloria Horsley
c/o Catherine Patillo, WNNWA,
P.O. Box 526194
Salt Lake City, Utah 84152-6194
E-mail: [email protected]
Question:
Recently I have become concerned about bereaved parents of mentally ill
children becoming the targets of blame and criticism. My son suffered through
years of clinical depression before his death. We did everything we could to try
and help him. Do you think I am being too sensitive?
Answer:
No, I do not think you are being too sensitive. In watching the news and
reading online articles, I have had some of the same thoughts and concerns
regarding family members, especially mothers whose mentally ill children have
committed crimes, or who have died by suicide. Diagnosis of mental illness is
often not clear until the child leaves home and can no longer cope. This is often
after the age of 18 when, as adults, a person with a mental illness may not seek
treatment or may self-medicate, leading to a possible overdose. Let’s face it, in
the end it does not matter how our children died, but how they lived. We raised
them from babies, loved them dearly, and tried desperately to help them when
it was needed. Thanks for your concern for others, and God bless all parents,
siblings, and grandparents, especially those whose loved ones are struggling
with a mental illness. v
We Need Not Walk Alone Now Accepting Advertising
We Need Not Walk Alone is now accepting
paid advertising for grief-related information
and products.
Ads are available in 1/4-page, 1/2-page,
and full-page sizes, and are accepted in highresolution PDF format only. For additional
information, including pricing, please call
877-969-0010, ext. 308, or write to
[email protected]. v
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Sherry Rivers
Leonard: My wife and I went to our
first Compassionate Friends candle
light meeting last night (it was our
first meeting ever). What a gift
to be surrounded by people who
understand what we are going
through. I sat and talked until I could
barely stay awake. We laughed and
cried and shared openly about our
beautiful daughter’s life and death. It
seems that the capacity to listen from
those who have lost a child is almost
as large as my capacity to share
about my precious child’s life. Thank
you to all of the . . . Compassionate
Friends who cared enough to reach
out and embrace us with their love.
2012 Worldwide Candle Lighting of TCF of Toledo Bend in Zwolle, Louisiana, where more than 385 attended
Worldwide Candle Lighting® Grows
~By Wayne Loder, Public Awareness Coordinator
It’s an understatement to say that
the holiday season is challenging for
families forced to face it after the
death of a beloved child. There are
decorations, parties, gifts for other
children—and all at a time when the
family is least able to psychologically
handle the stress.
Worldwide Candle Lighting® is a
symbolic way to show love and support
for one another in addition to honoring
the memories of the children we
have lost. Illuminating tens of thousands
of candles around the world shows that
grief has no political boundaries and we
are united.
The 2012 16th Worldwide Candle
Lighting® continued the global path
of growth as we received information
on 629 services worldwide, which
included 149 services from 17 countries
outside the United States (as well as
every state). Our website showed the
international aspect of the event as we
welcomed visitors from 85 countries
who left over 5,300 posts in our
Remembrance Book honoring children
gone, but never forgotten.
8
•
“We want to thank every person
who helped on any level to make
the Worldwide Candle Lighting®
happen,” says Patricia Loder, TCF/USA
Executive Director. “Without you, so
many bereaved parents, siblings, and
grandparents would not have a special
day during the holidays to remember a
beloved child or sibling.”
Here are just a few comments we
spotted on our TCF/USA Facebook
Page or in the Remembrance Book on
our national website:
Barb: Thank you, Compassionate
Friends, for giving us this very
special night to celebrate our love
for our children. With the holidays
coming, it is so hard to not dwell on
the emptiness, but try to think how
much happiness our child brought
us, whether it was for a short time
or many years. If I never had my
child in my life, I would not have the
pain and emptiness from losing her,
but for the happiness and joy she
brought to my life . . . I will endure
the pain. She will forever be loved
and remembered.
Sheri: This, our first memorial
ceremony, was very meaningful
and emotional. I am grateful to The
Compassionate Friends, grateful
that I found this organization, and
grateful that I have such wonderful
friends to share my journey.
Anonymous: It is so sad to realize how
many parents experience the painful
loss of their child. All of these
mothers and fathers understand
how devastating it is. I will never
stop missing my sweet daughter
and I am grateful for the support I
have received from the genuinely
compassionate friends I have met
since she died. We are a family. Our
candles light up the world with love
that never ends.
v
~By Amparo Atencio
likeT he culmination of all the training runs . . . the throng of lik
minded people . . . the crack of the starting pistol . . . ah, race
day jitters! Nothing could motivate me more than the start of a
5K, 10K, half-marathon, or triathlon back in the day. That was
then. Back then, I never looked up. I never noticed the blueness
of the sky. I never noticed the vastness of the stars. I never paid
attention to the sunrise. I never saw the craters of the moon.
That was then.
That changed at 5:25 a.m. on August 8, 2011, when I
received the news that my son, Tony James Phillips, had drawn
his last breath at 22 years, 10 months, and 5 days. Unwilling
to believe my new reality, I spent the next year dazed and
confused, still not looking up. In my haze, I continued to put
one foot in front of the other: going to work, going to school,
and yes, even laughing and socializing, presenting the image of
a strong woman. As reality set in and the haze lifted, I cracked.
Like shards of broken glass and jagged rocks, the pain of my
forever-changed future pierced my heart, my soul, my mind
beyond endurance. The cracks in my facade grew larger, as my
focus and concentration disappeared. A perpetual sob lodged
in my throat, even as keening wails escaped from it. My lack
of memory grew even worse. Finally, I raised the white flag of
surrender and admitted that I had lost my way. I was derailed
from my linear grief journey and accepted the journey for the
circular path that it is. With the compassion and support that
I needed from my management, I took a hiatus from work. I
started to look up.
I started to look up with the realization that Tony now
possessed knowledge that I did not have. In life, he had turned
to me for wisdom so many times. Now, I would turn to him.
Serenity washed over me when I sensed his energy in the skies
as I looked up. Among the twinkling stars, one shone brightest
of all. I asked, “Baby, can you see me?” Another night, the stars
over the quiet sky enveloped me like a blanket, and I felt the
peace that only a mother can feel when she embraces her child.
“Baby, can you see me?”
That began my foray into seeking gems from Tony in the
natural beauty of East Tennessee. Energy only changes form
and does not cease to exist, and so I know that his spirit lives
on. Gems come to me on the wings of butterflies, in the chirping
of birds, in thunderclaps and flashes of lightning, in the warmth
of the sun. Every living creature, every rustling breeze, every
whisper of leaves, every gurgling stream carries his spirit.
All the goodness and beauty that surround me on my walks
encompass the good, the true, and the beautiful of my Tony.
When I see a butterfly, or a squirrel, or a honey bee, or a deer, I
believe these are my “shout-outs” from Tony! I rejoice and send
him a silent message back: “I will never forget; I will never stop
loving; you will never be harmed again.” And then I ask, “Baby,
can you see me?” I know that he can.
During my hiatus, I sat on a huge rock at the halfway point
to the Gentlemen’s Watering Hole in Rugby and heard the
call of doves overhead. It was an uphill walk on the way back
to the trailhead, punctuated by the rustle of the water when I
came across small rapids. The River Boardwalk at Ijams Nature
Center eventually led me to a natural quarry with only the
sounds of my footsteps to accompany me. At the University of
Tennessee Arboretum, I stood absolutely still, watching a deer
serenely nibble on leaves and enjoy the sun as much as I was.
A misty orb appeared over my mouth and heart in a picture that
was taken of me at Obed Wild and Scenic River, kisses from
Tony. I watched the miniature fish in the water by a fishing dock
at Clark Center Park before I leaned back to watch the fluffy
clouds above. This day, my grief consumed me as my sadness
carried across the water and my tears fell without ceasing.
Other nights, I saw the moon as a crescent, a tiny sliver, and
even in its full glory. The majestic skies revealed planets and
constellations that I had never noticed before, when I didn’t
look up. Riding a horse in Townsend, my guide and I were
surrounded by a menagerie of butterflies along the trail that
flew in a cluster beside us for several breathtaking moments.
I dangled my feet over rocks at the Sinks in the Great Smoky
Mountains as I basked in the sun. I stood in awe, looking into
the spectacular gorge for miles in the horizon of Big South
Fork. I stopped midway across a tall walking bridge in Stearns,
Kentucky, to watch the dragonflies hover over the still waters
below. Butterflies with blue wings, some yellow, and orangeblack ones fluttered along my walk at Elkmont. The Blue Ridge
Parkway leading to the scenic Tail of the Dragon on Highway
129 revealed more majestic vistas and billowing clouds.
It was at the Tail of the Dragon, on the anniversary of Tony’s
death, that I laid some of his ashes along his beloved route. I
drove through S curve after S curve until I finally found the
perfect spot, shaded by a massively tall tree. I rested against the
tree with his ashes on my lap and then plunged my hand into
the bag, feeling bits of bone and ashes sift through my fingers.
As I gently poured out his remains at the base of the tree, a
honeybee landed next to me and crawled through the ashes. Its
tiny wings dipped—my “shout-out” from Tony! Through my
tears, I stroked my heart with my hand that was covered in his
ashes, wanting to absorb him in any way I could. Time passed
in solemn minutes until I had to acknowledge that I could not sit
against the tree until the end of my days, and I slowly gathered
myself up to continue the journey home. I received one more
“shout-out” on the way, although this was a man-made one. Too
awesome to ignore, this sign was that of two contrails from jets
that had flown in opposite directions, forming a huge letter “T”
in the blue, clear sky!
Yes, baby, I hear you—you are letting me know that yes
indeed, you can see me! v
Amparo Atencio lives in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and is a
technical training specialist for a government contractor. Tony
Phillips, her only child, was murdered in 2011. She is a member
of the Knoxville HOPE Chapter of The Compassionate Friends.
•
9
BEREAVED SIBLINGS
~By Karla Levering
There was a game we played when we were little, my
sister and I. It had a certain set of rules and unique
characteristics. Our playing field was the living room,
our teams were Kathryn vs. Karla, and our referee was
our mother, who watched us closely, peppering us with
disapprovals to slow down. It didn’t seem like much next to
the neighbor’s soccer game in the backyard, but it was our
game, and we could play it together. To keep her feet warm
while she sat receiving her fluids, Kathryn wore bright yellow
Pooh Bear socks, two sizes too large and perfect for slipping
off. I would slink around the edge of the couch and she would
pretend not to see me as my hand jolted forward to snatch
ASK
Dr. Heidi
her sock, greedily grabbing a toe or two in the process. I
escaped around the corner to hide it in one of the front rooms.
Sometimes it went into a drawer, other times behind the potted
plant, and if I was feeling mischievous, two steps up on the
stairs. As I boisterously hollered for her to begin her search,
Kathryn would walk the trusty IV along like her sidekick to
find the Pooh Bear sock. Just before I was ready to burst with
anticipation, she’d wheel around the corner holding the prize
above her head like a gold medal winner of the Olympics.
Rapidly dividing cells seemed to be her demise, going
by the alias of “cancer.” To her six-year-old sister, this word
meant more than “abnormal cells dividing without control.”
To me, the word cancer meant shots and blood. It meant
“tubies” sticking out from my sister’s chest like a tangle of
greedy snakes. It meant the sickly sweet chemical smell that
permeated everything. It meant long nights filled with yelling,
vomiting, and crying. Cancer meant death. But Kathryn never
let cancer define her. Her bald head was beautiful, and she
proudly revealed her scar to anyone brave enough to look.
Watching Kathryn’s battle was the hardest thing I will ever
Question:
My big brother died last October, the month of my daughter’s birthday. Since
his passing, my friends have told me I’m not the same. How do you get back
to being yourself again? Seems like everything I once enjoyed was wrapped up
with my brother somehow. I’m trying to look past the pain and go on and put on
a bright smile, but when I asked my husband if I was different, he said, “A lot,”
but that he couldn’t pinpoint as to how I’ve changed. My brother helped raise
me, being eight years older. It just seems like some part of myself died with him.
Does anyone else have these feelings?
Answer:
Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved
sibling as well as a psychologist.
She is the executive director of the
Open to Hope Foundation,
cohost of the Open to Hope radio program,
www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor
at Columbia University, and a national board
member of The Compassionate Friends.
She will be answering your questions
related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings.
Please send your question to:
Dr. Heidi Horsley
c/o Catherine Patillo, WNNWA
P.O. Box 526194
Salt Lake City, Utah 84152-6194
E-mail: [email protected]
10
•
Losing a brother or sister is a lot more difficult than many people realize, and
it has not even been a year since your brother died. We are not the same after
a sibling dies; we are profoundly changed. Your brother was part of your past;
you grew up together and had a shared history. There are things he knew about
you that nobody else knows. It sounds like you were very close, as he helped
raise you. It’s normal to feel like a part of you has died with him. It takes awhile
to move through the severe pain after this kind of loss. You will never be back
to your normal life, but you will create a “new normal” and eventually go on
to incorporate him into your life in new ways and to reinvest in life again. One
of our roles as bereaved siblings is to keep our brothers’ and sisters’ memories
alive for our friends, relatives, and children. Your daughter will remember her
uncle through the wonderful stories you share about him. Many siblings feel
the same way you do after a sibling death; you are not alone. Try not to be too
hard on yourself during this first year. You hurt so much because you loved him
so much. Right now take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with supportive
people, and reach out to others who have lost siblings and understand what
you’re going through. Your brother lives forever in your heart, and you will
always be his little sister. v
My Brother Bill
~By Carole Renee Hasz
Dear Bill,
I am writing this to you in hopes that in your afterlife, you
know how much I loved you.
I was reading a pamphlet at church one Sunday when
I saw there was a need for volunteers to co-facilitate
bereavement groups. Bill, I was nervous . . . I didn’t do much
public speaking at the time, and the thought of dealing with
all the survivors’ grief made me feel uneasy. I got up the
nerve to call, though, and get more information.
Of course, there was a tremendous need for volunteers . . .
How many people like to sit in a group and talk about the
dead? I think you could find the humor in that. I considered
it for a while, and then decided it would be a real way to
personally grow and help a bunch of people along the way.
What a journey I was in for. I knew I’d never really gotten
over Jim’s sister, Nancy’s death. Years later, training and
volunteering in bereavement helps me in a small way to
move through the days without you on this earth.
So I enlisted in the bereavement training with the church
through the diocese of Newark. I remembered you were
a CCD teacher way back in high school. This part of my
journey lasted about seven years.
(Lessons of a Big Sister, continued from previous page)
do. But Kathryn knew how to look fear in the face. That girl
had guts.
Kathryn taught me how to live. She had every reason
to quit, but her spirit was never broken. No matter what
hardships I may face today, I know I can conquer them; that
was the legacy Kathryn left me. When the time comes for me
to face my own struggles and my core is exposed, instead of
losing my morals or standards to overcome the struggles, I
will be strong and brave, just as Kathryn taught me. When
the smoke fades and facades are broken, the strength of a
person is exposed. I was given a gift; I had six precious years
with my sister to learn the secret to life and to figure out the
person I wanted to be. The bitter reality of a life cut short has
matured me quickly, but has also kindled a fire that is now
the center of my beliefs. I have been humbled by Kathryn
but at the same time, inspired. If my big sister could muster
her way through six years of treatment, I know I can tackle
calculus, petty high school drama, and maybe even college
applications. Even though Kathryn’s life was predetermined
to be fleeting and bare, she filled it with the most life, love,
and laughter of anyone I’ve ever known. Kathryn showed
me true tenacity and endurance under the strains of adversity.
One day, when I am faced with my own set of hardships, I
will be able to look back to Kathryn’s example, which has
pioneered the way for me. I know I can conquer my future
challenges and in the end, I will be able to hold up my own
Life at my home was not going well, and I was suffering
my own losses with Bruce’s alcohol addiction. I finally had to
quit my volunteerism because I could not go out at night and
leave my children alone with him. Bruce went into recovery
twice, and I think you won’t be surprised to know that he goes
in and out of his reality till this very day.
I am glad that we were able to spend a weekend at the
shore while I was renting a house for a week in Cape May,
New Jersey. I know that life got very hard for you some time
after that. You were such a support to me and my children,
Jimmy Jr. and Renee. They loved you also. I think you’ll be
very proud of me that I told a few of our relatives I didn’t
want them to say anything bad about you, because you were a
good brother to me and good uncle to my children.
My heart went out to you when you started losing your
dexterity. You suffered, and knowing this allows me to live
without you, because I know you are not in pain anymore. My
life will never be the same without you, Bill. I miss you, my
brother. I love you, Bill. v
Carole lives in Ogdensburg, New Jersey, with her son, James M.
Laird Jr. Her daughter, Renee Marie Laird, resides in
Pennsylvania. Carole is a former volunteer as a bereavement
facilitator of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha Parish in Sparta, New
Jersey, and belongs to The Compassionate Friends Morris Area
Chapter of New Jersey.
yellow Pooh Bear sock and know that not only have I made
myself proud, but that I’ve made my big sister proud. v
Karla Levering is a senior at Olentangy Liberty High School.
She is a member of the Knox County Chapter of TCF and lives
in Powell, Ohio, with her parents, Ken and Suzanne, and her
younger sisters, Kristen and Kelly. Karla’s older sister, Kathryn,
was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at two and half years old, and
after six years of treatment, passed away. Karla has learned many
lessons from her big sister that she has applied to her own life,
and she hopes Kathryn would be proud.
WNNWA Now Available Online
Courtesy of The Compassionate
Friends, you, your family, and
friends can now read the We
Need Not Walk Alone magazine
online without charge. To sign
up for free access to this and
future issues online, go to
www.compassionatefriends.org
and click on “National Magazine
Sign-Up” at the top of the page.
•
11
Bereavement by Drugs:
A Personal Reflection
~By Philippa Skinner
Our son Jim died five years ago of a heroin overdose,
at the age of 21. It was a total body blow for us. Although
he had messed around with cannabis when he was 16 or 17,
we believed he had moved on, and we didn’t know he was
involved with drugs of any kind at the time of his death, let
alone a drug like heroin.
There is a whole lot I’d like to tell you about Jim; what
he was like, what he enjoyed, and there’s so much I could
write about the pain of losing him and the years of sorrow that
followed. Here, though, I want to discipline myself to think about
one particular result of losing him in the way we did; the struggle
with feelings of shame, stigma, and subsequent isolation.
One year ago in this magazine, (Winter 2011/Spring 2012
edition), William Feigelman wrote about his research into the
specific needs of families bereaved by drugs. He highlighted
both the social stigma faced by such families and also the paucity
of resources available to them to help them through their grief.
As I read his article, I found it rang true to my own experience.
When Jim died, though I was surrounded by much kindness,
I was unable to find specific support to help me in my loss.
Sadly, at that difficult time, I felt unable to contact groups such
as Compassionate Friends UK or Cruse Bereavement, because
I had a dread that I would not be met with sympathy and that
Jim would be judged. My gut fear was that no one would care
about him because he had died of a drug overdose. I was afraid
he and his family would be labelled and stereotyped. In my
worst imaginings, I could hear voices saying things like, “The
world’s better off without people like him,” or “Well, it was his
own choice to take drugs.” In other words, I feared judgement
of myself and our family and of Jim.
At that time, it was very hard to walk into social gatherings
of any kind, as my bereaved mind and soul struggled with the
anxiety that behind the kind and concerned faces were hidden
harsh and unloving words and thoughts. I loved Jim so much
and knew what a lovely young man he was and how much
potential he had, and I couldn’t bear the thought that on top
of the wrenching pain of losing him, other people might be
thinking badly about him.
Such tangled and painful emotions caused me to feel very
alone in those early months. Who could I speak to about such
awful feelings; who could possibly understand? I wanted
everyone to know how utterly wrong it was that Jim had died,
how special and loved he was, and that he mattered just as
much as any other young person who had died of any other
cause, natural or accidental.
Battling with such pain and not knowing where to turn, I
found myself at the end of two years still deep in grief. It’s true
that I was getting on with other parts of my life, caring for my
12
•
family and pursuing a counselling course, but everything I was
doing was coming from this deep pot of grief and desperation,
and it was exhausting me. They were truly wearying months.
Eventually, in November, two years after Jim died, I was
guided to a charity in the UK called DrugFam, set up not long
before by another mum who had also lost her son to heroin.
DrugFam was different from many other support groups in that
they aimed not only to help families facing the nightmare of
looking after loved ones with addiction issues in life, but also
in death. Now, at last, I was able to meet and talk with other
people who were experiencing many of the same emotions I
was facing. We were able to support one another and talk about
our children or siblings in a safe place where we knew no one
would judge either them or us. There were lots of tears, of
course, but now I was not alone. What a relief it was to know
that all these terrible, confused feelings were not unique to me.
It became increasingly clear to me that if the stigma of drug
death was going to begin to be lifted, people who had endured
it needed to speak out and tell others about their loved ones,
as a way of challenging commonly held preconceptions about
drug users, and to help a wider group to understand.
For this reason, I wrote a book telling Jim’s story and my
reflection on living with grief and the stigma of loss by drugs.
In the UK at least, there was a gap in the market for such a
book. I had longed in the earlier days to read about how others
in our situation had survived, but had found nothing. So this
book became my contribution—a small beginning, but one that
has now reached out to many others bereaved in this way, as
well as those who have suffered other kinds of loss. It is also,
of course, my memorial to Jim; my way of sharing him with
others and letting it be known how very proud I am of him.
When I get the opportunity, I speak at meetings about Jim,
the wider issue of drugs, and the shame and stigma felt by the
families of users, both in life and in death. I’ve been privileged
to address the North Staffordshire Compassionate Friends and
experienced genuine warmth and acceptance there, and not the
lack of understanding I had originally feared. Above all, I share a
mother’s love and pride in a wonderful son. I find that many who
hear me speak feel released to come and share their own hurts
and pains that they have often held secretly for many years. This
is a huge privilege for me and a powerful way of continuing Jim’s
contribution to the world he was part of for too short a time.
With others in DrugFam I am writing a booklet aimed
specifically at helping those who have suffered a drug- or alcoholrelated loss, to give them some pointers in their pain, so that they
might know more of what to expect and where to turn for help as
the days and weeks turn to months and years. I also volunteer for
the Bereaved Parent Support team at Care for the Family, another
UK charity. There, I offer support and friendship to the parents
who make contact who have lost loved ones through drugs. These
are just small things one by one, but they are added to many
other small acts being done in other places by other people I’ll
probably never meet. Together, we can begin to make a difference
and share our message that those who die from drugs are just
What?!
T
~ByTony Benjamin
Ohe
Ohe last place you want to be is in a room full of people,
where they divide you into the following groups: Only Child,
Long-Term Illness, Siblings, Overdose—and my personal
favorite—Sudden Death.
We had already gone around the wide circle of chairs, each
set of parents struggling to say their child’s name out loud,
as well as the date and cause of death. These included: two
brothers who drowned on a Caribbean vacation, an eight-yearold girl thrown from a car crashed by a drunk driver, a teenager
found hanging in a motel room, a fall from a hotel balcony,
an asthma attack, cancer, murder, assisted suicide . . . who can
listen to this stuff? The first time I heard this wrenching roll
call, I cried; not for our son, Kasriel, who died at the age of 25
from an apparent drug overdose, but for the stifling pain that
seemed to fill the air like a thick, suffocating fog. We were
newcomers, here just weeks after the horror of that guidedmissile phone call; others had been coming to this support
group for years, some for decades. I have heard this recitation
of names many more times since, but each meeting brings
several new ones to remind us that the hostilities continue.
They say there are five stages of grief: denial, anger,
bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think there is one
more. I call it What?! This is like denial, but many levels
higher, like the difference between first- and fourth-degree
burns. It’s where you begin to question the faulty cosmic
framework that suddenly screwed up and got it so wrong.
After all, a child’s death is something you read about in
the paper while eating your Cheerios. You say, How sad to
yourself, and move on to see how the Knicks are doing.
That’s why, for me, the What?! seems to overshadow
everything else. It’s obvious the family they meant to target
is living somewhere in Queens or the Bronx, eating Chinese
takeout and watching American Idol, totally oblivious to
the fact that they narrowly missed the ax. Of course, once
there’s a mistake like this, just like with City Hall, you
can’t get anyone to straighten it out. One thing you learn
over time is that while you may wish differently, death is
not even a teeny bit temporary. Another thing you learn is
a lot of stuff about your kid that you never knew. We had
no idea Kasriel had so many close friends or affected so
many people’s lives—or that so many people, besides us,
loved him. During the seven days of Shiva, our house was
so full of lively youngsters that if you didn’t know there
had been a death, you would have assumed it was a cool
party. Of course, Kasriel was smart, loving, generous, and
a wonderful human being just like every child, of any age,
who dies prematurely. One family we heard of was so tired
of idolizing their lost son to the point of sainthood, that they
agreed to have one evening where they talked about all the
things he did that drove them crazy.
A friend, shocked to hear about Kasriel’s death, suggested
that there should be a special word for the grief parents feel
when they lose a child. He was right. Only when you have
gone through such a personal tsunami can you understand
how new and unexpected the feeling is. For those in the group
who had lost their only child, the future seemed to grind
to a sudden halt, their genes crashing into an inconvenient
roadblock. I felt guilty that we had nine (yes, nine) more, as
if somehow, like a long-ago Costco purchase, having children
in bulk had finally paid off.
But anyone who has gone through this will tell you that
a child’s death—any child’s death—takes up a vast space in
both your mind and your heart, a space that stretches across
the whole, bleak horizon. The coordinates of this area may
become blurry over time, but the geography will always be
sharp, with seemingly impassable mountains and precipitous
valleys that at times seem impossible to clamber out of.
Yet while the pain for us is still raw, with good days and
bad, entry to this club does come with unexpected—I hate to
say it—benefits: a loss of naïveté, a deeper range of emotions,
a focus on things that might actually matter, zero tolerance
for petty squabbles, less fear of death, and a feeling that if
the worst thing that can happen to you has already happened,
well, it should be clear sailing from here on.
One thing I do know: our lives will never be the same.
Maybe with wear and tear, and the unpredictable erosion of
the years ahead, the What?! will be honed down to reveal
some magical, spiritual, inner truth. MeanwhiIe, what I miss
most is Kasriel’s huge bear hugs and the matching smile we
got each time he came to visit and, this may sound cheesy,
but the fact that though he was a grown man, with a job, an
apartment, and a well-developed, fatal drive to fill some vast
emotional hole, he still called me Daddy. v
Tony Benjamin, originally from Leeds, England, is President
and Creative Director of Oxygen, a marketing and advertising
agency, and Humble Films, a video and documentary production
company. He currently lives with his wife, Sarah, and four of
their 10 children, in Brooklyn, New York. Tony and Sarah have
participated in the New York Manhattan Chapter of TCF.
(Bereavement by Drugs, continued from previous page)
ordinary folk with their own stories, loved by
many, and those who are left behind need the
same understanding and compassion as any
other bereaved person. v
Philippa Skinner works as a counsellor, and
she and her husband, Graeme, have three
other adult children whom they are just as
proud of! Philippa’s book, See You Soon: A
Mother’s Story of Drugs, Grief and Hope,
is recommended by Compassionate Friends UK and
is available in the USA through Amazon, other outlets, and on
Kindle. For more information, go to www.seeyousoon.me.uk,
www.drugfam.org.uk, and www.careforthefamily.org.uk.
•
13
An Open Letter to
Grieving Friends
~By Wesley Merritt
Dear Friends,
You don’t know me personally, but I wanted to share
a few thoughts for your grief journey. While we are all in
different stages, I believe one thing for sure—the passage
of time, an open heart, hard work, and a choice to embrace
hope will allow you to survive the most difficult losses. If
circumstances are right, you might also find a way to become
more than you were before . . . more aware of human frailty,
more appreciative of small blessings, more able to love, and
more compassionate toward all things, including yourself.
Please trust me in saying that grace will return. I have been in
a similar place to where you are now.
As I contemplate this letter, I am at the foot of Bromley
Mountain in the Green Mountains of Vermont. I am sitting
in an old Adirondack chair next to a crackling wood fire. My
wife is next to me reading a book. My daughter Meghan, 16,
son Zach, 11, and daughter Hannah, 8, are skiing and just
waved to us with big smiles from the quad lift. The sun is
shining brightly, and it’s unseasonably warm today. Spring
is just around the corner. As I take all of this in, the moment
offers many blessings. I hear children laughing, and others
enjoying this great day. Classic rock music is playing in the
background. I see snowboarders in T-shirts. A young mother
on cross-country skis just crossed my view. She is pulling
an adorable two-year-old child in a wooden sled. This small
girl is all decked out in pink. Her feet are up, she is wearing
mirrored sunglasses, and her curly black hair peeks out from
below the hood. The sight of her reminds me of my own life
years ago. This moment offers a cozy, peaceful respite in the
midst of late winter. Spring is almost here. Life is good. I feel
blessed to be at one with this scene and the greater universe all
around me.
We weren’t always able to feel this joy—12 years ago my
15-month-old daughter, Sarah, died in a tragic accidental
window fall while we were vacationing at a New Jersey
beach. Sarah would be turning 14 this May, which is a fact
that never really drifts too far from our thoughts. If you are
anything like we were during that first year after Sarah’s
death, the lull periods after people had gone back to their
lives were the moments where we were hit square in the face
with the grief of our loss. Things were at their worst when
the funerals concluded, attention lessened, and the many
others who were so wonderful during the immediate window
after the tragedy began to move on . . . while we were firmly
cemented to the tragedy. For us, the hardest time came when
14
•
things slowed down, and we were left alone to answer the
existential question of “Now what?” That was the moment
our hard grief work began.
This question is what brings me to this letter. Events over
the last few months have seen children taken from us. Violent
acts like the Sandy Hook shooting and a local upstate New
York car accident that recently killed two high school seniors
are just two examples of events that have had great personal
effect. One occurred in the place I chose to settle to further
my own journey of healing (New York Capital district),
while the other occurred in the area I lived, loved, started
my family, and where my own grief journey began (western
Connecticut). The interesting point is that when I think about
this, we are all family regardless of where we live—while we
can’t all fully appreciate every nuance of one another’s pain,
we all share emotional proximity through grief, and that is
what bonds us together.
So, family . . . a few suggestions for those of you who are
battling the pain of recent loss:
• Try to believe that hope exists despite the pain and
confusion you may be experiencing now. You can choose to
grow and heal. You will get through this. Joy will return if
you let it.
• Try to focus on individual moments. Many of you likely
feel wounded right now. Survival of the bad moments comes
through the understanding that everything changes . . . moment
by moment. While you may hurt right now, try to hang on
with the understanding that something will come along soon
to buoy you up, and it will likely happen in the next moment.
You may be familiar with the term “one day at a time . .
.” For the grieving, shorten it. An hour, a minute, and if need
be, seconds are what you may require. Have hope that pain is
temporary and everything changes quickly.
• Try to stay open: When wounded, a natural reaction for
people is to close down and hide. Hiding helps us to ignore the
pain and stay away from perceived harm. It is also natural that
we deflect our pain by judging, blaming, or attaching the cause
of our immediate pain to others. When people don’t act the
way we think they should, or when someone says something
to us that appears insensitive, our inclination may be to judge
them. That action, however, works by closing our hearts so we
do not feel the full range of emotion, a state that can become
toxic over time. Openness, while not always easy, will help us
to accept things as they are . . . acceptance will offer new ways
to live, and ultimately show us the path to healing.
• Try to feel—grief is a process: While you are inside
your moments of pain and longing, cry. Let go. It’s all okay.
Tears are cleansing, and the quiet moments after crying open
doors to help us heal. At the same time, remember to hug
others. Find support in friends. If needed, enlist a professional
to listen without judgment. Walk in nature. Write in a
journal. Paint something. Draw. Give. Breathe. Listen. Feel.
Remember that amazing things happen when you sit and take
in what is around you. Personally, we focus on both wind and
the light as our source of eternal hope.
Getting Unstuck:
Finding Hope Through Grief
~ By Beth Marshall
Every day I drive by a quaint antique shop. It might be my
imagination, but it appears to be the same charming furniture
outside every single day. In the morning the antique treasures
are carefully placed in the front yard, and every evening they
are brought back inside. A few Coca-Cola chairs may have
been added since the turn of the century, but otherwise, it
seems the process is repeated every day.
(An Open Letter to Grieving Friends, continued from previous page)
In answer to the question, “What now?” I am sorry that
I do not have a definitive answer. That said, I believe the
ultimate answer lies within each of your hearts, within your
spirit, and with the love you hold for your missing loved
one. Remember, while the past will not change, every new
moment offers a new opportunity. The possibilities of your
choices are endless, and they offer an amazing way for you to
celebrate the lives of your lost love.
In closing, let me just say that all of what I’ve offered
above has been summed up through our own family mantra:
“Embrace life.” To us, this means that we live differently
now, but we also celebrate with a wisdom and clarity we did
not have before Sarah died. We’ve had more children; we’ve
moved to undertake new pursuits; we dedicated ourselves
to causes (organ donation and grief support). We’ve decided
to live in ways that embrace love and compassion, which
has been borne from an understanding that while suffering
The death of someone you care about deeply is one of
life’s most difficult challenges. It’s easy to fall into a rut of
doing the same things day after day, leaving you lonely and
feeling stuck in the sorrow. If you’re struggling to move
forward, would you consider trying something different to
help break through the intense sadness? Hopefully, one of
these ideas will help:
• Remember. Memories of your loved one’s life are
treasured gifts to keep close in your heart. Take some time
to record memorable stories and save photos in a notebook
or journal. Remembering happier times is a beautiful way to
honor the person you’re missing, and allow some light into a
painful season of life.
• Get Help. People who have been where you are now
can be a great source of hope and encouragement. It might
take a few visits to know if a support group is a good
fit for you, but don’t give up. A caring group or maybe
professional grief counseling will provide a safe place to
process traumatic loss.
• Find Hope. Regardless of your religious beliefs, deep
sorrow often draws us to seek spiritual help. In my darkest
season of loss, I realized I was drowning in the sadness.
When I finally called for help, a friend offered to pray
when I couldn’t find the words. Admitting your inability to
cope and allowing someone to be strong for you can be a
powerful turning point toward healing. Dr. Gloria Horsley,
executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, puts it
beautifully: “If you have lost hope, we invite you to lean on
ours until you find your own.” You don’t have to go through
grief alone. v
Beth Marshall is the author of A Time to Heal: A Grief Journal
and a guest writer for Open to Hope, http://www.opentohope.
com/ and The Grief Toolbox, http://thegrieftoolbox.com/.
To find more encouragement, please visit
http://atimetohealjournal.com/.
exists, joy is still possible. For all of this, we are able to live
an authentic life, a life that is better than we imagined it could
ever be after our loss. v
Peace and blessings,
Wes
Wesley Merritt is a husband, father, executive, writer, public
speaker, and soccer enthusiast. After the death of his daughter,
he underwent what he describes as a transformative grieving
process that helped his family to survive, normalize, and
transcend their situation. Since 2001, he has been an active
board member/volunteer/public speaker for causes including
bereavement and organ donation, and he is currently writing
a book about his experiences of hope and healing. He lives
in Upstate New York with his wife, three living children, and
with the spirit of his daughter Sarah, who offers a constant
source of blessing and inspiration. Wesley is affiliated with the
Danbury, Connecticut, and Albany, New York, chapters of The
Compassionate Friends.
•
15
With sincere gratitude and deep appreciation, we acknowledge the generosity of the following individuals and
organizations for their gifts to The Compassionate Friends. Your commitment and support are essential to fulfilling
our mission. The following patron donations were received between September 1, 2012, and January 31, 2013.
Simon Stephens Founder’s Circle
($10,000+)
Gloria and Phil Horsley
in memory of Scott Preston Horsley
The Presidents Circle
($5000–$9999)
Funeral Service Foundation
Pfizer, Inc.
Circle of Love ($2500–$4999)
Carol and Dale Dullabaun Sr.
in memory of Dale L. Dullabaun III
Erik Hoffmann and Nadezhda
Kavrus-Hoffmann
in memory of Anders Hoffmann and
Neil A. Hoffmann
Sue and Karl Snepp
in memory of Dave Snepp
The Grief Toolbox, Inc.
in memory of Noah Thomas Emory Lord
The Spohler Foundation
in memory of the children of Sandy Hook
Circle of Hope ($1000–$2499)
Marcia and Roger Alig
in memory of Daniel Pritchard C. Alig
Barbara and Tom Allen
in memory of Jessica Lynn and
James Lee Stallings
Joyce and Basil Andrews
in memory of Rhonda Andrews and
Jeanne Wright
Denny and Gary Berry
in memory of Benjamin Berry
Joan and Bill Campbell
in memory of Lesley Michelle Campbell
CapitalOne
Sherease Clark
Kathy and Chuck Collins
in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins
Kitty Edler
in memory of Mark and Rich Edler
Timothy Ertz
in memory of Nathan and Mitchell Ertz
Exel North America, Inc.
Mark Gedlinske
in memory of Justin Lee Clayton
Alfred Koplin
Sandra and Tom McKinney
in memory of Paul and Jason McKinney
Open To Hope
in memory of Scott Preston Horsley
Jamie L. Alexandra Pumpelly
in memory of Jamie Alexandra Grimsley
Debbie and Mark Rambis
in memory of Tony Rambis
Renee and Joe Rodio and Family
in memory of Brittany Rodio
Kay Sheldon
in memory of Barbara Sheldon
Karen Snepp
Nivia Vazquez
in memory of Jose “Yoito” Barreto Vazquez
Circle of Caring (500–$999)
Barb and Bob Adams
in memory of Robert Adams
Judy and Scott Barnes
in memory of Dave Barnes
Diane and Daniel Barry
in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins and
James Anderson
Anne and Robert Bourne Jr.
in memory of Robert I. Bourne III and
Jonathan Bourne
16
•
The Family of Bryan Brecheen
in memory of Bryan Brecheen
Georgia and Bruce Cockerham
in memory of Zachary Owen Ward
Lois and Jay Copeland
in memory of David Michael Copeland
Paige and Steven Czirr
in memory of Abby Czirr and
the children killed in Newtown, CT
Brian Charles Donohue
in memory of Jack Donohue
Carol and Arthur Ehde
in memory of Pamela Ranae Lais
Scott Frewing and Charlotte Drew
in memory of Ella Hoelscher
Ursula and Ron Hall
in memory of Lisa Marie Hall,
Onie Goebel, and Tiffany
Heidi Horsley
in memory of Scott Horsley
Jahanna Knight
in memory of the children of
Sandy Hook School
Tanya and Glen Lord
in memory of Noah Thomas Emory Lord
Ellen and Richard Mirabile
in memory of Richard Jr. and Lynn Mirabile
John Parachini and Hadley Boyd
in memory of Lyles V. Parachini
Helen Robinson
in memory of Dayton Robinson, Dayton III
“Sonny,” and John Hubert
Phyllis, Larry, and Greg Rosenthal
and Family
in memory of Scott Rosenthal
Mickey and Steven Schmeisser
in memory of Melissa L. and
Emily A. Schmeisser
Carol Silverman
in memory of Marc Sandy Goldsmith
Ellen and Thomas Steele
in memory of Christopher P. Steele
Pam Stephenson
in memory of T. Michael Stephenson
Patti and Bill Stuever
in memory of Clayton Marshall Stuever
GiGi and Ric Trentman
in memory of Cecilia Ann Trentman
Circle of Support ($200–$499)
Tessie G. Acosta-Williams
Faith Adams
Sharon and Scott Anderson
in memory of Ashton Faye Anderson
Renee and Earl Bailey
in memory of Melissa Renee Bailey Wolfram
Toni and James Ballard
in memory of Nicholas David Ballard
Sherrie and George Barfield
in memory of Brad Barfield
Angie, Joe, and Paige Barton
in memory of Denver Parvin
Marion and Manfred Bass
in memory of Glenn M. Bass
Helen and Presley Belcher
in memory of Cally Belcher
Libby and Danny Berry
in memory of Christopher Shawn Berry,
Luke Shaun Hilton, Todd Tyler Christmas,
and Troy Harris
Heidi and Mike Brandon
in memory of Dave Snepp, and in honor of
Sue, Karl, and Karen Snepp
Anita Broaddus
in memory of Amanda Brooke Little
Shane Canterbury
in memory of Andrew Canterbury
Carolyn and Scott Carlson
in memory of Kin Josiah Carlson
Susan and Gary Chan
in memory of Rachael Reneé Chan
Jonah Charney-Sirott and Leah Warner
in memory of Michele Bash
Cord Blood Registry
in memory of Sophia Berdebes,
Edward Cronin, Kavin Govindarajan, and
Isabella Soleimanian
Carol and Scott Davis
in memory of Keith Davis
Kent Davis
Linda Decock
Mr. and Mrs. Mark DeVoe
in memory of Brian Alexander DeVoe
Cis and Jes Dickson
in memory of Chase Dickson
F. Rodney Drake, M.D.
in memory of James F. Drake
Dottie and Jim Edler
in memory of Mrs. Doris Kushner
H. R. H. Fleur
In memory of Errol Lewis Hughes
Helen Ford
in memory of Thomas Stewart Ford
Carolyn Friedlander-Haas
in memory of Robin Carol Friedlander and
Robert Christopher Friedlander
Peter Gasiewski
in memory of Bert Adam Gasiewski
Holly and Kenneth Gawley
in memory of Blake Andrew Gawley
Maureen and Kenneth Gorman
Maria Grau
in memory of Evan Grau
Carole and James Grissom
in memory of Kate Grissom
Adele Grubbs
in memory of Alexis Grubbs
Marie and Rod Harley
Norma and Greg Henderson
in memory of Greg and Robyn Henderson,
and in honor of Jim Rowland
Lorraine M. Herson-Jones
John C. Heveran
Robin Jens
in memory of Ty Jens
B. J. and Doug Jensen
in memory of John Jay Morgan
Barbara and Mickey Johnson
in memory of Sandy Johnson
Peggi and Jeff Johnson
in memory of Jordan McLeod Johnson
Joseph’s Destiny Foundation
in memory of Joseph Matranga and
in honor of Joseph Tobin
Debbie and Gene Kirby
in memory of Casey E. Kirby
Ellen and Tom Komadina
in memory of Ann Michelle Komadina
Shawn Lacich
Theresa and David Langer
in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Langer
Marie and Phil Levine
in memory of Peter Adam Levine
Lillian Broox Manis Foundation
in memory of Lillian Broox Manis
Diane and Keith Loder
in memory of Stephanie and Stephen Loder
Pat and Wayne Loder
Virginia Maguire
in memory of Kelly Lynch
Donna and Ben Manderachi
in memory of James Manderachi
David Martin
Maryland Charity Campaign
Pete Mather
in memory of ENS Beth Anne Mather, USN
Julie Mathy
in memory of Kevin and Brian Zivilik
Miriam and Kenneth McLellan
in memory of Donald and Marilyn McLellan
Barbara Meislin
in memory of Ann Ladd, and in honor of
Catherine Patillo and Pat Loder
Kathy and Steve Miller
in memory of Samuel Miller
Polly and Mac Moore
in memory of Lauren Paige Moore,
James Leon Thronton, Barbara Martin
Boatright, and Norma Martin Jones
Mt. Si High School Football Booster Club
in memory of Calder Carlson and
in honor of Curt Carlson
Sharon K. Muncy
Janet Neal
in memory of Joshua Brendan Neal
Alice-Lynn and Richard Newman
in memory of Arielle Lynn Newman
Nuclear Electric Insurance Limited
in honor of Thorpe Smith
Janet and Pat O’Donnell
in memory of Brian Patrick O’Donnell
Mary Jo Peterson
in memory of Elsey Kirabo
Pfizer Foundation
Phojoe
Carmen and Jeff Pope
in memory of Thomas Hart and
Christopher John Pope
Wanda and Robert Praisner
in memory of Stephen J. Praisner
Rose M. Rabin
in memory of Natalie Rabin
Pernell Ricks
Cheryl and Arthur Robison
in memory of Ryan Robison
Linda Roden
in memory of Tony Newell
Maria I. Rodriguez
Beth Roth, MSN
in memory of Leonor Fay Marie Roth
Valerie and David Ruddle
in memory of Joseph Ruddle
Brian Sanoshy
in memory of Allison Sanoshy
Jennifer P. Schneider
in memory of Jessica Grace Wing
Anthony Sciotti
in memory of Christopher Anthony Sciotti
(Continued on page 18)
TCF FOUNDATION
DONORS, 2012
The Ferrara Family
William Meakem
in memory of Kevin and Roger Heaney
Paula Rosina Santoro Foundation
in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro
v
FRIENDS,
CARING AND SHARING
2013 National Conference—Boston, Massachusetts
A fabulous event is promised during this year’s fourth of July weekend when
The Compassionate Friends converges on the great city of Boston for its 36th
National Conference. Great speakers and entertainers will be combined with a
myriad of talented workshop presenters. The conference will run from Friday,
July 5, to Sunday, July 7, and will also offer preconference events. On Thursday,
July 4, a Chapter Leadership Training Program will take place, along with a
Spanish Language Workshop and Sharing Session. In the early evening several
meet-and-greet opportunities will be available.
Board of Directors Election Slate
The TCF Board of Directors has approved the following slate of candidates for
the 2013 Board of Directors election:
Steve Czirr
Dale Dullabaun
Brian Janes
Spring Hill, Tennessee
Los Angeles, California
Olathe, Kansas
Ann Khadalia
Steve Schmeisser
Nivia Vázquez
Concord, California
DePerre, Wisconsin
Guaynabo, Puerto Rico
From the above slate three people will be elected. Candidates were selected
based on their TCF activities and involvement; distance from their immediate
grief; time and energy to work with the board and public in the implementation of
the goals of the organization; skills in the areas of particular interest to the board’s
future development; and geographic location. Chapter delegates will receive
ballots in March.
Webinars
The National Office continues to host monthly webinars for the public. Many in
leadership are viewing these webinars to learn about different grief reactions and
thus learn more about what their chapter members are dealing with on their grief
journey. I also understand that some chapters are viewing the webinars at chapter
meetings and using snippets from the webinars to discuss as meeting topics. We
certainly hope you are finding these useful. Upcoming webinars include:
February 21, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Children’s Grief in Today’s World:
This webinar will provide caregivers a look into the world of grief occupied by
young children. The focus will be on elementary-age children, the many ways they
experience their grief, and how to provide the care and support needed, not just in the
moment but in the years to come. Presenter: Hazel Woodward
March 21, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Death from Substance-Related Causes:
Moving addiction from a moral model of ignorance and persecution to a disease
model of compassion and science, the death of our children need not be swept under
the rug of judgment and ignorance. Addiction takes our children in many different
ways—illness, accident, overdose, suicide. Bringing the disease of addiction into the
light of hope and healing, we are safe to open more deeply to the broader truths of
losing a child to addiction. Presenter: Barbara Allen
For more information on these webinars, or to register, visit The Compassionate
Friends website, www.compassionatefriends.org, and click on “Webinars.”
In addition to the public webinars being offered, we will be presenting some
wonderful leadership webinars to aid you in running a successful chapter. Upcoming
leadership webinars include:
February 19, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Managing Challenging Behaviors
in Chapter Meetings: In this webinar we will discuss the challenging behaviors
that occur in groups and learn from practical experience how to deal with those
behaviors. Presenter: Wendy Resnick
March 12, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM
EST—Copyright Laws You Should
Know Before You Tackle the Chapter
Newsletter or Website: If you have ever
wondered if you should or shouldn’t
place an article, picture, poem, or story
in your chapter newsletter or on your
chapter website, you don’t want to miss
this webinar! Presenter: David Bea,
TCF Attorney
For more information or to register
for the webinars being conducted
especially for chapter leadership,
visit The Compassionate Friends
leadership website.
Chapter Leadership
Training Program
We understand that to be a strong and
vital organization we need to do a more
effective job in making quality training
more easily accessible and affordable to
you. That is why, beginning in March,
we will be offering regional Chapter
Leadership Training Programs (CLTPs).
With a new regional CLTP concept
we will bring leadership training to
your area instead of having you travel
to a training program in a large city.
Regional programs will be intensive
one-day-only Saturday courses,
providing you important training to help
improve your chapter and get you back
to your very important and busy lives in
a timely manner.
In addition to the regional CLTPs
being offered, we will once again have
a one-day Chapter Leadership Training
Program in conjunction with the 2013
National Conference. A registration
brochure for the conference CLTP is
contained in this mailing. The conference
training will be conducted by staff.
**Important Reminder**
Chapter Year-End Reports for
the 2012 calendar year need to be
completed and returned to the National
Office along with the chapter’s annual
membership fee by March 1, 2013. If
you need assistance in filling out
the form please call your regional
coordinator or Sara Zeigler or Terry
Novy at the National Office.
•
17
(Patrons, continued from page 16)
Sandy and Peter Sears
in memory of Amy Marie Sears
Georgia and Hank Sheer
in memory of Erin Sheer
Marian and Blaine Shull
Sue and Philip Simonson
in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson
Christine and Stephen Spiro
in memory of Logan Gentry
Susan and John Stanfield
in memory of Kelly and Erin Stanfield
Studio Gaia Community
in memory of the children and teachers of
Newtown, CT, and in honor of Jeanne Carter
Louann, Scott, Tyler, and Joe Tedrick
in memory of Bobby Brayer
Irene and Robert Thornton
in memory of Patrick Shinoda Thornton
Linea and David Toepel
in memory of Kevin Mackey
Melani Travioli
Jo Ann Turner
in memory of Deanie Turner IV and
Gable R. Connors
Julie and Don Uhles
in memory of Adam Wade Uhles, and in
honor of Melissa Uhles
Robert Vaught
Daniel Weese
Willie D. Wickman
in memory of Geoffrey Deemer Wickman
and Chris Sanseverino
Joanne and Bruce Wilhelm
Shirley A. Williams
Kathleen Willoughby and Babs Deacon
in memory of Coty Micklo
Janet Winn and Joseph Seiter
in memory of Jenna Winn, and in honor of
your family members who have passed
Loretta and Jerry Winters
in memory of Don Bruce Winters
Carol and Carl Wojciechowski
in memory of Adam Wojciechowski
Merle and Donald Young
in memory of Sean Young
Linda and Doug Zick
in memory of Ellen Anne Zick
Amy Ziegelbaum
in memory of Ben Ziegelbaum
Circle of Friends ($50–$199)
A Little Lifetime Foundation
in honor of remembering the short lives of
all our beautiful children in Ireland
Nita and Paul Aasen
in memory of Erik and David Aasen
Lynne and Les Abcug
in memory of Jeremy Marc Abcug
Laila Abdelraouf
Cindy Abernethy
in memory of Catherine Ann and
Leah Marie Abernethy
Linda Acuff
in memory of Kathi Kieffer Davis
Sally and William Adams
in memory of Susan G. Whitaker
Sherri L. Adams
in memory of Paul E. Adams
Charlotte Addington
in memory of Mary Shawn Addington
Sharon Ahnert
in memory of John F. Ahnert
Albany County Bereaved Parents
Support Group
in memory of Canjon James Aumiller,
Beverly Rene Walker, and
Lucas John McKinley
Glenn Albaum
in memory of James Vandewater III
Rebecca L. Albrecht
Tanya Fuller Alexander
in memory of Dustin James Alexander
18
•
Henry Allen
in memory of P. J. Allen
Lois Alperstein
in memory of Ethan Ross Alperstein
Christy Alred
in memory of Christopher Sean Alred
Pam and Bob Altman
Marilyn and Chester Amedia Jr.
in memory of Christian Avery Amedia
Mr. and Mrs. Darryl Anderson
in memory of Randy Asprey and
Nathan Anderson
June Anderson
in memory of Thomas A. Anderson
Mary and Eric Anderson
in memory of Christian P. Anderson
Maureen and Roger Anderson
Sheree Anderson
in memory of B. J. Caldwell
Cathy and Ron Andes
Kris Andrews Molde
in memory of Kelly Andrews
Linda Angelo
in memory of Melanie Gehm
Sandra Antrim
in memory of Jimmy Andrew Antrim
Nancy Anwyll
in memory of Deborah Louise Anwyll
Marge and Steve Anzalone
in memory of Jennifer Anzalone
Anna Apanel
in memory of Teresa Alyss Johnson
Debbie, Jeff, Katie, and Matt Appell
in memory of Dale Dullabaun III
Stacy and Jim Arellano
in memory of Brian Scott Arellano
Jeffrey Armstrong
Gloria Arney
in memory of Dallas Arney
Karen and Dale Arnott
in memory of Laura Kay Arnott
Nicoletta Ascari and David Tory
in memory of Max and Nicholas Tory
Rita Ashton
in memory of Rachel, Emily and Katie
Judy Assalone
in memory of Vincent D. Assalone
Ann and Jim Atkinson
in memory of Steve Fullen
Judy and John Austin
in memory of Summer Rae Austin
Judy Avrin
in memory of Melissa Rose Avrin
Cathy and Carl Baab
in memory of Colden
Jerald L. Babel
Carole Babush
in memory of Susan Lynn Babush
Virginia Badillo
in memory of Henry Anthony Badillo
Marjorie and Harry Baertschi
in memory of David Harry Baertschi
Claudia Baggerly
in memory of Jess A. Baggerly
Carole and Henry Bailey
in memory of Matthew John Bailey
Carole Baird
in memory of Justin Baird
Ellen Baker
in memory of Joseph Hunter Green
Sandra and Gary Balbach
Allison Ball and Laura Lippincott
in memory of Ashley Michelle
Lippincott-Griffith and Dean Lippincott
Sue and Bob Ballenger
in memory of Ben
Pat and Rob Bambino
Kim and Derrick Bandelier
in memory of Benson Walker
Marlene and Ken Banwart
in memory of Rick Banwart
Sharon R. Barger
in memory of Brad Meisenbach
Judy and Dave Barkdoll
in memory of Dana Barkdoll
Brenda E. Barnes
in memory of Jon R. Barnes-Klarner
Diane Barnsley
in memory of Edward Barnsley
Bonnie and William Baron
in memory of Thomas Ward Baron
Dennis Barrett
in memory of Paul Anthony Barrett
Charlene and Stephen Barron
in memory of Adam Barron
Gail Bartley
in memory of John David Stacy
Kathryn Bartus
Sonya Batten
in memory of Aaron S. Lopp
Mimi and Merle Bauer
in memory of Heidi Bauer
Rochelle Bauer
Sharon Baughman
in memory of Rachel Baughman
Sandy Baumann
in memory of Colette Baumann
Gloria Debra Beal
in memory of Ian Michael Beal
Sheila Beall
in memory of Stevie C. Beall
Robbin Beasley
in memory of Sean Thomas Cannon
Judy and Claude Beaudet
in memory of Ryan A. Beaudet
Cindy Becken
in memory of Dan Becken
Jean Becker
in memory of Bruce D. Becker
Mary and Doug Bedore
in memory of Joel Bedore
Aaron Beiler
in memory of Mervin Jay Beiler
Renee Beisswanger and Phillip Rouse
in memory of all those who lost their lives in
the tragedy in Connecticut on Dec. 14, 2012
Virginia Beitzel
Jacki Belanger
in memory of Danielle A. Belanger
Marilyn and Jim Belanic
in memory of Katie Belanic
Debbie and Patrick Bell
in memory of Andy Bell
Karla and John Bell
in memory of David Andrew and
Thomas Andrew Bell
Nancy Bell
in memory of Matthew Bell
Benco Dental Supply
Kathy and Daniel Benkert
in memory of Elizabeth and Michael Benkert
Faye and Randy Bennett
in memory of Kimberly Bennett
Andrea and Dennis Benson
in memory of Shane Lewis
Jan and Don Berry
in memory of CT State Trooper Rober Berry
and Roxanne Berry
Joyce Berry
in memory of Scott Eric Miller
Patricia and Bruce Bertrand
in memory of Erica Renee Bertrand and
LCPL Bryan Pahl Bertrand USMC
Renee and Roy Betker
Holly and Steve Beumée
in memory of David Tate Beumée
Kay and Rodney Bevington
in memory of Rhonda Kay Bevington
Rashmi Bhatnagar
in memory of Tushar Bhatnagar
Judith Billings Wriston
in memory of Rodney Robinson Billings
Rose Mary and Ralph Billiter
in memory of Carrie Lynn Billiter
Joan Binkow
Charlotte Bishop
in memory of Benjamin Bishop
Mary Lou Bishop
in memory of Tim Bishop
Deborah and George Bjurstrom
in memory of Benjamin Bjurstrom
Lind and Roy Black
in memory of Christopher Black
Georgia and Terry Blazevic
in memory of Bryce Blazevic
Theresa Bleemke
in memory of Paul Shane Brough
Joan and Fred Bliss
Dr. Patricia A. Block
Mary and Richard Bodnar
in memory of Micheal Lee Gagnon
Suzanne Boehm
Paula and Leo Boghosian
in memory of Jason R. Boghosian
Mary Ann Boling
in memory of Steven Matthew Boling
Martha and Dennis Bombardier
Libby and Jim Bonafino
in memory of A.J.
Jean Boone
in memory of Naomi Boone
Kanisha Borden
Jerre Denning Boren
in memory of Carol Boren Owens and
David Boren
Melissa Bornstein
in memory of Timothy Richard Herman
Jan and Jim Bothun
in memory of Amber Dee and
Megan Maree Bothun
David Boudreau
in memory of Matthew David Boudreau
Delores Boughton
in memory of Katherine and
Mary Kay Boughton
Marty and Mike Bourland
in memory of Steven Michael Bourland
Mary Bradley
Mary Jo and Keith Bradley
in memory of Margaret Louise Bradley
Ronald Bragg
in memory of Jonathan Bragg
Jessica Braithwait, Katie Silva, and
Sarah and Rachael Rufenacht
in memory of Whitley Ann Peterson
Anna R. Brandon
Mickey and Rusty Branum
in memory of Brian Brenckman
Norma and Carl Braun
in memory of Aimee Chii Hung Braun
Sheila and Leon Braunagel
Mary Bredemeier
in memory of Henry Warren Bredemeier
Bette and Jack Brennan
in memory of Michael Thomas Brennan
Marjorie Yslita Brewer
in memory of Douglas and Susan Brewer
Mary and Jerry Brickner
in memory of Matthew J. Brickner
Cindy and Lou Bridgewater
Dorothy and James Briggs
in memory of Marcia Ann Briggs
Jennifer and Tom Briggs
in memory of Sgt. Casey T. Briggs
Leah Bronner
in memory of Sigrid Anna Bronner
Sharon and Jim Bronsberg
in memory of Brian Joseph
Sandra and Thomas Brooker
in memory of Daniel Steven Brooker
Joy and Chuck Brown
in memory of Christopher Brown
Karen Brown
in memory of David A. Allbery
BOOK REVIEW
•
BOOK REVIEW
A Parent’s Guide
to Raising Grieving
Children:
Rebuilding Your
Family After
the Death of a
Loved One
~By Dr. Phyllis Silverman
and Madelyn Kelly
~Reviewed by Dr. Heidi Horsley
Are you raising grieving children?
Do you wonder if they’ll be okay?
If so, you are not alone! One of the
biggest questions my parents had
after my brother died was how to help
their three surviving daughters cope
after the loss of their only brother. I
wish that this groundbreaking book,
A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving
Children, had been available to my
parents at that time. Filled with
invaluable information, this book is a
must-have for anyone who wants to
help their children not only survive,
but thrive after loss.
Grieving Children offers valuable
information about how your child’s
age impacts their ability to understand
death, where to get help for your
children, and how to handle your
teenager’s emotions. Filled with
personal anecdotes and compelling
stories, children share their darkest
memories, their saddest thoughts, and
their emerging hopes.
The book is written by two experts
all too familiar with the world of grief
and loss. Madelyn Kelly’s life took a
tragic turn after her husband, Michael,
a journalist, was killed in the Iraq War.
Concerned for her two young sons,
Madelyn went looking for ways to
help them and came across Phyllis’s
research. Eventually, the two met and
the idea for this book was formed.
Dr. Phyllis Silverman is also no
stranger to grief and loss, she has been
working with thousands of grieving
parents and children for decades.
Her understanding concerning the
impact of grief on children comes
from her many years of research, as
the project director of the Harvard
Child Bereavement Study. From start
to finish, this book is all about helping
parents raise grieving children.
As the executive director for
the Open to Hope Foundation and
co-host of the Open to Hope radio
program, I highly recommend this
book. Dr. Phyllis Silverman is one
of the most respected leaders in the
field of grief and loss today. She is
not only academically gifted, but she
cares deeply about grieving parents
and their children and has devoted
her life to helping people find hope
after loss. Madelyn Kelly is a gifted
writer and is the best breed of expert.
•
BOOK REVIEW
She has walked this journey with her
own grieving children and made it, and
she knows you can, too. It is an honor
to recommend this book not only to
bereaved parents and children, but to
professionals and students who are
working with grieving children. After
reading A Parent’s Guide to Raising
Grieving Children, you will feel better
equipped to help your children honor,
remember, and incorporate their
deceased family member into their
lives in new ways.
The authors of this groundbreaking
book are both outstanding in their
own right. Dr. Phyllis Silverman has
received many awards for her work
and is recognized internationally as a
leader in the field of bereavement. She
is the co-principal investigator of the
pioneering Harvard Child Bereavement
Study, and her books include Widow to
Widow: How the Bereaved Help Each
Other and Never Too Young to Know:
Death in Children’s Lives.
Madelyn Kelly is a writer and
television news producer, and the
mother of two sons. Her husband,
the writer/columnist/editor Michael
Kelly, was the first American journalist
to be killed in the Iraq War, in 2003.
She edited a compilation of his work,
Things Worth Fighting For: Collected
Writings. v
Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, LMSW, MS, is a
bereaved sibling, as well as a psychologist.
She is the executive director for the
Open to Hope Foundation and cohost
of the Open to Hope radio program.
She serves on the national board of
The Compassionate Friends, and is
an adjunct professor at Columbia
University.
This book is published by the Centering
Corporation, and can be ordered through
their website at www.centering.org, or by
calling 866-218-0101. Free shipping is
offered to TCF chapters and members.
•
19
Maggi Brown and Rick Martinec
in memory of Bobby Alexander
Theresa Brown
in memory of Michael “Mickey” Lynn
Cynthia Brown-Coyle
in memory of Michael James Brown
Inara Brubaker
in memory of Erika Jane and
Andra Elaine Brubaker
Leah Brumer
Paul Brustowicz
in memory of Brian Brustowicz
Brenda Bryan
in memory of Rodney Mor Gara
Judy and John Bryant
in memory of Cory Bryant
Mary Bucek
Maureen and Paul Budinger
in memory of Scot R. Schulz
Faye and Jim Bundy
in memory of David J. Bundy
Juanita Bundy
in memory of Joseph C. “Joey” Bundy
Sharon and Dan Bunkelman
in memory of Jacob “Jake” Bunkelman
Harriet Burak
in memory of Michael Jonathan Burak
Caroline Burns
Eleanor P. Burns
in memory of Mark T. Burns
Charlotte and James Burns
in memory of Edward James Burns
Shirley and Jim Burnside
in memory of Kirk Burnside
Kim and John Burril
in memory of Jamie Wayne Darrow
Patricia D. Burrow
in memory of Allen Lee Croix
Daniel Busch
in memory of Joshua S. Busch
Janine Busch Woytowicz
in memory of Benjamin Mathew Busch
Stephanie Butka
in memory of Michael Donnelly Butka
Jennifer Lease Butts
Carrie and Chris Byrd
in memory of Shawne Phillips
Lisa Cabe
in memory of Alex Cabe
Martha Caesar
in memory of Dan Caesar
Doris Cafferata
in memory of Michael Cafferata
Sally and Rick Calabrese
in memory of Kelly Ann Calabrese
Kathie and Gary Calandra
in memory of J. D. “John David” Calandra
John Califano
Carol and Ed Callahan
in memory of Megan Ashley Doyle
Anne Calvey
in memory of Annie Lois Kortsch
Sherry Cameron
in memory of Andy Cameron
Ann Campbell
Janet and Julian Cannon
in memory of Julie Evanne Cannon
Barbara and Cal Carithers
Diane Carlin
in memory of Joan Tamburro
Marie and Mark Carlsen
in memory of Mark Clarence Anders
Akira Carlsen
Barbara Carlton, LCSW, CEAP
in memory of Leigh Carlton
Lou Carosa
Marlene and Frank Carson
in memory of Glen Carson
Carrie and Rich Caruso
in memory of Tony Cabrera
Fran Casabona
in memory of Patrick Casabona Jr.
20
•
Suzanne and Henry Cassel
in memory of Gregory Edward Cassel
Sally Cassidy
in memory of Daniel Cassidy
Janet Celly
in memory of Eric Johnson
Lynn Chadwick
Rekha Chandra
in memory of Nayan Chandra
Michelle Chapin and Family
in memory of Braden Schoelen
Janet Chapman
in memory of Jesse Greenberg
Anna and Renauld Cherven
in memory of Philip Michael Cherven
Debra L. Chesney
in memory of Travis William Zelm
Barbara Chiulli
in memory of Philip Panetta
Bernie, Tom and Kyle Chrismer
in memory of Carolyn Marie Chrismer
Larry Christensen
in memory of Andy Christensen
Kathryn Christenson
in memory of Rolf S. Christenson
Chaela Christianson
in memory of Damon Vincent Christianson
Dean Christman
in memory of Nathan M. Christman
Barbara Christoff
in memory of Brian Michael Christoff
Caroline Christopherson
Jane and Irwin Chu
in memory of David Chu
Patricia Church
in memory of Chase Daniel Church, USN
Carol Cibulskis
Patricia A. Cinquegrana
in memory of John David Bartholomew
Cinquegrana
Joann M. Clair
Jeannie and Tersh Clark
in memory of Scott Clark
Rebecca L. Clark
in memory of Justin Clark and
Amanda Kwick
Maureen and Dan Clarkin
in memory of Kevin Clarkin
Class of 2000: Marci, Molly, Jody, Maggi,
Carla, Liz, and Alyssa
in memory of Victoria M. McGraw
Joni Claymon
in memory of Andrew Claymon
Lynn and Jerry Clayton
in memory of Justin Lee Clayton
Jane and Patrick Cleary
Deb and Bruce Clements
in memory of Darcie Saint Clements
Sandy Coady
in memory of David Joseph Coady
Chris and Andy Cocozzella
in memory of Marc Anthony Cocozella and
Casey Schulman
Mr. and Mrs. Ernest B. Coggins Jr.
in memory of Elizabeth Rose Coggins
John Coggins Jr.
in memory of John Coggins III
Laurie K. Coghlan
Ronald Cohen
in memory of Jesse Ray Cohen
Dolores Cohill
in memory of William “Billy” Cohill Jr.
Sharon and Butch Colbert
in memory of Lionel and Anna Colbert
Betty Cole
in memory of Joe LaPrade
Carol Gray Cole
in memory of Adam Scott Cole
Pam and Don Cole
in memory of Peter Daniel Cole, and
in honor of all those affected by the
Newtown tragedy
Roxann and Rick Coleman
in memory of Bob Coleman, Rusty Coleman,
and Shawn Hampton
Diane and Robert Collicott
in memory of Mandee Collicott
Gordon R. Collins
in memory of Cynthia Lee Kessler and
Mildred Cohen
Linda Colville
in memory of Ronald W. Necco Sr. and
Brandon M. Necco
Mary Comly
Linda and Mike Commuso
in memory of Zachary Commuso
Joy and Charles Compton
in memory of Todd Charles Compton
Susan Conley
in memory of Brian W. Conley
Donna and Marvin Conover
in memory of Micha Lee Conover
Sharon and James Cook
in memory of James Boyd Cook Jr.
Kay and Fred Cooke
in memory of Morgan Elizabeth Cooke
Francine Cooper
in memory of Josh Robertson and in honor
of Patrick Michael Cooper
Joanne and Bill Cooper
in memory of Bennett and Kathryn Cooper
Kenneth Cooper
in memory of Sarah Jean Cooper
Laurie Cooper and Howard Fankhauser
in memory of Colin Fankhauser
Eleanor Cordeiro
in memory of Jared R. Cordeiro
Chrys Cosbey
Robin Costa
in memory of Noah Samuel Grindstaff Costa
Marco Costales
in memory of Kevin Daniel Costales
Susi Costello
in memory of Tigerlily
Maria Cota
Patricia and Michael Cotton
in memory of Heather Marie Cotton
Ginny and Tom Coursey
in memory of Daniel Patrick Coursey
Carol Cowherd
in memory of Kenneth Alan Witt and
Mich McClellion
Cheryl and John Cox
in memory of Anthony Joslah “A. J.” Tally
Martha and Paul Cox
in memory of Lorelei Marenghi
Sharon and George Craig
in memory of Isaac Burle Craig
Cindy Cranfield
in memory of Jared Redden
Melissa and Douglas Crennan
in memory of Violet Heinze
Lisa Crossan
in memory of Chad Michael Crossan
Lesly Crowder
in memory of Ryan Crowder
Kathy and Tom Crowley
in memory of Timmy Crowley
Camille Cullen
in memory of Darlene Louise Haymond
Andi Culotta
in memory of Sophia
Camille M. Cunningham
in memory of Patrick Farrell
Marion N. Curka
in memory of Paul Curka
Lois and Chris Curran
Pamela Cusick
in memory of Jason Adelsberg
Cynthia Cutcliff
in memory of Jonathan Cutcliff
CyperGrants, Inc.
Rebecca Cyrier
in memory of Elizabeth A. Cyrier
Jeanne Czel
in memory of Erik Czel
Mary Ann and Dick Dalling
in memory of Thomas Dalling
Vincent J. D’Andrea
in memory of Vincent “J. D”Andrea Jr.
Sharon Danenberg
in memory of Eric Danenberg
Ro and Anthony D’Angelo
in memory of Anthony D’Angelo
Sandi Darling
in memory of Lisa Diane Darling
Reed Darsey
Tammy Daughenbaugh
in memory of Jenna Daughenbaugh
Leslie Barry Davidson
in memory of Patrick Ross Davidson Jr.
Ms. D. Stone Davis
in memory of Amy Malone Davis
Marilyn and John Davis
in memory of Stacy J. Davis
Angela Dazzo
in memory of Stephanie Dazzo Paterek
Catherine DeAngelis
in memory of Thomas Patrick Gilbane,
Gabriel Adam Lynch, and
Shannon Marie Gilbane
Deborah and Gary Dearman
in memory of Donovan Ray Dearman
Jayne Debenedictis
in memory of Bill Higgins
Theresa and Victor Del Regno
in memory of Andrew C. Del Regno
Hermine W. Delany
in memory of Brendan Delany Vassallo
Rebecca and Michael Delcambre
in memory of Mandy Jo Delcambre
Robin and Bart Dellarmi
in memory of Jed Christian Dellarmi
Kathy and Larry DeMarco
in memory of Karen Michelle DeMarco
Denise and Mike DeMoss
in memory of Dustin DeMoss
Margie and Robert Denlinger Sr.
in memory of Robert E. (Rob) Denlinger Jr.
Debra Dermack
in memory of Melissa Ditta
Shelley and Jerry Deromedi
in memory of Jennifer Deromedi
Lynn and Charles Derrick
in memory of Michael Derrick
Joseph DeSantis
in memory of Joseph P. DeSantis Jr. and
Donnamarie DeSantis
Akiko and Richard Deutsch
Deutsche Bank Americas Foundation
Judy Anne Dever
in memory of Joshua Dever
Sandra and Jon Devermann
in memory of Matthew Ashcraft
Jill and Ed DeYoung
in memory of Stephen Ronald Fava
Sherri Deyoung
in memory of Joseph DeYoung
Lynn and Ron Dickerson
in memory of Ryan Hunter Dickerson
Mary and Wayne Dietrich
in memory of Ashley Elizabeth Dietrich
Emily Dietz
in memory of Andy Dalton
Carol DiFelice
in memory of Rhiannon Lee McCuish
Timothy Dillon
in memory of Ian Christopher Dillon
Pat and Jim Dinsmore
in memory of Mark William Dinsmore
Ethel DiPaolo
Brigid and Jeff DiPaolo
in memory of Clairee Beth DiPaolo
Ann Dix
in memory of Philip Dix
Barbara and Chuck Dixon
in memory of Christopher L. Dixon
(Friends, Caring & Sharing, continued from page 17)
Chapter E-mail Addresses
In reviewing the Year-End Reports that have been
returned, we have noticed a lot of chapter leaders are using
their personal e-mail addresses for chapter business or there
is no e-mail address listed. The e-mail address for the chapter
is posted on the national website as a chapter contact point.
We suggest that each chapter establish a free gmail or yahoo
e-mail address, for example: [email protected].
This will eliminate the necessity of personal e-mail addresses
being posted to the website, allow all steering committee
members to have access to the box so timely responses can
be given, and the e-mail address can remain with the chapter
even if the chapter leadership changes.
In addition, we do like to send out important notices to our
chapter leaders via e-mail but we find that approximately a
quarter of our chapters have not supplied us with an e-mail
address and we have a large bounce rate when we e-mail something to our chapters. Please, please, please keep us advised
of your current chapter e-mail address! We would like to be
able to provide electronic balloting for our chapters during the
Board of Directors election, but we need valid e-mail addresses.
Setting one up for the chapter as indicated above means that
e-mail address could service the chapter for years to come.
Awards Committee Notice
It is time to nominate those whom you’d like to see receive
a 2013 leadership award. For the first time, those in chapter
leadership (serving on a chapter steering committee) will
be able to nominate a person they’d like to see receive the
Chapter Leadership Award.
In addition to the Chapter Leadership Award, given to a
member who has made outstanding contributions to furthering
TCF’s mission, you may nominate someone for the Recognition
Award, given to a bereaved parent, grandparent, or sibling
who has contributed outstanding service to TCF at a national
level over a period of years; the Simon Stephens Award, given
to someone who has made significant contributions that have
fostered and furthered the philosophy of TCF by practicing or
promoting its mission and goals; and the Professional Service
Award, given to a professional psychologist, counselor, or other
practicing professional who has contributed greatly in the areas
of supporting, assisting, or educating others in accordance with
the mission and goals of TCF.
If you know of someone you’d like to nominate for any
of the above awards, please submit their name, contact
information, and, if a chapter leader, the name of the chapter
they oversee, along with a written description detailing
why they deserve to receive the award. Please send all
submissions to this year’s Award Nominations Chairperson,
TCF Board member Georgia Cockerham, at 1365 Chetco
Avenue, Brookings, OR 97415. All submissions must be
postmarked by March 1, 2013. Please e-mail Georgia at
[email protected] if you have any questions.
TCF Website
We continue to upgrade and expand our public website
with our monthly webinars, Online Support Community, and
additional content. In fact, I am very proud to announce that
recently GoodTherapy.org named our national website at the
very top of the 10 best resources on the Internet in 2012 for
grief and loss.
Soon we will be making available on-demand videos of
past conference keynote speakers to give you the opportunity
to see their wonderful presentations.
New Chapters
We welcome the following recently chartered chapters:
TCF of South Los Angeles ~ Los Angeles, CA
TCF of Metro Milwaukee ~ Milwaukee/Wauwatosa, WI
TCF of Christian County ~ Pana, IL
TCF of Corry ~ Corry, PA
TCF of Southwest Arkansas ~ Lewisville, AR
Sponsor the National Office for a Week
An opportunity to spotlight your child on the national
website exists when you “Sponsor the National Office for a
Week.” As a way to support the free services provided by the
National Office, your sponsorship of $150 (we accept up to
two sponsors each week) allows you to have a picture of your
child, sibling, grandchild, relative, or friend on the home page
of the national website and a picture and story about your
loved one on an inside page. Call 877-969-0010 for details. v
TCF National Website Honored
as 2012 Top Internet Grief Resource
The Compassionate Friends national
website at www.compassionatefriends.org has
been named by Good Therapy.org as the top
resource on the Internet for 2012 for people
experiencing grief and loss. The Compassionate
Friends was first in GoodTherapy.org’s list of
ten best resources, which was announced just
after the new year began.
The announcement stated that “among the criteria we used
to select our top 10 websites are quality and depth of content,
presentation, and functionality.”
“This is a true honor,” said TCF Executive Director
Patricia Loder. “We have worked very hard to make our
website easy to navigate, but filled with grief support
materials, which include our Online Support Community
(chat), our Spanish language website, our leadership site,
plus many pages created to specifically support the bereaved
parents, siblings, and grandparents who make up The
Compassionate Friends.”
Good Therapy.org., which calls itself “an advocate for
ethical therapy,” described TCF’s website as “a wealth of
information about healing grief.” v
•
21
Deryl Ann Dobson
in memory of Sean LeGate Dobson
Joan Dodson
Arlene and Galen Doll
in memory of Bryce Corey Doll
Michelle Gleyre Doll
in memory of Justin Gleyre Doll
Eleanor and Ken Donatelli
in memory of Michael J. Donatelli
Bevy Donegan
in memory of Doris Kushner
Vicky and Gerald Donegan
in memory of Clinton Wayne Donegan
Kathy Dougherty
in memory of Vincent Gabriel Rivera Jr. and
Andrew Tyler Rivera
Joanne Douglas
in memory of Katie Douglas
Keith Downen
in memory of Adam Troy Downen
Amy G. Doyle
in memory of Emilia F. Doyle
Helena Dozier
in memory of LaMont Eugene Mitchell
Shirley and Chris Drake
in memory of Kevin C. Drake
Ursula Draper
in memory of Andy Womack
Cindy and Tommy Driskill
in memory of Kristin Rae Driskill
Vicki and Gary Druchniak
in memory of Jeffrey Druchniak
Brian L. Dubay
in memory of Seth Brian Dubay
Joan Duggan
in memory of Julie Duggan
Geno Duhaime
in memory of Andrew Duhaime
Debbie and Dale Dullabaun Jr.
in memory of Dale Lee Dullabaun III
Marilyn and Elvin Durand
in memory of Paul Burton Durand
Janice Durand
in memory of John A. Durand
Carole and Peter Dyck
in memory of Christopher Peter Dyck
Pat and Jeff Dyson
in memory of Brian Wayne Drake Jr.
Stephan Earl
Donna and Ralph Eastman
in memory of Ralph Michael Eastman
Robert Eberhart
in memory of Kenny Eberhart
Judy and John Ebersberger
in memory of Katherine Ann Ebersberger
Sue Ebersold
in memory of Allie Jana Ayers
Penny Ecord
in memory of Robert D. Knapp
Michele Longo Eder
in memory of Benjamin Alan Eder
Julie and Bill Edgar
in memory of Michael Edgar
Patricia and Charles Edgar
in memory of Joseph A. Edgar
Donna and David Edmiston
in memory of Paul D. Edmiston
Wayne Edwards
in memory of Cheryl Edwards Stine and
Marilyn Edwards
Carol and Jimmy Egoian
in memory of J. Blake C. Egoian
Mary Ehmann Auger
in memory of Eric R. Ehmann
Colleen Ehret
in memory of Brandt Michael Koehler
Christine and Andrew Eickstaedt
in memory of Kaylen Arthur Eickstaedt
Debbie Elkins
Becky and Richard Engborg
in memory of Andrew Engborg
22
•
Mayra Engel
in memory of Adam Robert Engel, and in
honor of Spencer Francis Carr
Melanie and Gregg Englert
in memory of Braxton Lane
Barbara G. Erickson
in memory of Macy Wray Erickson
Heidianna Erickson-Brown
in memory of Ehron Alan Erickson
Karen and Bob Erwin
in memory of Jill Christine Erwin
Donna and Carmine Esposito
in memory of Carmine Esposito
Janelle and Fred Etoch
in memory of Evan Etoch
Donna Evans
in memory of George Evans
Kathy, James, and Brian Evans
in memory of Melanie Ruth Locklear
Elizabeth and Carville Evering
in memory of Catherine E. Evering
JoAnn Everson
in memory of Benjamin Everson
Jan and Cliff Ewing
in memory of Glenn Ewing
Leslie Eyster
in memory of Chad Eyster
JoAnne and Augie Fabietti
in memory of Thomas Fabietti
Frank Failla
in memory of Emily and Lauren Failla
Bernard Faller
in memory of Robert H. Faller
Connie and Greg Famularo
in memory of Brendan O’Neill
Kate and Bob Fandetti
in memory of Scott and Ryan Fandetti
Brenda Farler
in memory of Joshua Farler
Gloria Fava
in memory of Stephen R. Fava
Janice and David Feaga
in memory of Travis Feaga and
Kathrine Evering
Donna and Arliss Fedje
Susan Fedor
in memory of Jay Kaiser
Pamela Feldkamp
Nancy Feldman
in memory of Lance Alan Cohen
Jane Felixson
Martha and Dick Fenoglio
in memory of Judith Fenoglio Daw
Iris Fetterman
in memory of Joshua Fetterman
Dianne V. Fichter
in memory of Michael Justin Hoggard
Brenda and Orange Fields
in memory of Jordan John Fields
Janet Fields
in memory of Zach Fields
Antonia Filipiak
in memory of Leon C. Harwood II
Allison and Mark Finkelstein
in memory of David Samuel Finkelstein
FirstGiving
Kathleen and Ben Fischer
Teri Fischer
in memory of Donny Alan True
Kathy Fisher
in memory of Amy Marie Fisher and
Roger R. Dolloph Jr.
Suzanne and Lanny Fisher
in memory of Rocky A. Fisher
Esther Fitch
in memory of David and Fred Fitch
Margie Fites
in memory of Richard Steven Bianchi
Lorraine Fixler
in memory of Matthew Jacob Fixler
Becky and Kevin Flash
in memory of Michael Cade McDaniel
Eugene Flynn
in memory of Amy Braaten
Diane and Eric Fody
in memory of Jessica Lynn Fody
Bernard Foldy
in memory of Holly Foldy
Janet Folley
Sharon Fong
in memory of Stephanie Renee Fong
Claudia Forde
in memory of David Stephen Forde
Nancy Fortier
in memory of Jeff Fortier
Lynne and Roger Foster
in memory of Mark Jason Foster
Claire M. Fox-Subin
in memory of Bill Fox
Michele and Mark Fracasso
in memory of Mark R. Fracasso Jr.
Beth and Tom Fragasse
in memory of Donna Fragasse
Marilyn Frandzel
in memory of Esther Frandzel
Averil Esther Fraser
in memory of Errol Fraser
James Fraser
in memory of Glen R. Fraser
Debra and Dustin Frazier
in memory of A. J. and Cobin Lee Frazier
Sue and Charley Freml
in memory of Chad Freml
Betsy and Bob Friedl
in memory of Drew Lawrence
Michelle Fries
Lisa Frost
in memory of Nate Freeborn
Peggy and William Fry
in memory of Christopher Reed Fry
Matthew Fryer
Stephanie L. Fuller
in memory of Robin Nicole Troupe
Rose and Jim Fulmer
in memory of Mark William Fulmer
Paula and Larry Funk
in memory of Anna Lynn Funk,
Michael Austin, and all those who died
at Newtown, CT
Marilyn and Glenn Futrell
in memory of John Robert “J. R.” Woodfin
Dawn Gadd
in memory of Jesse Thomas Gadd
Jane and David Gadd
in memory of Lindsey Gadd
Barb and Tim Gaffney
in memory of Timothy J. Gaffney Jr.
Margaret Gahl
in memory of Vince Gahl
Kym and Rich Gaissl and Family
in memory of Jason Arcaro
Michael A. Galgano
June and Bob Gallagher
in memory of Thomas Brendan Gallagher
Linda Gallagher
in memory of Tracy Philip Kildebeck
Carolyn and Gerald Gamble
in memory of Cathy A. Gamble
Kathleen Gandarillas
in memory of the Newtown/
Sandy Hook angels
Teresa and Peter Gant
in memory of Molly Gant
Carrie Garcia
Olivia and Ruben Garcia
in memory of Lorenzo B. Garcia
Jacquelyn and Kevin Gardenier
in memory of Heather Marie
Gardenier-Hagan
Jean Koebel Gardner
in memory of “Chuck” K. Gardner
Shawnna and Vernon Gardner
in memory of Owen Briles Gardner
Kim and Insuk Garner
Joyce and John Garofalo
in memory of John E. Garofalo Jr.
Frances Garris
in memory of David, Doug, and
Diana Garris
Evelyn and Norman Gaudrault
in memory of Paul Gaudrault
Kristie and Mike Gaydos
in memory of Jessica Simonds, and in honor
of Jammie and Michelle Simonds
Mary C. Gaydos
Barbara Gearty
in memory of Shane Patrick Gearty
Tom W. George
Dale Gersch
Sue and Dom Gervasi
in memory of Gregory Gervasi
Maxine and Wade Gibbons
in memory of Wadine and Jason Gibbons
Peggy and David Gibson
in memory of Paige Gibson
Gichner Systems Group
in memory of Bran Oswin Engler
Sandra Gillen
in memory of Darryl Penton
Paula Gilligan
in memory of Ryan J. Gilligan
Mr. and Mrs. Al Giordano
in memory of Deanna Rose Giordano
Peggy and Alan Gitersonke
in memory of Holly Ann Odom
Michael Giuliano
Rachel and Bill Gleiberman-Kowalczyk
in memory of Sammy Carlson
Anne and Thomas Glenn
in memory of Lauren Glenn
Therese Glowacki Websters
in memory of Charlie Glowacki
Velma Goertzen
in memory of Beth Battis
Mary and Howard Goetz Jr.
in memory of Howie Goetz III
Marlene and Fred Goldberg
in memory of Elliot Goldberg
Rita Goldfarb
in memory of Jeff Goldfarb Hawes
Jerri and Jim Golis
in memory of Cory C. Golis
Noreen Gomez
in memory of Larua Holtz
Rebecca Gonhue
in memory of Blake Alan Gonhue
Michelle Gonzalez
in memory of Alyssa Gonzalez
Mary Ellen and Leroy Good
in memory of Devon Ransom Knight
DeAnna M. Goodin
in memory of Shawna Kaye Goodin
Donna and Ralph Goodrich
in memory of Lauren Bartley Marshall and
Garth Michael Marshall
Barbara and Barry Gordon
in memory of Jonathan Matthew Blank
Kathy and Dick Gordon
Althea and Tom Gorenc
Judy Gorham
in memory of Darrell Gorham
Dorene Goryeb
in memory of Gregg T. Goryeb
George Govatos
Rhonda and Jerry Gowey
in memory of Joseph Engel Gowey
Sally and Joseph Grablick
in memory of J. Ryan Wecker
Marilyn and Tim Grace
in memory of Megan Candice Grace
Mona Graham
in memory of Glenn Graham
Suzanne and Richard Graham
in memory of Samantha Graham
Betty Gray
in memory of Ricky Tucker
Terri Grayson
(Patrons, continued from previous page)
Georgena and Charles Green
Pam and Steve Green
Gail and Leonard Greenbaum
in memory of Adam Ross Greenbaum
David Greetham
in memory of Megan
Craig Gregory
Jeanne and Thomas Gregory
in memory of Timothy J. Gregory
Sharon Griener
in memory of Nicholas Hawkes
Pat and Bill Griffing
in memory of Christopher Michael Griffing
Mary Griffith
in memory of Noelle
Joan Griffithe
in memory of Cheryl Swanson and
Gary Griffithe
Lynne and Ray Grigsby
in memory of Brian Joseph Grigsby
Charlene and Larry Grimmett
in memory of Trena Lee Grimmett
Mary Grinavic
in memory of Christine Grinavic
Norma Gronewold
Barbara Gross
in memory of James Lee Stallings
Mary C. Gross
in memory of Laura Gross
Robert Grossi
in memory of James Grossi
Robin and Bobby Grubbs
in memory of Robby Grubbs
Helen Gruber
in memory of Neil Molberger
K. Joy Grubmeyer
in memory of Melanie S. Grubmeyer
Martina M. Grundy
Cathleen Grzanich
in memory of Claire Therese Grzanich
Alberta Guyet
in memory of Philip Andrew Miller IV
Betty and Dennis Haaland
in memory of Aaron Dennis Haaland
Mary and Harold Haas
Pat Haas
in memory of Kristine N. Haas
Sherry Haba
in memory of Steven Martin Haba
Rosemary and Daniel Haemmerle
in memory of Janice Haemmerle
Krumanaker and
Stephen Daniel Haemmerle
Valerie Haenn
Edie Hagstrom
in memory of Kate Johnson
Jay Hale
in memory of Adam Nation Ames
Bonnie Halenda
in memory of Ryan Edward Halenda
Ann and Mike Hall
in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson
Tamara Hallis
in memory of Shayler Hallis
Barb Halverson
in memory of Mike Halverson
Lynda Hamel
Barbara and Reg Hamer
in memory of Paul A. Hamer
Alice and John Hamilton
in memory of Danny Hamilton
Lewis Hamilton
in memory of Matthew Arnaldo Hamilton
Deborah Hammel
in memory of Jeremy Philip Hammel
Margie and Hal Hankel
in memory of Matthew Hankel
Ruth and Scott Hanna
in memory of Stephen Hanna
Ruthie and Kent Hannegan
in memory of John Hannegan
Carol Sue Hansen
in memory of Kerry Kim Hynds
Teri Hansen
in memory of Anna Paulson
Kyle Hanson
in memory of Chandie Hanson Behm
Jeanie and Peter Hany
in memory of Russell John Hany
Edie and Pete Happe
in memory of Roberta Louise Happe
Nancy and Wayne Harber
in memory of Caroline Elizabeth Harber
Sarah and Robin Hardy
in memory of Patricia Mary Hardy
Marcella Harms
in memory of Jeff Harms
Sally Harper
in memory of Alvin Stevens III
Marilyn and Ron Harris
in memory of Phil Harris
Karen and Don Harrison
in memory of David William Harrison
Doris and Robert Hartman
in memory of Melissa Ann “Hartman” Cino
Colleen and Jim Hassert
in memory of Ashley Hassert
Bernadette Hatok
Betty T. Hawkshaw
in memory of Dennis B. Hartman
Colleen Hayes
Othell and Bill Heaney
in memory of Kevin and Roger Heaney
Ozge and Trent Heck
in memory of Luke Heck
Cheryl Heffernan
Jackie and Duane Hegna
in memory of Jon Hegna
Tim Heiberger
in memory of Jessica Leigh Heiberger
Vicki Heilweil
in memory of Neil C. Heilweil
Cindy and Barry Heiman
in memory of Alexis Heiman
Jeannette Held
in memory of Don Dill
Ann and Mark Helfrich
in memory of Joshua Helfrich
Amy and Michael Helm
in memory of Jonathan Helm
Linda Helsel
in memory of John Finley Morris
Mr. and Mrs. A. Carl Helwig
in memory of Michael Helwig
Barb and Bill Henderson
Beverly Hendricks
in memory of Christopher Hendricks
David Hendricks
in memory of David Hendricks II
Deborah Henry
in memory of Justin Henry
Delores Hensley
in memory of Nichole Lee Hensley
Joby and Jack Herman
in memory of Luke Herman
Nena Herrick
in memory of Steven Michael Herrick
Barbara Hertel
in memory of Natalie Joy Voisine-Hertel
Janice and Harry Hess and Family
in memory of Amy Gwynn and
Jessica Lynn Hess
Linda Hess
in memory of Brian Hess
Tim B. Hester Sr.
in memory of Tim Hester Jr.
Eric Hicks
Sunday and Robert Hicks
in memory of Robert Dean Hicks Jr. and
Richard Anthony Hicks
Joe and Sherrie Higginbotham
in memory of Bethany Joy Higginbotham
Debra A. Hight
Theresa Hill
in memory of Kevin Douglas Hill
Deb Hilmoe-Jurgens and Wes Jurgens
in memory of Chase Michael Hilmoe
Sandy Hinckley
in memory of Craig Lea Hinckley and
Jordan Cone
LaVonne Hirabayashi
in memory of Deanna Lutz, Carol Lutz, and
Patricia Lutz Torres
Gay Hock
in memory of Merry Dianne Hock
Harriet Hodgson
in memory of Helen Hodgson Welby
Norman Hoffer
in memory of Randy Hoffer
Joan and Dale Hofmeister
in memory of Dennis M. Hofmeister
Marie and Ken Hofmockel
in memory of Douglas A. Hofmockel
Lisa and Del Hohman
in memory of Darryl Hohman
Paula and Mike Holder
in memory of Andrew “Drew” Michael
Holder Jr.
Mary Hollingsworth
in memory of Amy Hollingsworth Blasi and
John Hollingsworth
Lynda Holman
in memory of Richard Holman
Janet Hooten
in memory of Bradley Jonathan Gill
Carol D. Horbelt
in memory of Paul Robert Horbelt
Karen and Michael Horeth
in memory of Jordan Michael Horeth
Diane and Kurt Horning
in memory of Matthew D. Horning
Inez Horwitz
in memory of Matthew J. Horwitz
Hospice Foundation of America
Betty and Charles Hottenstein
in memory of Tracy Elizabeth Hottenstein
Denise and Wendell Hottmann
in memory of Matthew Hottmann
Steven E. Houser
in memory of Kevin Kapp
Coralee Howard
in memory of Clinton Michael Jones
Elizabeth Howard
in memory of Renée Bynum-Caldwell and
Baby Girl
Christine, Jay, and Megan Huberty
in memory of John David Huberty
Delois Hughes
Sean Huling
Candace Hulsey
in memory of Steven R. Hulsey II
Virginia Humphreys
in memory of Walter “Dude” Humphreys
Russell Hunter
in memory of Jonathan Ray Hunter
Huntington County Community
Foundation, Inc.
Karen Huper
in memory of Cory Michael Sivertson Huper
Joni and Bruce Hupke
in memory of Hannah Hupke
Linda Ihnen
in memory of Troy Joshua Ihnen
Bonnie Ingram
in memory of Paul Leland Rodgers
Kathy Ingram
in memory of Anaya Cheyenne Wilson
Interior Design Fair
Desiree and Joe Irby
in memory of William James Irby
Charlotte J. Irick
in memory of Joey Irick, Jeffrey Irick, and
Margaret Irick Bahr
Jean and Gerald Irving
in memory of Kara Lynne Irving
David J. Isenberg
in memory of Richard Isenberg
Lynn and Bob Jacobs
in memory of Brenda M. Jacobs
Emily Jaffke
in memory of Robert Scott Jarosz
Manu Jain Videki
in memory of Kavita Jain
Stanley J. Jakubaszek
in memory of Jodie Nicole Jakubaszek
Mary Javarey
in memory of Melissa Rourke Liu
Janet Jenkins
in memory of Alan Jenkins
Cathie and James Jetton
in memory of Melissa Jetton
Bob Johnson
in memory of Riley Johnson
Gwendolyn L. Johnson and Family
in memory of Antonio F. Cid
Michele and Steve Johnson
in memory of Lindsay Marie Johnson
Pam Johnson
in memory of Lori Jean Campbell
Patty and Mark Johnson
in memory of the Sandy Hook children and
too many others
Rebecca and Chris Johnson
in memory of Jasper Johnson
Terry and Andy Johnson
in memory of Brian Husted Johnson
Amanda and Larry Johnston
in memory of Alexander Russell and
Brice Donald Johnston
Lucille and Steve Johs
in memory of Nicholas Johs
Megan Jones
in memory of John William Jones V
Susan and David Jones
in memory of Eric Allen Jones
Susan Julian
Nancy and Frank Juracka
in memory of Lance John Juracka
Tom Kalette
in memory of Jon Blackmon
Jan Kameros
in memory of Cathryn Bradway
Gloria and Skip Kamrath
Leigh and Mike Kane and Family
in memory of Shannon Kelly Kane
Olga Kaplan
in memory of Andrey Litvinenko
Robert Kaplan
in memory of Alison Ruth Kaplan
Belinda and Doug Karge
Karen and Mort Kass
in memory of Matt Kass
Maxine and Walter Katz
in memory of Samuel Katz
Carol Kauffman
Marilyn Kaye
in memory of Melody Ann and
Daryn David Kaye
Mary Clare and Robert Kearney
in memory of Clare Kearney Church
Ruth Keeling
in memory of Cory James Keeling
Erika and Jereme Kelley
in memory of Matt Thorne and in honor of
Hershal and Marla Kelley
James Kelley
in memory of Casey Kelley
Lisa Kelley
in memory of Jeremy Michael Kelley
Sandra Thomas Keller
Debbie and Joe Kelly and Family
in memory of Guy E. Kelly IV
Adam F. Kempa
in memory of Chris Kempa
Helene Kendall
in memory of Stephen Michael Kendall
Dan Kenevan
in memory of Brian T. Kenevan
•
23
Juan Kenigstein
in memory of Danny Kenigstein
Gay N. Kennedy-Horton
in memory of Daniel Andrew Peterson
Karen Kenny
in memory of Michael Kenny
Pamela, Kevin, and Cheyenne Kenyon
in memory of Nick Packard
Kathy Kerdus
in memory of Erin Elizabeth Aune
Kerdus Dickman
Susan and Richard Kerkering
in memory of Drew Kerkering
Dianna and Hossein Keshari
in memory of Michelle Keshari Kubischke
Dianne Kessler
in memory of Donna Munch
Joyce and Gordon Kidd
in memory of Rick Koschkee
Carole L. Kies
in memory of Ian and Daniel Kies
Cynthia Kimball
in memory of Wayne Gordy
Marti Kimball
in memory of Lisa Ruth Kimball
Ann and Don King
in memory of Edward White King
Catherine King
in memory of Sean King
Kiana L. King
Peggy and Bill King
in memory of Kate Mackura
Sheila King
in memory of Jeffery D. King
Robyn and Mark Kingery
in memory of Christopher Kingery
Bob Kirk
in memory of Allison Kirk
Marti and Ira Kirschbaum
in memory of Melissa Kirschbaum Coleman
Gloria and Mike Kissel
in memory of Kimberly Kissel
Cheryl Kleehammer
in memory of Trinity Jane Isaacson
Brenda Kline
in memory of Brad Kline
Cathy Knapp
in memory of Russell Knapp
Raida and Roger Knapp
in memory of Eric Knapp
Sharon Knapp
in memory of Brad J. T. Knapp
Georgiann Knauer
in memory of Steven Geracimos
Mr. and Mrs. Ken Knight
in memory of Klara Morgan Knight
Richard Knight
in memory of Hollie Marie Knight
Wendy Knoble
in memory of Nick Knoble
Sandra Knup
in memory of John S. Williams III
Connie Koch
in memory of Daniel Edward Koch
Pamela Kokomoor
in memory of Zachary Henry Kokomoor
Leanne Konawalik
Marcia A. Koomen
Allan Korsower
in memory of Sgt. Jason S. Korsower
Debbie A. Kozsdiy
in memory of Aileen Kozsdiy
Rita and Toly Kozushin
in memory of Sarah Kozushin
Dan Krall
in memory of Peter Joseph Krall
Susan and Harvey Krauss
in memory of Mitchell Krauss
Mary Krill
in memory of John Jerome Krill and
Joel J. Krill
Janine Krzyzkowski
in memory of Elizabeth A. Krzyzkowski
24
•
William Kuehn
in memory of Timothy Kuehn
Michele S. Kurlander
in memory of Lori Phillips
Kathryn A. Kurtz
in memory of Michael Benjamin Kurtz
Valerie and Robert Kurtz
in memory of Jason Kurtz
Tiffany and Lucas Kyle
in memory of Matthew Kyle
Audrey Labiche
in memory of Mark Anthony Labiche
Chris and Mike LaFore
in memory of Jason and Christian LaFore
Lee Ann and Rick Lamb
in memory of Katie Lamb
Barbet S. Lamberg
in memory of Christopher A. Lamberg
Nancy and Scott Lambert
in memory of Brad Douglas Wildasin
Carol and Larry Lamothe
in memory of Mark S. Lamothe
Donna and Tom Lancaster
in memory of Shane Lancaster
Patricia and Ronald Landman
Kelly and Ron Landsverk
in memory of Brittney Rose Landsverk
Victoria and Michael Lane
in memory of Brett Lane
Terry Lange
in memory of Scott Lange
Linda and Rich Langway
in memory of Jeffrey Langway
Janaan Lapka
in memory of Chelsea Marie Lapka
Janis and Lance Larson
in memory of Kyle Larson
Josy LaSala
in memory of Michael Stingone
LaSalle University
in memory of Jonathan and in
honor of Greta Reichert
Jenny Lawing
in memory of Matt Lawing
Joan and Jim Lawrence
in memory of Susan Lawrence
Nancy Le
in memory of Ericka Knoll and in
honor of Lincoln Dollinger
Alan Leary
in memory of Ryan Leary
Renée and Hervé LeBoeuf
Kristin and Arnold Lee
in memory of Scott Lee and Steven Wright
Ellen Lee
in memory of Stephen F. Lee
Linda and Samuel Leibig
in memory of Debra Ann Sheehan Leibig
Dr. Irving Leon
Elaina Leonard
Leslie Lerner
in memory of Michael Anthony Bonito
Moya P. Leuty
in memory of Janice Leuty
Susan and Robert Levy
in memory of Chandra Levy
Brenda Lewis
Jan and Steve Lewis
in memory of Daniel Lewis
Mariella and Sheldon Lewis
in memory of Giulia Lewis
Carol Lieberman
in memory of Daniel Lieberman
Tina Liepins
in memory of Tyler James Liepins
Skip Lind
in memory of Erik Lind
Erica Lindemann
in memory of Amelia Grace Sperry
Laura Lindsay
in memory of Morgan Meredith Rohde
Carol and Will Little
in memory of Cash Newell
Lorraine LiVecchi
in memory of Michael Jason Martinez
Donna Livingston
in memory of D. J. Livingston
Reva and John Lizzadro
in memory of James “Chris” Lizzadro
Barbara Loechle
in memory of Christoph Hughes
Pamela Logan
Theresa and John Logan
in memory of Sean Patrick Logan
Ann and Rick Loggins
in memory of Minne Victoria Wickham
Becky Logsdon-Dougherty
in memory of Darin Scott Hart
Nancy and John Logue
Camille and Louis Lombardo
in memory of Jennifer Lombardo
Margery and Anthony Longo
in memory of Chris Marie Longo
Carole Lopez
in memory of Marcos Enrique Lopez
Barbara and Clyde Lord
in memory of Sharon Lord
Kathy Lord
in memory of Gabrielle Lord
Jean and Rolland Lorenz
in memory of Susan and David Lorenz
Kim and Charles Loutsch
in memory of Amy Lynn Loutsch
Peggy Lovering
in memory of Lee Lovering
Kristi Lovett
in memory of Mandy Lovett
Loving Moms
in memory of Katie, Joe, Christopher,
Shane, Nick, and Danny
Penney and Gary Lowmiller
in memory of John P. Michael Jr.
Abby Lupton
in memory of Timothy Lupton-Stegall
Debbie Luthart
in memory of Billy Luthart
Karen Lutzer
in memory of Adria Horning
Marie and Joseph Luzzo
in memory of Joseph Anthony Luzzo
Mark Lynch
in memory of Monica Lynch
Dr. Edward Lynn
in memory of Maggie Lynn
Patty and Paul Mace
in memory of Michael Richard Mace
Jayne MacKay
in memory of Gracie MacKay
Patricia and John MacMillan
in memory of Sean D. MacMillan
Leonardo Madriz
in memory of Kareem Sabbagh, and
in honor of Paz and Henry Sabbagh
Jacque and Kevin Maher
in memory of Cpl. Jarrod Maher
Jim Mahoney
in memory of Susan Mahoney
Bob Malkowski
in memory of Tom Malkowski
Stephen Malley
in memory of Kevin Malley
Peg and Steve Malloy
in memory of Margaret Mae Malloy
Catherine Manchesi
in memory of Thomas D. Manchesi
Barbara and Bob Mangold
in memory of Ken Leadingham
Bonnie Mantyla
Maria Marcellino
in memory of Terry Marcellino
Mr. and Mrs. Salvatore Marcello
in memory of Jennifer Marcello-Murphy
Joan and Joel Marcus
in memory of David Marcus
Julia Marie
in memory of Tadd Mitchell Hogland
Diane and Dominic Mark
in memory of Alena Rose Mark
Sheldon Markel
Veronica and George Marosi
in memory of Kristine Marosi
Yolanda and Randy Marsh
in memory of Stephanie Lauren Marsh
Rita and Paul Marth
in memory of Christopher Marth
Betty S. Martin
in memory of Ernest D. Rutland Sr.
Sharon Martin
Sheila and Richard Masterson
in memory of Richard Masterson
Mary Anne and Joe Mattero
in memory of Peter Martin Mattero
Martha and Ralph Maxwell
Robin May-Davis
in memory of Sara May
Nancy and Marty Mayer
Carol and Leon Mazzio
in memory of Leon Mazzio Jr.
Anna and Mark McCarthy
in memory of Michael Sasso
Dale McCarthy
in memory of Justin K. McCarthy
Jane and Steve McCartney
Noreen and Sean McCaulley and Family
in memory of Eric Roth
Norma and Ralph McClay
in memory of Todd Alan McClay
Barbara McClenahan
in memory of David C. McClenahan
Wendy McCloskey
in memory of Macie Grace McCloskey
Sharon and Bob McComb
in memory of Andi McComb
Mary McConnell
in memory of R. C. McConnell, and
in honor of the families of Newtown, CT
Joyce and Mark McCullough
in memory of Kyle W. G. McCullough
Barbara McDonald
in memory of Sean Christopher McDonald
Judy McDonald
in memory of Darren Kyle McDonald
Ruth and Michael McDowell
in memory of Paul Lyndon McDowell
Amanda McEver
Joseph McEvoy
in memory of Nicholas Josef Guasco Jr., and
in honor of Nick Guasco
Debbie and Buddy McFadden
in memory of Keith Allen McFadden
Mary Jo and Michael McFadden
in memory of Brian McFadden
Nancy McGehean
Susan and Jeff McGranahan
in memory of Ian McGranahan
Sandra and Jim McGrew
in memory of Greg McGrew
Barbara McIntosh
in memory of Eric Daniel Breazeale
Barbara and David McIntyre
Josh McIntyre
Rhonda, Jeff, and Emily McKenna
in memory of Tracy Ragan McKenna
Diane and Duncan McKenzie
in memory of Ryan McKenzie
C. A. McKibben
Christy McKiernan
Beverly and Mike McMurphy
in memory of Robin Lynn McMurphy
Marcia and Frankie McQueen
in memory of Trina Marie McQueen
Theresa and Kenneth McVearry
in memory of Paul Albert McVearry
Daniel L. Meadley
Mardy and Tim Meadows
in memory of Christopher Meadows
Maureen and Frank Medeiros
in memory of David J. Medeiros
Dorothy Meehan
in memory of Darcy M. Wood
Kathy Melish
in memory of Michael Melish
Anne and John Mell
in memory of Nancy Bodenstein
Pam Mendoza
in memory of Nikki Mendoza
Rosina Mensah
in memory of Kofi A. Mensah Jr.
Betty and Del Mercure
in memory of Carrie Ann Mercure
Gary Metcalf
in memory of Jonathan Metcalf
Jo Ann Metternich
in memory of Craig and Michael Metternich
Nahma Sandrow Meyers and
William Meyers
in memory of Isaac Jacob Meyers
Irwin Michelman
in memory of Elizabeth Ann Michelman
Susan and Doug Miduri
in memory of Nicholas Morret
Becky and Tom Mikowski
in memory of Peyton Alese Mikowski
Jeanne Miles
Camilla Miller
in memory of Timothy Turner and
Marlin Polen
Jane and Richard Miller
Marilyn Miller
in memory of Scott Allen and
Jeffery Lee Miller
Robin C. Miller
in memory of Carly Beth Morrison
Sharon and Toby Miller
in memory of Brendan John Miller
Sherri and Brian Miller
in memory of Corey B. Miller
Tracy Milne
in memory of Andrew G. Milne
Nadine Mims
Joanne Minkey-Crouch
in memory of Daniel S. Minkey
Johnnie and James Mitchell
in memory of Derek J. Mitchell
Michelle Mitchell
in memory of Rani Ann Mitchell
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Mitchell
in memory of William Alexander
Lewis Mitchell
Laurie and Richard Mobilio
in memory of David F. Mobilio
Nancy and Richard Moeller
Betsey and Robert Mohlenbrok
in memory of Michael Robert and
Thomas Andrew
Debbie and Bob Monahan
in memory of Carly Jo Monahan
Maria Monahan
in memory of Tommy Monahan
Judith Monks
in memory of Marc Anderson
Debra and Victor Montemurro
in support of the families of the
Sandy Hook School tragedy
Cynthia B. Moore
Judy and Otis Moore
in memory of Karen Moore Hayden
Lydia Moore
in memory of Nicole and Victoria Gonzales
Barbara, Ed, and Kia Morawetz
in memory of Christopher Morawetz
Maria Morgan
in memory of Jessica Ashley Parker
Loretta and Robert Morin
in memory of Michael Anthony
“Tony” Morin
Linda and Larry Moris
in memory of Larry Matthew Moris
Bonita Morlese
in memory of Dwayne A. James
Donna and Bob Morris
in memory of Jim Morris
Paul Russell Morris
in memory of Mark Russell Morris and
Michael Benjamin Hutchinson
Marilyn Morrison
Nancy, Rudolph, and Mike Morrison
in memory of David Morrison
Jeanne and Tom Morse
in memory of Jennifer M. Jacobi
Helen and James Moseley
in memory of Erika Lynn Moseley
Ina Sylvia Moses
in memory of Eileen Ruth Moses
Mike Moss
in memory of Morgan Moss
Sandra Moss, MD
in memory of William Branfield
Nancy A. Mower
in memory of Barbara Alice Mower
JoAnn Mozelewski
in memory of Amanda Davis
Marybeth and Bill Mueller
in memory of Gretchen Mae Mueller
Leigh and Randy Mulanax
in memory of Zach Mulanax
Sandy and Jeff Mullen
Cecilia Mullenbach
in memory of Sarah Ann Mullenbach
Stella Murillo
Alana B. Murphy
Don Murphy
in memory of Jessica Lee Murphy
Julie and Patrick Murphy
in memory of Ryan Patrick Murphy
Laurie Murphy
in memory of Dustin Ross Murphy Sue and
Elsie Murray
in memory of Errol Fraser
Timothy M. Nadolny
Art and Mary Narverud
Mary Neary
in memory of Aidan Neary
Norma Neeley
Cathy and Robert Neeson
Betty Nelson
in memory of Mark Stephen Nelson
Judy and Bruce Nelson
in memory of Brian Nelson
Nancy Nelson
in memory of Mark Whitehill
Elvina Nesbitt
in memory of Jeni Nesbitt Blake
Connie and Steven Newton
in memory of Steven L. Newton Jr.
Nancy Nicholas and Ralph Blackwood
in memory of Ryan Michael Nicholas
Leyla Nickerson
in memory of Devon Burgess
Paul Nied
in memory of Maria Nied
Dawn and Michael Nieft
Pat Nigro
in memory of Joey Nigro Jr.
Sue and Frank Nisenfeld
in memory of Andrew Nisenfeld
Etta and Chuck Nissman
in memory of Jeffrey Nissman
Tammy and Marcus Noble
in memory of Jeremy R. Barowsky
Angela and Robert Norbeck
in memory of Adrienne Norbeck
Kyle David Nordlinder
Linda and Jerry Novotny
in memory of Peter Novotny
Linda and Paul Nowaczek
in memory of Erin Nowaczek
Mary Jo and Michael Nowobilski
in memory of Michael Nowobilski Jr.
Lois Nyman
in memory of Sharon and Larry Nyman
Joan and Bob Nypaver
in memory of Theresa Marie Nypaver
Ellen and Charles Oakley
in memory of Dale T. Oakley
Marianne and Bill O’Connor
in memory of Kelly Ann O’Connor
Winnie and Joseph O’Connor
in memory of Brian P. O’Connor
Mr. and Mrs. Henry O’Donnell
in memory of John Patrick
“J. P.” O’Donnell
Jean and John O’Donnell
in memory of Christopher O’Donnell
Shirley and Dennis O’Donnell
in memory of Paige Gibson
Connie and Darrell O’Kelley
in memory of Maureen Nicole O’Kelley
Judy and Harvey Olitsky
in memory of Aaron Samuel Olitsky
Damaris Olsen
in memory of Steve Anderson and
Hans Zimmerman
Teresa and Lauren Olson
in memory of Thomas Wayne and
Anne Michelle Olson
Christine and Robert Onges
Renee Ordino
in memory of Ann Marilyn Staudt
Doris O’Reilly-Dillon
in memory of Heather Dillon
Leida Orosz
in memory of France Orosz
Karen O’Rourke
in memory of Carrie Scott Ortiz
Helen and Ronald Orr
in memory of Kristine Orr
Laura M. Orsban
in memory of Christopher J. Davis
Debbie and Gary Orsburn
Ulysses Ortiz
Sylvia Ossorio
in memory of Trinka Micol Baggetta
Carl J. Ostoin
in memory of Jim Ostoin
Ken Ostrow
in memory of Christy Ostrow
Betty and Merlin Oswald
in memory of Tessie Jo Oswald
Mary Anne Owens
in memory of Mary Kay Owens and her dad
Mary and Donald Paahana
in memory of Jeffrey James Paahana
Linda and John Pace
in memory of Keith A. Pace
Rao Palagummi
in memory of Padmapriya Palagummi
Steven Palley
in memory of Jeremy Palley
Mary and Ted Palmer
in memory of Mark Christopher Palmer
Donna and Chuck Paltsios
in memory of Jennifer Helen Paltsios
Diane and Richard Panke
in memory of John Richard Panke
Andre Parhamovich
in memory of Andrea S. Parhamovich
Karen Parker and Marni Schapsen
in memory of Derek Finan
Mary Ellen and Glenn Parker
in memory of Robbie Parker
Beth Parrish
in memory of Matthew Orr
Barbara Parsons
in memory of Robert D. Parsons
Tara L. Patris
Gail and John Patrissi
in memory of Michael John Patrissi
Alice Pau
in memory of Kiran Healy
Doris Pavlichek
in memory of Stephanie Nicole Pavlichek
Myrna Payton
in memory of Michael Anthony Conn
Denise and Alan Pedersen
in memory of Ashley Marie Pedersen
Vicki and Pete Pellerito
in memory of Annemarie Pellerito
Debbie Pemberton
in memory of Eric Pemberton
Kathy Pender
in memory of Michael Pender
Sherry Lynn Pendleton
in memory of Monica Lynn Compos Pendleton
David Perkins
in memory of Carol Perkins Shelton
Sara Perkins
Barb and Steve Perlowski
in memory of Donna Hoffman
Rayna Perpetua
in memory of Robert Maiolie Jr.
Barbara Perrin
in memory of Eric Perrin
Bill Peters
in memory of Scott Peters
Jane Peters
in memory of Darrell Peters and in honor of
the babies of Newtown, CT
Shirley and Leonard Peters
in memory of Mary Peters Prill
Barb Peterson
in memory of Eric Garsow
Lisa and Dan Peterson
in memory of Daniel John Ramirez
Mary Peterson
in memory of Jennifer Peterson
Michael Petrizzo
in memory of Michael David Petrizzo
Sharon and Bill Pevsner
in memory of Jeffrey J. O’Brien
Cathie Pfaff
in memory of Jeremy Pulcinella
Ginny and Bob Picking
in memory of Jeryl
Patricia S. Pike
in memory of Chuck and Paige Pike
Benjamin Pilson
in memory of Dana Pilson
Judy Pinsonnault
in memory of Nicholas Pablo
Carla Pizzoli
in memory of Nicholas King
Judie and Skip Polio
in memory of J. Michael and Carol
Judith Pollock
in memory of Beau Pollock Beling
Sue and Ken Porizek
in memory of Jeffrey Michael Porizek
Nancy and Russ Porter, USMC (Ret)
in memory of Thomas Christopher Porter
Nancy H. Posner
Shirley Potter
in memory of Christine Potter
Salvatore Praga
in memory of Nick Praga
Cheryl Pressly
in memory of Angela Pressly George
Manya and Orvis Preston
in memory of Robert Preston
Valerie Preston
in memory of Marcus Kin Preston
Suzanne Preudhomme
in memory of Donna L. Preudhomme, and
in honor of Donna Dorros and
Bruce Preudhomme
Michael Price
in memory of Mark E. Price
Arlene Priest
in memory of Marc Priest
Layton Priest
Debra Prosise
in memory of Bradley Hogue Prosise
Karen Protiva
in memory of John A. Protiva
Camille and Donald Pryber
in memory of Mark Balster, and in
honor of Rev. Donald and Marian Balster
•
25
The Ptaszek Family
in memory of Matthew Adam Ptaszek
Mary and John Puchnick
in memory of John J. Puchnick
Rozanne and John Puhek
in memory of Timothy John Puhek
Linda and Stephen Quinn
in memory of Samantha Quinn
Marion B. Racine
Doreen and Patrick Raftery
in memory of Coleen Marie Raftery
Sonia Rajagopalan
in memory of Jasper Haggist
Pam and Ed Ramspott
in memory of Joseph and
Beverly Ramspott and Gene Kaup
Kathy and Dan Rausch
in memory of Max Benjamin Rausch
Carol Raymond
in memory of Geoffrey Michael Rau
Barbara Read
in memory of Adam Christian Greiner
Renee Reavis
in memory of Reagan Isaac Reavis
Elisabeth and Greg Reed
in memory of Kevin Michael Reed
Linda and Stephen Reed
in memory of Stephen Ryan Reed
Marianne and Sam Reeves
in memory of Michelle Ala Reeves
Kathleen and Tom Regan
in memory of Brian Regan
Remembering Our Children
in memory of our children
Nancy and Jerry Renard
in memory of Greg Renard
Joe Replogle
in memory of Keith and Kurt Replogle
26
•
Kimberly and Danny Replogle
in memory of Killian Allen Replogle
Gwen Rice
in memory of Sean G. Rice
Shirley Rich Brinegar
in memory of Bert Rich
Richard French, Inc.
Karen Richardson
in memory of Megan Richardson
Thelma Richardson
Kyla and B. J. Richter
Pat Richter
in memory of Jonah Bethge
Melody Ann Ridgeway
in memory of Christian R. and
Justin R. Green
Mr. and Mrs. John Ridley
in memory of Justin Ridley
Ellen Rieger
in memory of Ethan Everett Martin
Cheryl Rinda
in memory of David C. Bill
Selina Rivera
in memory of Joey and Ricky Nunez
Rosemary and Roger Rivers
in memory of Gregory Scott Rivers
Gail and Jeff Roberts
in memory of Claire Aubrey Roberts
Jennifer Roberts
Mary and Vic Roberts
in memory of Joshua Evan and
Craig Matthew Roberts
Nancy Roberts
Roco Rescue
Jane Ewers Robinson
in memory of Richard Douglas Robinson
Katherine Rodgers
in memory of Jesse M. Rodgers
Michelle Rodgers-Babin and David Babin
in memory of Nicholas Babin
Marina Rodriguez
in memory of Daniel M. Cole
Leslie Rolison
in memory of Delaney Leigh Rolison
Bettye and Sam Rosenberg
in memory of Michael Rosenberg
Karen and David Rosenthal
in memory of Rebekah
Barbara Rosner
in memory of David Rosner
Joyce Ross
Lauren Rossi
Vincent Rossi
in memory of Douglas M. Gratton
Sandy and Whit Roush
in memory of John Whitney Roush III
Coralease and Willie Ruff
in memory of Candice “Kandy” Monique Ruff
Lucretia Ruff
in memory of Keri Young
Alfredo J. Ruiz
Jill and Robert Runke
in memory of Amanda Runke
Libby and Jim Rush
in memory of David Louis Rush
Lorna Russell
in memory of Jake Pavao
Christine Russo
in memory of William F. Pyra
Jeanette L. Ryan
in memory of Ryan McCray
Marlene and Thomas Rybicki
in memory of Eric Rybicki
MaryLynn and Dan Saande
in memory of Aleeza J. Saande
Jean and Don Safreed
in memory of Rachel Anne Safreed
Mary and Scott Sahling
in memory of Troy Dale Schultz
Nancy and Alan Sallman
in memory of Jonathon Sallman
Barbara and Evan Salop
in memory of Dr. Robert Bauer
Edith Salton
Dr. and Mrs. Michael Salwitz
Susan Sammons
in memory of Jared Lee Sammons
Lucinda and William Sanders
in memory of Christopher Lee Sanders
Nina Sanders
in memory of Susan Sanders
Patti Santiago
in memory of Jason Michael Pette
Martha and Mike Santoro
in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro and
the children of Newtown, CT
Louise and Mark Sargent
in memory of Jeffrey and Jonathan Sargent
Valerie Sari
in memory of Andrew Sari
Mr. and Mrs. Martin J. Scafidi
in memory of Daniel M. Scafidi
Lynn and Steve Scartozzi
in memory of Chrissy Scartozzi
Ruth and Dean Schaffer
in memory of Kevin P. Schaffer
Betty and Roger Schambow
in memory of Roy G. Schambow
Bernadette Schendel
in memory of Ashley Marie Schendel
Eric A. Schmidt
Gwen and Keith Schmidt
in memory of Kelly Linn Schmidt
•
27
TCF Board
of Directors
Patrick O’Donnell
President
Westland, MI
Georgia Cockerham
Vice President
Brookings, OR
Steve Schmeisser
Treasurer
DePere, WI
Nivia Vazquez
Secretary
Guaynabo, PR
Patricia Loder
Executive Director
Oak Brook, IL
Barbara Allen
Ellicott City, MD
Joan Campbell
Waxahachie, TX
Chuck Collins
Fairfax, VA
Steven Czirr
Spring Hill, TN
Dale L. Dullabaun Jr.
Northridge, CA
Heidi Horsley
New York, NY
Glen Lord
Nashua, NH
Tracy Milne, Sibling Rep.
Bonita Springs, FL
Alan Pedersen
Roseville, CA
Correspondence for the
Board of Directors
should be sent
to the board president at
[email protected] or
mailed to 37758 Marquette,
Westland, MI 48185.
v
28
•
Amber Schmitter
Ann and Carl Schoenhard
in memory of Erin A. Schoenhard
Barbara Schrage
in memory of Olivia Mary Katherine Cerone
Peggy and David Schreck
in memory of Denise M. Schreck
Joan and Richard Schroeder
in memory of Carl and Jack Schroeder and
Kyle Kozar
Sharon Schulte
in memory of Bryan W. Schulte
Janet and Jonathan Schultz
in memory of Karl Goldstein
Paula and Bob Schultz
in loving memory of Jeff and Melissa Cleaves
George Schumacher
Vickie and Norm Schuring
in memory of Michael J. Schuring
Suzanne Schutze
in memory of Stephen Ryan Schutze
Janet Schutzman
in memory of Julie Friedberg
Patty and David Schwartz
in memory of Andrew J. Schwartz
Pamela Sciascia
in memory of Joseph Sciascia
Jonathan Scilken
in memory of David Scilken and
Marshal Dritch
Deborah and Tim Scott
in memory of Justin Stewart Scott
Lourdes Secola
Cathy Seehuetter
in memory of Nina Westmoreland and
Christopher Seehuetter
Sandi and Fred Seitzer
Joan and Stewart Senator
in memory of Stephen Senator
Judy Seyler
in memory of Brian John Davidson
Lorrie Shafer
in memory of Eric S. Schalow
Mil and Rick Shanley
in memory of Randy Shanley
Rose and Norman Sharp
in memory of Diana Rose Sharp
Marylou and Rick Sharp
in memory of Josh Sharp
Janet Sharpe
in memory of Bob Terraglio, John Yodice,
and Matt McAfee
Madeline and Robert Sharples
in memory of Paul Sharples
Cliff Shatz and Joan Block
in memory of Rose Shatz
Linda and Gene Shaw
in memory of Steven Shaw
Vicki Sheckman-Raske
in memory of Todd A. Sheckman
Barb and Greg Sheehy
in memory of Todd Seth
Diana and David Shelton
in memory of Mindy Lea Shelton
Cindy and Jim Shepherd
in memory of Adam Shepherd
Linda Shively
in memory of Jessica Irene Fernandes
April Shiver
in memory of Doris McEarchern Kushner
Marti and Julien Shoemaker
in memory of David Hilton Shoemaker
Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Shores
in memory of Johnathan K. Shores
Willadean and JL Short
in memory of Danielle Lee Short
Don Shutt
in memory of Jeffrey S. Shutt
Ron Sibley
in memory of Laurie Jean Sibley
J’Nell and Dennis Sidwell
in memory of Alaina Marie Sidwell
Craig Siegman
Jayne and John Siever
in memory of Tom Siever
Roxanne Daugherty Sim
in memory of Levi Jones
S. Nancy Simches
Daniel Simon
in memory of Daniel Simon Jr.
Mary Ann and Ralph Simon
in memory of Sean Emmett Simon
Ginny and Walt Simpson
in memory of Greg Simpson
Pat and Bob Simpson
in memory of Teresa A. Simpson
Richard Simpson
in loving memory of Earl Thomas
Steven W. Skeeters
Anna and Edward Sklodowski
Lorraine and Craig Skrzypecki
in memory of Finley Skrzypecki
Carmela and Tom Slivinski
in memory of Francesca Slivinski
Gail and Stan Slobodien
in memory of Robert Slobodien
Melba and Glenn Smit
in memory of Henry Charles Smit
Donna and Don Smith
in memory of Andrew J. Smith
Erin and Kevin Smith
in memory of Jeremiah Copeland
Janet and Robert Smith
in memory of Kristi Mildred Smith Wainscott
Judith and Hodges Smith
in memory of Tyler Leger
Mona Smith
Paula and Joel Smith
Sandi and Parker Smith
in memory of Andrew Thomas Norcross
Valerie Smith
in memory of Nikolaus Wayne Smith
Patricia and Bertram Snead
Nancy Snedaker
in memory of Jeffrey Ray Call Jr.
Thomas J. Snieg
Elizabeth Snyder
in memory of Matt Snyder
Marchelle Snyder
in memory of Daniel Patrick Snyder
Debra Sokolow
in memory of Anton Sokolow-Nikolic
Mary and Marty Solmon
in memory of Gabriel Solmon
Dianne, Daniel, and Joshua Solomon
in memory of Zachary Solomon
Helen and David Solomon
in memory of Philip Solomon
Donna Sophier
in memory of Sean Sophier
Susan and Sal Souto
in memory of James Grant Souto
Marie and JR Speece
Roberta Spencer
in memory of Dr. Robert F. Spencer
Lue and Donald Splittorff
in memory of Brandon Splittorff
Rose Marie and Gene Sprando Jr.
in memory of Richard and Rebecca Sprando
Kate Springs
in memory of Sean Michael Collins
Bonnie and Jerry Stafford
in memory of Joseph William Stafford
Kristen Stafford
in memory of Jesse and Dale
Julia Starkey
in memory of Carson Starkey
Georgianna Starz
in memory of Christopher Starz
Myra Steinberg
in memory of Dirk J. Olson
Deborah and George Stellings
in memory of Joseph Isaac
Phyllis Stemmons
in memory of Amy Ann Bartelmey and
Stephen Hough
Susan and Gray Stephens
in memory of Thomas Stephens
Zelda Stern
in memory of Michael Y. Stern
Gwen, John and Amy Stetson
in memory of Tyler Browne Stetson
Martha and Homer Stevens
in memory of Elizabeth Ashley Stevens
Barbara Stoddart
in memory of Mark James and
David Michael Cash
Ruth Stoller
in memory of David Jay Stroller
Jacqueline Stone
in memory of Michael Latraverse and
Joseph Conlan
Robin and John Stopa
in memory of Lexy Stopa
Peggy and Lewis Strader
in memory of Christopher Lewis Strader
Diane and Phil Strahm
in memory of Carly Ann Strahm Tenpenny
Lorna and Richard Strudell
in memory of Miles Leo Daniel
Mary Ann and Terry Strupczewski
in memory of Michelle Strupczewski
Bobbie Stubler
in memory of Nicholas Stubler
Mr. and Mrs. Russell Stutts Jr.
in memory of Russell R. Stutts III
Demet and Taclan Suerdem
in memory of Sevi Suerdem
Andrew Sugrim
Laura and Gerald Sulkowski
in memory of David Sulkowski
Marjorie Sullivan
in memory of Christopher and
Peter Sullivan
Norita Sullivan
in memory of Capt. John T. Spolsky
Diane Sutton
in memory of Jason Michael Spuzzillo
Irene and Fred Sutton
in memory of Jim Sutton
Laura and Steve Swain
in memory of Fredrick Drey Meine
Nancy E. Swart
in memory of Eric Swart Rachesky
Kay and David Swartzendruber
in memory of Sara Kay Swartzendruber
Suzanne and Michael Sylvina
in memory of Stacy Sylvina Connell
Barbara and Thomas Szerensits
in memory of Mark J. Szerensits
Carol and Steve Szuchy
in memory of Michael John Szuchy
T. Rowe Price Global Matching
Gifts Program
in support of Barbara and Tom Allen
Richard Talomie
in memory of Joe and Daniel Talomie
Gerry and Eliot Taratoot
in memory of Andrea Johanna Taratoot
Marilyn and Quirt Taylor
in memory of Sra. Robin A. Taylor and
Sra. Corey Vaughan
Peg Taylor
in memory of Jamie Marie Hannig
Patricia Taylor Cox
in memory of Sandra Taylor
Karen Taylor Good
in memory of Christopher Wibeto
Roe and Tiho Teisl
in memory of Christopher Teisl
Peggy Telg
in memory of Michael Seth and
Christopher Allan Telg
Kathy Tender
in memory of Scott Potthoff
Tennyson Family Foundation
in memory of Jill Ellen Tennyson
Lyn and Irv Teven
Beth and Larry Thayer
The Staff of Thomas Miller Elementary
School
in memory of Thomas Andrew Haynes, and
in honor of Janice Haynes
Rose and John Theis Jr.
in memory of John C. Theis III
Michelle and Rob Theroux
in memory of Matthew Theroux
Anne and Bill Thompson
in honor of Kathleen and Ben Fischer of
West Hartford, CT
Carol Thompson
in memory of Sarah Kathryn Thompson
Gary Thompson
in memory of Jamie Robert Gonzales and
Ricky Anthony Thompson
Nancy Thompson
in memory of Andy Thompson
Robin Thompson
in memory of Christopher Todd Brown
William Thompson
in memory of Mrs. William Thompson
Robin and Don Thomson
in memory of the children killed in Newtown, CT
Karen Thorsen
Maria Thulion
in memory of Erin Nicole Ruchotzke
Karen and Alan Thursby
in memory of Sara Beth Thursby
Judith Downs Tinelli
in memory of Malcolm “Mike” Ross
Debra Tinker and Charles Enos
in memory of Matthew Tinker Enos
Kim and Joel Tiss
Carol and Bob Titus
in memory of Susan Titus Watt
Diane Tobin
in memory of Pamela Roberson
Lin and Sol Toder
in memory of Nan Eileen Toder
Sue and Ed Toland
in memory of Amy Su Toland
Elizabeth and Robert Tolley
in memory of Alan Clark Tolley
Martha and Carl Tomanelli
in memory of Kristin Underkoffler
Mandy and Bill Tomz
in memory of Alan Slater and Drew Baldree
Patricia and Lawrence Toole
in memory of Daniel L. Toole
Carmela Millie Torre
in memory of JoAnne Walegir
Diane and Tim Torrel
in memory of Victor C. Torrel
Connie and Charlie Townsend
in memory of Shane Anthony Townsend
Bridie and Paul Tracy
in memory of Paul Tracy Jr. and
Thomas Tracy
Peggy and Tim Trant
in memory of Ryan Matthew Trant
Travelers Matching Gifts
Christina Trejo
Olivia Trigerous
in memory of Victor M. Trigerous Jr.
Connie and David Truelsch
in memory of Rebecca Truelsch
Mary Lee and George Truesdale
in memory of Scott Truesdale
Jane and William Truffa
in memory of William Truffa Jr.
Phyllis and Arthur Tuber
in memory of Matthew Brandon Sooy
Mr. and Mrs. Garry Tuttle
in memory of Troy A. Tuttle
Kathy D. Twitty
Hope and Michael Tyler
in memory of Mike Tyler
Audrey and David Tysdale
in memory of Michael Tysdale
Katharine Uhle
in memory of Raymond John Uhle
Union Valley United Methodist Church
United Way Donors
Gregory Urda
in memory of Isaac John Urda and
Tristan Taylor Hawkins
Judy and Leonel Urdaneta
in memory of Carmen Cristina Urdaneta
Lois and Dilawar Uthman
in memory of Laila Uthman
Marguerite Vacca
in memory of Michael Vacca
Rosemary Vaccaro
in memory of Eric Quarato
Diana and John Vagianos
in memory of Nicole Vagianos
Lucille and Paul Valliere
in memory of Christopher P. Valliere
Steve Van Horn
in memory of Daniel Van Horn
Victoria Vandewater and
Wilfred Hitchman
in memory of James L. Vandewater IV
Marie Vangen and Ron Louks
in memory of Ronnie Louks
Brenda Vasbinder
Bonnie and Gary Vick
in memory of Micheal Vick
Jennie and Edgar Villanueva
in memory of Tommy Villanueva
Theresa C. Vining
Virginia Mason Medical Center Nursing
Resources Dept.
in memory of the Sandy Hook victims
Al Visconti
in memory of Krista Marie Visconti
Mary and V. Robert Vitolins
in memory of Laura M. Vitolins
Gladys Capacetti Vives
in memory of Richard Vives
Clara and Clifford Vogt
in memory of Dave Snepp, and in honor of
Sue, Karl, and Karen Snepp
Julie and Larry Vogt
in memory of Grant Vogt
Beverly Voorstad
in memory of Mieke Danielle Voorstad
Judy Wade
in memory of Jim Roush
Mary Lou Wagstaff
in memory of Sarah Margaret Wagstaff
Nancy Wallace Briordy
in memory of Daniel Wallace
Alice and Reuben Waller
in memory of Jonathan H. Waller
Leslie Walsh
Molly and Robert Walsh
in memory of Drew Walsh
Lorraine Walter
in memory of Daniel Thomas Walter
Jeanne and Robert Walz
in memory of Kelly Jeanne Thompson and
Carl Walz
Bill Warner
in memory of Austin Vickers Warner, and
in honor of Trae Warner
Deborah Warner
in memory of Joshua Warner
Georgia and John Warren
in memory of John David Warren
Iris Warren
in memory of April Warren Page
Sheryl Watling
in memory of Nicholas Jay Watling
Gwen Watson
in memory of Matthew A. Watson
Lois Weatherford
in memory of Beth Ann Thomas
Ike Weatherly
in memory of Brandon and Cameron Weatherly
Arlene Weaver
in memory of Roger Weaver
Rod Webber
in memory of Mike Webber
Colleen and Bob Weber
in memory of Michael Weber
Ida Weisleder
Linda and Rudy Weissberg
in memory of Rudy Weissberg
Mark Weiss
in memory of Or Oved-Weiss
Yvonne and Rob Weiss
in memory of Gregory Phillip Weiss
Joan and Stan Weiss
in memory of Jonathan P. Weiss
Peggy Wells
in memory of Rachel Mary Rutledge
Esther H. Wender, MD
in memory of Daniel Robinson
Varda and Arnie Wendroff
in memory of Lauren Michelle Wendroff
Irwin Werbowsky
in memory of Isabelle Grace Jordon
Judy Werner
in memory of Michael Werner
Howard West
in memory of Karianne Baklarz Gleason
Corinne West Frassa
in memory of Sean West
David Wethe
in memory of Amy Wethe
Linda Wetzel
in memory of Christopher Wetzel
Deborah Weyand
in memory of Michael A. Weyand
Charlene Whilden
in memory of Holly Whilden Prohowich
Camille and Hugh White
in memory of Hugh White Jr.
Nancy and Ron White
in loving memory of Keith Coleman White
Patricia and Walter White
in memory of Randy Carter White
Stephanie and Robert White
in memory of Johanna White
Kitty Whiteside
in memory of David Meredith
Gina Ann Whitsel
in memory of Matthew David Campagna
Jennifer and Gerald Wickham
in memory of Minnie Victoria Wickham
Becky and Dan Wieder
in memory of Lisa Wieder, and
in honor of Rachel Earls
Linda Wilburn
in memory of Orbie DeWayne Wilburn
Barbara and Jim Williams
in memory of Gregory Dean and
Kimberly Dawn Williams
Debbie Williams
in memory of Christopher R. Williams
Pamela Williams
in memory of Meredith Williams
Sandy Williamson
in memory of Christopher Williamson
Sally Wilmeth and Terry Geurkink
in memory of Jenni and Kyle Geurkink
Karen and Ken Wilshe
in memory of Jason Wilshe
Phyllis A. Wilson
in memory of Eric D. Killinger
Sue Wilson
in memory of Allie Tease
Nancy and Daniel Wisley
Melissa Wogomon
Karen Wolf
in memory of Brad Wolf
Kim and Randy Wolken
in memory of Adam Wolken
Katy and Kent Womack
in memory of Andrew Womack
Annette and David Womer
in memory of Brad David Womer
Muriel Woodburn
in memory of Troy Alexander Thomas
Ean Woodbury
in memory of Lauren Woodbury
Jennifer Worthington
in memory of Cyndy Geissler
Beverly and Jim Wright
in memory of Rhonda Andrews
Ruth and Dean Wright
Julie E. Wynne-Martin
in memory of Eric Scott Russell
Bill Wyre
in memory of John A. Wyre
Mary Yakas
in honor of of Newtown, CT
Kay and Gary Yanka
in memory of Eric L. Yanka
Lucie Yanney
in memory of Mina R. Yanney
Renae Yedinak
in memory of Benjamin Lee Kleeves and
Michael David Yedinak
Mary P. Yepsen
in memory of Nate Yepsen
Ann and Ford Young
in memory of Kendall Young
Marlene and Steve Young
in memory of Whitney Marie Young
Michelle and Jim Young
in memory of Joshua Taylor Young
Pam and Doug Young
in memory of Davis Young
Hillary Zahm
in memory of Allie Grimsley
Ilana and Andy Zalkin
in memory of Michael Benjamin Zalkin
Barbara Zankel
in memory of Justin Zankel
Karen and Ronald Zaylik
in memory of Brian Ludlow
Suzanne Ziegler
in memory of Kristi Leigh Ziegler
Barbara Zinman
in memory of Allison Weingarten
Mary Joyce Zonfrillo
in memory of Michael A. Zonfrillo III
Barbara Zornes
in memory of Corey Reynolds
Carolyn Zurawski
in memory of Charlie Kontos
v
TCF CHAPTER
SUPPORT 2012
Circle of Caring (500–$999)
Mobile Chapter (Mobile, AL)
in memory of all their children
Verdugo Hills Chapter (Glendale, CA)
in memory of all their children, brothers
and sisters, and babies
St. Paul Chapter
(St. Paul/Maplewood, MN)
in loving memory of their children,
siblings, and grandchildren
TCF Katy TX Chapter
(Katy/Houston, TX)
Circle of Support
($200–$499)
Nashville Chapter (Nashville, TN)
Circle of Friends ($50–$199)
Abington Chapter
(Abington/Jenkintown, PA)
TCF of the District of Columbia
(Washington, DC)
v
•
29
Your world has shattered and will never be the same again. But you are not alone.
We invite you to visit www.opentohope.com, the world's largest online grief and loss
support community, with over one million yearly visitors. Founded to help you find
hope again during one of the hardest times in your life.
Inspirational stories of life, loss and hope:
 4,000+ articles, written by authors who have experienced a loss like yours
 500+ Open to Hope TV and radio programs, hosted by mother/daughter team Dr. Gloria
Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley & 150 YouTube videos
 New Books! Bereaved Parents, foreword by Pat Loder &
Signs of Hope from Heaven, foreword by Bill Guggenheim
 International Grief & Loss Calendar
 A place for you to share your stories
www.opentohope.com
Subscription and Patron Form
The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
900 Jorie Blvd., Suite 78 / P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
[Quantity subscriptions are available. Contact the National Office toll-free at 877-969-0010.]
____ Yes, I would like a subscription to
We Need Not Walk Alone, the national
magazine of The Compassionate Friends,
published triannually.
( ) $20 U.S.A.
( ) $23 Canada (U.S. Dollars)
( ) $30 Foreign Countries
____ Yes, I would like to make
a Patron donation and receive a
subscription to We Need Not Walk
Alone. As a Patron, I understand
that I will be assisting TCF in the
promotion of the positive resolution of grief and the fostering of
emotional and physical health of
bereaved families throughout the
United States following the death
of a child.
Patron Plan*
( ) Simon Stephens Founder’s Circle
$10,000 or more
( ) President’s Circle
5,000 to 9,999
( ) Circle of Love
2,500 to 4,999
( ) Circle of Hope
1,000 to 2,499
( ) Circle of Caring
500 to 999
( ) Circle of Support
200 to 499
( ) Circle of Friends
50 to 199
*Annual subscription to magazine included
$____________________ Total enclosed
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30
•
o
The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
or include your credit card information:
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Signature_________________________________
Tell Me What to Say
~By James Eugene Batchelor
Editor
Catherine Patillo
You know I’ve lost a loved one and
Copy Editor
Deborah Wiseman
You hope to bring me comfort and
you fear to speak no wrong
To have material considered for publication,
send to:
[email protected] or [email protected]
or Catherine Patillo, WNNWA
P.O. Box 526194
Salt Lake City, UT 84152-6194
you see my grief is strong
We’ve all heard horror stories
of when people say wrong things
And we’ve all heard testimonies
of the bitterness it brings
It’s often someone close to us,
they mean to say their best
But then speak something hurtful
and now they feel distressed
We rehearse the words we want to say
so deep within our heart
But when our turn approaches
we stumble from the start
So let me help you out my friend,
I’m here today for you
And I’ve found some words of wisdom
from the sorrow I’ve gone through
The fact you’re here brings comfort,
you need no longer fear
It’s enough to say you’re sorry and
enough to show you care
And as the days and weeks go by
and months turn into years
The grief may start to weaken
but it always will be there
So call once in a while
or just visit for the day
Because those simple acts of kindness
Are more than words can say
v
~In memory of Ethan
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
Executive Director
Patricia A. Loder
TCF National Office
900 Jorie Blvd., Suite 78
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Phone: (630) 990-0010
Toll-Free: (877) 969-0010
Fax: (630) 990-0246
E-mail:
[email protected]
Website:
www.compassionatefriends.org
One complimentary copy of
We Need Not Walk Alone is sent to
bereaved families who contact the
National Office. To receive future issues,
please use the subscription form in this issue or visit
The Compassionate Friends on the Internet at
www.compassionatefriends.org.
Contact the National Office
for information on quantity subscription prices.
Copyright © 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
All Rights Reserved. We encourage the reprinting
of individual articles, unless specified “one time only,” but
ask that proper credit be given to We Need Not Walk Alone.
This magazine is not to be reproduced for distribution
in its entirety without written permission from
the National Office.
•
31
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, INC.
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
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Boston, Massachusetts
Home of The Compassionate Friends
36th National Conference July 5-7, 2013
Most people who have a child, or a sibling, or a grandchild die feel alone. Many have never met
another person walking the same path. That’s why Compassionate Friends national conferences
are so incredible to attend. No one is different. Everyone has lost a child, sibling, or grandchild
and has had their life turned upside down. Some will be further along in their journey while
others will just be starting. A TCF National Conference gives you the opportunity to open up about your loss and to
learn from others. Here’s some of what you can expect from this year’s National Conference:
• FourOutstandingkeynotespeakers:GreetingyouwillbeDr.HeidiandDr.GloriaHorsleyofTCFandOpento
Hope and Phil Horsley, chairman of TCF Foundation; Tina Chery who, after the murder of her son Louis, created
the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute with a mission to create and support an environment where families can live
in peace and unity; Ken Druck, bereaved parent, founder of the Jenna Druck Foundation, and one of the nation’s
pioneers in personal transformation including healing after loss; Bill Hancock, director of the Bowl Championship
Series (college football), author of Riding With the Blue Moth and father of Will who was killed during the January
27, 2001 crash of an airplane carrying members of the Oklahoma State University men’s basketball team.
• Morethan110workshopscoveringmostareasofgriefafterthedeathofachild
• Completesiblingprogram
• Fridayeveningspecialentertainment
• RemembranceCandleLighting
• Sharingsessions,hospitalityrooms,meditationroom,butterflyboutique,fullbookstore
• AChallengeGrantisavailabletodoubleyourdonationsinsupportoftheconference.Seenationalwebsitefor
details!
• FourteenthannualCompassionateFriendsWalktoRemember
• Much,muchmore!
A recent note from Donna: TCF functions are the only places I feel that I can totally be myself. I don’t have to apologize for
crying, being sad, being mad, etc. Thanks to all the wonderful people that make these conferences possible.
For all the latest information including registration information and online reservations for the host hotel, the beautiful
Boston Sheraton, visit www.compassionatefriends.org>News_ Events> 2013_National_Conference_Boston

We Need Not Walk Alone - The Compassionate Friends

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