TCF Nov 2013 - The Compassionate Friends

NOVEMBER 2013
V O L UME 2 2 , NO . 8
TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting
Sunday, December 8, 2013
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle
Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in
lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories
of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and
grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at
7:00 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of
persons commemorate and honor the memory of all
children gone too soon.
Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting
on the globe, the 17th annual Worldwide Candle
Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from
The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time
zone.
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle
Lighting began in the United States in 1997 as a
small internet observance, but has since swelled in
numbers as word has spread throughout the world of
the remembrance. Hundreds of formal candle
lighting events are held and thousands of informal
candle lightings are conducted in homes as families
gather in quiet remembrance of children who have
died, but will never be forgotten.
The Compassionate Friends and allied organizations
are joined by local bereavement groups, churches,
funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, children’s
gardens, schools, cemeteries, and community
centers. Services have ranged in size from just a few
people to nearly a thousand.
Every year you are invited to post a message in the
Remembrance Book which will be available, during
the event, at TCF’s national website.
Please look for details for upcoming TCF Worldwide
Candle Lighting ceremonies on your chapter page or
contact your chapter leaders for more information.
Inside this issue:
Calendar and Contacts
2
Arlington Chapter
3
Fairfax Chapter
4
Leesburg Chapter
5
Prince William Chapter
6
Reston Chapter
7
Washington, DC Chapter
8
Resources
9
Our Children Remembered
10
Page 2
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Newsletter Team
Meetings
Editor
Janet Keeports
[email protected]
November 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Database Manager
Brenda Sullivan
[email protected]
7:30 PM Fairfax
7:30 PM Leesburg
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Treasurer
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Drive
Woodstock, VA 22664
[email protected]
2:00 PM Reston
Thursday, November 14, 2013
7:30 PM Arlington
Reporters:
Arlington
Lois Copeland
[email protected]
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
7:00 PM Washington, DC
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Fairfax
Katy Frank, [email protected]
Washington, DC
Veronica Stubbs, [email protected]
Leesburg
Bev Elero, [email protected]
Prince William
Selina Farmer-Williams
[email protected]
Reston
Kathy Grapski, [email protected]
Regional Coordinator
Kathy Collins
[email protected]
TCF National Headquarters
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
www.compassionatefriends.org
(877) 969-0010
Arlington Website
www.tcfarlington.org
Webmaster: Mary M.Bell
[email protected]
Fairfax Website
www.tcffairfax.org
Leesburg Website
www.tcfleesburg.org
[email protected]
Prince William Website
www.tcfprincewilliam.org
[email protected]
Washington, DC Website
www.tcfwashingtondc.org
November 2013
7:30 PM Prince William
Arlington Chapter
Contact: Lois Copeland
301-520-0225
[email protected]
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Dr.
Woodstock, VA 22664
Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 N.16th St
Arlington, VA
Second Thursdays 7:30 PM
Fairfax Chapter
Please send
Contact: Carol Marino
“Love Gifts” to:
[email protected] Monica Clark
5444 Ladue Lane
Chapter Phone:
Fairfax, VA 22030
(703) 622-3639
Attn: TCF
Old St. Mary’s Hall
next to St. Mary’s Historic
Church and Cemetery
Fairfax Station Rd
and Route 123
Fairfax, VA 22030
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Leesburg Chapter
Contact: Bev or Bernie
Elero
(540) 882-9707
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Mrs. Anne Shattuck
224 Walnut Ridge Ln.
Palmyra, VA 22963
St. James Episcopal Church
Janney Parlor
14 Cornwall St NW
Leesburg, VA
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Prince William
Chapter
Contact: Jennifer Malloch
[email protected]
(571) 229-0768
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Melody Ridgeway
9366 Dahlia Ct.
Manassas, VA 20110
Grace United Methodist Church
Library, 2nd Floor
9750 Wellington Rd
Manassas, VA
Third Thursdays 7:30 PM
TCF Reston
(for no surviving children)
Contact:
Nancy Vollmer (VA)
(703) 860-8587
Sharon Skarzynski (MD) (410) 757-5049
North County Gov Bld.
Reston Police Station Bld.
12000 Bowman Towne Drive
Reston, VA
Second Saturdays 2:00 PM
Washington, DC
Chapter
Contact: Olivia Gunter
(301) 552-2798
The Howard University
The Blackburn Center
2397 Sixth Street, NW
Washington, DC 20059
Third Wednesdays 7:00 PM
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Coralease Ruff
3314 Applegrove Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171
November 2013
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Welcome to Those Attending
Their First Meeting
September:
Pat Barbarowicz, who lost her daughter, Lindsay
Sabrina Rodriguez-Harte, who lost her pre-born baby
Fiorella Zuccareli, who lost her sister, Marcella
October:
Corinna Brooks, who lost her son Connor
Kathy Kinard, who lost her pre-born baby
You found the courage to attend your first meeting;
you are not alone.
Page 3
voice recordings can help people deal with their losses. The main
issue of grief and bereavement is this thing that you love, you
lost a connection to, she said.”
The bereaved family members interviewed for this Washington
Post article either lost their loved one’s cell phone greeting or
cell phone voice message. The companies either upgraded the
phone system ,which deleted the greeting, or a phone company
deleted messages after a certain time period.
As grieving parents we know that Lisa Moore is not crazy. She is
a grieving mother who just wants to hear her daughter’s voice.
~Lois Copeland, TCF Arlington, VA
Mark your Calendar
The Annual TCF Arlington Candle Lighting Service will be held
on Sunday December 8 at Trinity Presbyterian Church,
Arlington, VA. There will be music, readings, lighting of candles
and reading of children's/sibling’s names. Please bring a picture
and a small memento of your child/sibling for display and a
refreshment.
Your Child’s Voice
One week before David died I had a party for my oldest son
Edward and his new wife. David took video of the party,
interviewing friends and relatives. Most of the video was of
others but I could hear his voice throughout. After the party
David took the video camera to his room, placed it on his dresser,
turned it on and wrestled with his dog on the bed, talking
throughout until the camera turns off. It is a powerful ending. As
much as I value the video portion of the afternoon, hearing
David’s voice brings him to life.
Several years ago, our family was watching home movies when
David appeared on the screen. It was very emotional for all of us
in the room, but when we heard him speak in his nine year old
voice was when the room went quiet. We played that segment
over and over again. His voice was a powerful reminder of what
was, and the memories of time past, more vivid.
I recently read an article in the Washington Post, Monday,
October 14, titled; A loved one’s voice is suddenly lost, again, by
Tom Coyne.
He writes, “When her 19 year old daughter died of injuries
sustained in a Mother’s Day car crash five years ago, Lisa Moore
sought comfort from the teenager’s cellphone.
She would call daughter Alexis’s phone number to listen to her
greeting. Sometimes, she’d leave a message, telling her daughter
how much she loved her.
‘Just because I got to hear her voice, I’m thinking I heard her. It
was like we had a conversation. That sounds crazy. It was like
we had a conversation, and I was okay,’ the Terre Haute, Ind.,
resident said.”
It’s the voice that is the connection. “Holly Prigerson, director of
the Dana Farber Cancer Institute’s Center for Psychosocial
Epidemiology and Outcomes Research and a professor of
psychiatry at Harvard Medical School who has studied grief, said
Farewell Luncheon
Mary and John Bell, former leaders of the Arlington Chapter of
TCF and Regional Coordinators, are relocating to Fort Wayne,
Texas within the next couple of months. In honor of their long
commitment to TCF, a luncheon will be held on Saturday,
November 16, 2013 at noon at The Olive Garden, 3548-52 South
Jefferson Street, Falls Church, VA 22041. The restaurant is
across from the Skyline Towers complex in Bailey’s Crossroads
at the corner of Rt. 7 (Leesburg Pike) and S. Jefferson St.
Cost is $15.00 per person including gratuity. It includes
breadsticks, soup or salad, choice of one entrée, fountain drink,
tea, coffee or juice and vanilla ice cream.
You may choose from the following entrées: Spaghetti and
Meatballs, Lasagna Classico, Eggplant Parmigiana, Fettuccine
Alfredo or Ravioli Portobello. Additional items such as wine,
beer, and/or appetizers may be ordered at an additional cost to
you.
Prepayment is required no later than November 11, 2013. Send a
check made out to Kent Womack to: Kent Womack, 1013
Riverside Drive, Woodstock, VA 22664.
Anyone wishing to send Mary and John Bell a personal note may
do so at their current home address of 1618 Kenilworth St. N.,
Arlington, VA 22205-2823.
Thank You for Your Love Gift
John and Mary Bell,
in loving memory of their daughter, Susan Elizabeth
Page 4
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
November 2013
TCF Fairfax Chapter News
Welcome to New Members
We are sorry you need us, but we are glad you
found us:
Chris Horner of Springfield, VA,
grandparent of Nathan Berry Horner
Recognition of Service
We would like to offer many thanks and much
appreciation to Diane Burakow for all her years of
service to the TCF Fairfax Chapter and especially to
bereaved families. Her kindness and compassion
have comforted many and brought hope. Through
her volunteer efforts with TCF, she has honored her
beloved daughter Sasha so well.
Diane has stepped down as Chapter Co-Leader to
enjoy full time, the very beautiful Smith Mountain
Lake and her home there. Diane, you will be so
missed but we look forward to seeing you from time
to time when back in this area. You will always be
welcomed to our meetings! We are forever grateful
for the gifts you have brought.
Much love and thanks,
~TCF Fairfax Chapter
With Diane’s departure, Carol Marino (Leigh Anne’s
Mom) will continue to lead the TCF Fairfax Chapter.
Several members of TCF Fairfax are trained
Facilitators and three are taking a more active role
in helping facilitate the monthly meetings. Mary
Keegan (Conor’s Mom), Katy Frank (Aidan’s Mom)
and Susan Davis (Richard’s Mom) have stepped
forward to be of assistance. They are long standing
members of the Chapter; all have sat on the
Steering Committee and been very involved in TCF
Fairfax Chapter activities.
Although their family/work schedules preclude them
from taking on a full Leader role at this time, we are
very grateful for their dedication and the continued
support of all TCF Fairfax Chapter members and
volunteers. We remain strong in our commitment to
help those who have lost a child/sibling/grandchild.
Thank you for the nice comments and compliments
we receive each month and after Chapter events.
So many, who have come to us, have stated this
Chapter always feels like family!
TCF Fairfax Candle Lighting
Sunday, Dec. 8, 2013, 7:00 pm
St. Mary's Historic Church, Fairfax Station, VA
Advance Registration (free) is required in order to
attend. TCF Fairfax Chapter Members will have first
opportunity to register. If space allows, registration
will then be open to other TCF Chapters and the
general public. Special Music, Readings, Lighting of
Candles, Cake and Coffee Reception to follow.
Thank You for Your Love Gift
Anatoly and Rita Kozushin, in memory
of their daughter, Sarah Kozushin
Dave and Cindy Morrell, in memory
of their son, Darren
Deborah and Frank Rowland, in memory
of Elizabeth Rowland and Jason Clover
November 2013
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Losing a Loved One to Suicide
There is perhaps nothing more painful in the world
than for us to lose a loved one to suicide. A couple of
months ago, I received a letter from a woman, a
mother, who had recently lost her 28-year-old son in
this manner. The young man had been suffering
from clinical depression for nearly eight years when
he took his own life.
Her letter to me betrayed a healthy understanding (at
some deep level) of what had happened as well as
all the unhealthy fear and second-guessing we all do
when we are confronted with the suicide of a loved
one. She recognized that his death was, in the end,
due to illness (not to malice or weakness), that he
had a gentle soul, and that God understands. She
shared the intuition that her son is now in heaven. At
the same time, she worried, as we all do, whether
her son had now found peace and where, if
anywhere, she had failed him. She also worried that
her faith was not strong enough because it was not
giving her the type of consolation that she felt it
should. Her pain is deep - but it is also wide.
Thousands of parents and families and friends of
suicide victims around the world are enduring similar
pain. What’s to be said about suicide? What can be
helpful to us when we lose a loved one in this way?
There are, as for all the great mysteries of life, no
definitive answers that dissolve all pain and
questioning. But there are some important
perspectives of which we must never lose sight.
First of all, at this time in our history, for all kinds of
reasons, suicide is still perhaps the most
misunderstood of all deaths. We still tend to think
that because it is self-inflicted it is voluntary in a way
that death through physical illness or accident is not.
For most suicides, this is not true. A person dying of
suicide dies, as does the victim of physical illness or
accident, against his or her will. People die from
physical heart attacks, strokes, cancer, AIDS and
accidents. Death by suicide is the same, except that
we are dealing with an emotional heart attack, an
emotional stroke, emotional AIDS, emotional cancer
and an emotional fatality. This comparison is not an
analogy. The two kinds of heart attacks, strokes,
cancers and accidents are indeed identical. In
neither case is the person responsible for his or her
own death nor in neither case does the person leave
this world of his or her own will.
Page 5
Second, in most cases, we should not worry about
the victim’s eternal salvation. God is infinitely more
understanding than we are and God’s hands are
infinitely more gentle than ours. Imagine a loving
mother, having just given birth, welcoming her child
onto her breast for the first time, and then you will
have some image of how the suicide victim is
received into the next life.
Again, this is not an analogy. God is infinitely more
gentle, loving, understanding and motherly than even
the most perfect mother on earth. We need not worry
much when an honest, over-sensitive, gentle, overwrought and emotionally crushed person leaves this
world - even if that exit was far from ideal. However,
even given that truth, we should not expect that our
faith will take away all the pain of losing a loved one
through suicide. It is not meant to take it away, but
rather to precisely give us the sense that the one we
lost is in far gentler hands than our own and is now,
after so much pain, finally at peace. Faith gives us
insight but does not, of itself, take away the pain of
loss and death.
Finally, we the living who loved that person must
refrain from second-guessing ourselves with every
kind of haunting question: What else might I have
done? Where did I let this person down? If only I had
been there? What if . . .
We are human beings, not God. People die of illness
and accidents all the time and all the love and
attentiveness in the world sometimes cannot prevent
death. We must recognize that we are dealing with
an illness which, like cancer or heart disease, can be
terminal irrespective of every human effort to restore
health. There are sicknesses that no humans can
cure. We can grieve our inadequacy as humans, but
we are not God. Ultimately we must take consolation
in the fact that we loved as best we could and that
we have not really lost this person. He or she went
back to God.
Our job now is not to second guess, but to trust trust that God is far more gentle and understanding
than we are and that God, who is adequate, can give
this person a peace that we never could.
~Used with permission of the author, Oblate Father Ron
Rolheiser. Currently, Father Rolheiser is serving as
President of the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio
Texas. He can be contacted through his website,
www.ronrolheiser.com.
November 23, 2013 is International Survivors of Suicide Day (www.AFSP.org)
Page 6
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
November 2013
Love Gifts
Our Children Remembered
Love Gift of $75 in Kimberly’s memory from Richard,
Joshua & Jennifer Matthews Malloch lovingly donated
towards custom candle holders for the candle lighting
ceremony.
Announcements
The Compassionate Friends - Prince William Chapter
World Wide Candle Lighting Ceremony
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Doors Open at 6:00PM
Ceremony at 7:00PM
Fellowship at 7:30PM
Location: Buckhall United Methodist Church
10251 Moore Dr., Manassas, VA
Mazzy Kaya, Angel Date November 24th
As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us.
As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing
with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us.
~Sascha
In Remembrance of
Christian Ridgeway Green
Angel Date November 1st
Grief is like a long valley, a winding
valley where any bend may reveal
a totally new landscape.
~From A Grief Observed
by C. S. Lewis
A potluck fellowship will follow the ceremony. Please bring a
snack, dish, dessert or drinks to share. Candles will glow
Sunday, December 8 when tens of thousands of bereaved
parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, and friends around the
globe will join together to light remembrance candles to honor
the memories of children who have died, but will never be
forgotten. Visit our website - www.tcfprincewilliam.org - for
more information.
For the 2013 World Wide Candle Lighting Ceremony, the
Prince William Chapter of The Compassionate Friends (TCFPW) will be offering up a Memorial “Poker Chip” for sale.
This “poker chip”/memorial coin is in commemoration of the
light of the candles for our children around the world. TCF-PW
has been working closely with CombatBet, a veteran owned
company (www.combatbet.com), to design and produce this
memorial “poker chip” for TCF-PW. The “poker chip” will be
a 43mm ceramic composite chip/coin weighing 12 grams. The
price for a Memorial Chip will be a $5.00 donation to TCFPW. Coins can be purchased and picked up at the ceremony or
shipping can be arranged. Please see the TCF-PW website,
www.tcfprincewilliam.org, for more information on the coin
and to purchase.
In addition, the TCF-PW Chapter will be offering up memorial
lighted lanterns, with custom pictures of our children in the
glass panes, for sale for the 2013 World Wide Candle Lighting
Ceremony. These lanterns were donated to the TCF-PW
Chapter as a love gift by Jonathan Pruett and Kelly Sullivan in
memory of Mazzy Kaya Williams and will be offered for a
donation of $15.00 to all bereaved parents or anyone who
wishes a special memorial gift in remembrance of a special
child. These lanterns will be available for pickup at the
ceremony or by special arrangement at one of our meetings.
Please see the TCF-PW website, www.tcfprincewilliam.org, for
more information on the lantern and to purchase.
For more information on TCF-Prince William Chapter,
please visit us at www.tcfprincewilliam.org
November 2013
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 7
Thankful Heart
Did you know that it is possible to be thankful even though your
son or daughter has died? There are many blessings in everyday
things that we all take for granted and just assume should be
ours. We can become thankful for these things and make it
become part of our life; our new life we are given in our
children’s death. In this a healing can take place. I’m not saying
it’s easy. Sometimes, in fact, it is very hard. But, maybe it is
time to take a look at things differently and be thankful for them.
A thank you may not always come from the heart but rather
from the head. It may not always be spontaneous, but sometimes
require a deliberate effort. Sometimes I can end up changing my
whole attitude by forcing myself to think up something, however
small, to be thankful for. I can start out feeling down and
depressed and bring myself up into a much more pleasant frame
of mind. Just as people grieve differently, there are no set rules.
What to be thankful for can vary from person to person. I
generally start with little things and work my way up. A new life
has formed within me as a result of my daughter’s dying, and I
vow to make it a positive change. One of growth and advantage
in respect of her life and as a tribute to her. I’m thankful for her,
for what she’s meant to me and for what her dying has meant to
me. Yes, I miss her and think of her every day and sometimes
wonder what it would be like to have her here. I imagine all the
joy that I’m missing because she’s not here. I feel the pain of her
absence. It would be better and I’d rather have her here, of
course. Sometimes I think it’s unfair and miss her more and
more each day. There is a hurt that will never go away
completely until I see her again. But, at the same time, I can be
thankful for things I do have. If I can only think of just one little
thing each day and think about that, as the days go by, my list
will grow and so will I.
~Bart Netzke, TCF New Ulm, MN
Light a Special Candle
Not in memory of a death, but in celebration of a life and a love
shared! Never forget that once someone loved us and we loved
back. No one can deny that gift exchange!
Plan Ahead
Grieving people often experience a lack of concentration. Make
lists. Prioritize everything. Decide what is really important.
Redefine Expectations
Be honest in what you expect to be able to do. We live in a
world of oughts and shoulds and suffer from guilt because we
cannot meet our own expectations. You can’t buy away grief,
although you might be tempted to try.
Be Kind and Gentle to Self
Figure out what you should do, balance it against what you are
capable of doing and then compromise. Forgive yourself for
living when your loved one died.
~Taken from Low Fat, Lite Holidays by Darcie Sims
Of Thanks
As the fourth Thanksgiving approaches since Kevin’s death, I
look back at the first one. My thought at that time consisted of,
“I will not pray and give thanks for anything to anyone.” The
main thing on my mind was my son. I couldn’t give thanks for
his short life or his death. I had lived a fairly decent life, and this
was my payment. Now as I look over those many hours and
days that have passed I have many thoughts and thank-yous.
• I give thanks for being me.
• I give thanks for where our family is and for those who are still
here to sit around the table.
• I give thanks for my husband who deserves a medal for
withstanding my sharp and despairing tongues.
• I give thanks for my daughter who does light up my light with
each dawn.
• I give thanks for our parents who are able to understand me
and my life.
• I give thanks for my friends who were able to be there in my
sorrow and now share some of my joys.
• I give thanks for all my Compassionate Friends old and new;
without them I wouldn’t be holding this pen.
• I gave thanks that the painful grief has passed.
• I give thanks for the almost “whole” feelings I now
experience.
• I give thanks for our Kevin and for what he has given to us in
both life and death.
But mostly, I give thanks for today.
~Patrice Barwood, TCF Stanford, CT
Note: The Annual Candle Lighting will be held
on Saturday, December 14th. We will then go to
a local restaurant for a late lunch/early dinner.
Nancy Vollmer will send out further
information via email.
Page 8
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
The article below, written by well-known writer and speaker,
Darcie Sims, is about her family’s first Thanksgiving following
the death of her son, Austin. As I read it I kept thinking so true,
so true. I believe I identified with every thought. For me, it is as
true this tenth year after Darrin’s death as it was year one.
Thanksgiving Blessings to all.
~Veronica Stubbs, TCF Washington, DC
Thanks for the Little While
It was a long time ago, our first holiday season with the
empty chair. It was dark and cold, but everything was
ready. The table was set, the turkey cooked, the candles lit
and the seats filled – except one. I stood at the kitchen sink
and wondered how I was going to act as the cheery hostess
to family and friends who had gathered to celebrate
Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving! What was there to be thankful for this year?
It had been a year of struggle, each day being worse than
the last until they all had just blurred into a nightmare.
Whoever said, “Time heals all wounds” had never been as
mortally wounded as I had! Time had healed nothing! In
fact, I think I was suffering more as the weeks and months
went by. It was as if I had been frozen in the early days
and weeks after the death and only now, months later, was
I beginning to thaw. And as I began to defrost out of my
icy numbness, it only seemed to hurt more. That didn’t
make sense, but it was true.
And now, the holiday season had arrived and that only
served to send me deeper into the gloom. I found myself
wanting to hide, to cancel family gatherings. I wanted to
run away. I did not want to shop for gifts, and I certainly
did not want to send holiday greetings. A snarl or a frown
swept over my face more often than a cheery holiday
hello.
I kept thinking of all the things I would never enjoy again:
the smell of Mom’s pumpkin pie, the happy chatter around
the table as Dad carved the turkey, the sweet silliness of
his happy grin. The list of what I was missing grew longer
and longer each day that I survived. Every day brought
new discoveries of the most painful kind.
I kept seeing empty spaces at the table and feeling empty
spaces in my heart. It seemed to hurt more now than it did
earlier in my grief. Surely I must be slipping into insanity!
I thought it was supposed to get better, not worse!
I had tried to cancel the family celebration, but they
wouldn’t hear of it! I tried passing off certain family
“chores” to other members and once in a while that
worked. I decided not to send holiday greetings to anyone,
and my gift shopping was limited to catalog browsing and
telephone ordering.
November 2013
I couldn’t bear the mall crowds, the noise and that
horrible, happy holiday music everywhere! Every time I
went out, I felt as though I had been assaulted by the
Holiday Spirit. The only thing that seemed to sparkle for
me were the tears that left little icy streaks across my
cheek once in awhile.
I even tried to move, but the family voted to come to my
house for the turkey dinner, and so, now, they were
gathering in the dining room, waiting for the festivities to
begin. The turkey was stuffed, the pies baked, the gravy
lump free as best I could without Mother’s gentle
guidance. But, there was little Thanksgiving or holiday
spirit within me. Thank heavens I didn’t have to come up
with a blessing to say this day!
It is a tradition in our family for the youngest at the table
to say the blessing. And so it fell to our six-year-old
daughter, now an “only child” to find some words of
thanksgiving to share with the ever-growing-smaller
family around the table. She refused, of course, adding
more stress to an already impossible day. Finally, at the
last moment, alone with me in our kitchen, she sighed and
relented. “But I will only say grace at dessert,” she said.
“Good enough,” I said with relief. I had always been
thankful for dessert – just like my dad, her grandpa!
It was a quiet meal, filled with awkward moments and
many sniffled tears. After the pie was served, our daughter
asked us to join hands in a circle (ala Walton style) and
she looked around the table, giving each one of us a full
moment of her gaze. Then, she drew a long breath and
said, in her small, but clear, child voice, “Thanks for the
little while…”
Ahhhh! What other words could have said so much! It
took a child to remind us of the moments we did have!
We each loved someone, and someone loved us. Find
those memories and cherish them. Remember first that
they lived, not that they died. I want to remember the life,
not just the death!
Live through the hurt so that joy can return to warm your
heart. No matter which holiday it is for you, and no matter
the season of your grief, say thank you for a life well lived
and loved. It wasn’t long enough – it never would have
been. But it was a little while.
They lived. We loved them. We still do. Thanks for the
little while.
~Darcie Sims, November 2003
Reprinted - TCF Northern Virginia
and DC Chapters Newsletter
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
November 2013
Page 9
Resources
TCF National Conference 2014
Save The Date
Survivors of Suicide
www.survivorsofsuicide.com
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.afsp.org
888-333-2377
Parents of Murdered Children
www.pomc.com
888-818-7662
Haven of Northern Virginia
www.havenofnova.org
703-941-7000
CrisisLink
www.crisislink.org
703-527-4077
SHARE (pregnancy & infant loss support)
www.nationalshare.org
The Compassionate Friends is pleased to announce
that Chicago, IL will be the site of the 37th TCF
National Conference July 11-13, 2014.
“Miles of Compassion through The Winds of Hope” is
the theme of next year’s event which promises more of
this year's great national conference experience,
which ended in Boston to a standing ovation at the
Sunday closing.
The 2014 conference will be held at the Hyatt Regency
O’Hare right near the airport. We’ll keep you updated
with details here, on the national website as well as on
our TCF/USA Facebook Page and elsewhere as they
become available. Plan to come and be a part of this
heartwarming experience!
800-821-6819
MISS Foundation (pregnancy/infant loss support)
www.missfoundation.org. (national)
www.dcmissfoundation.org (local chapter)
Roberta Quick
703-728-8446
Washington Regional Transplant Community
www.beadonor.org
703-641-0100
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255 (TALK)
Other helpful websites:
www.griefnet.org
www.goodgrief.org
www.thebereavementjourney.com
www.griefwatch.com
www.journeyofhearts.org
www.bereavedparentsusa.org
www.healingheart.net
www.childrenofdome.com
www.spacebetweenbreaths.com
www.holdingontolove.com
www.griefhaven.com
 www.centerforloss.com
Comments from Compassionate Friends who
attended the 34th National Conference held in
Minneapolis:
“This conference was life changing for me -- my
daughter died last year. Thank you to everyone that
made my experience possible.”
“The conference was great as usual. It is great to have
a place like the National Conference to be ourselves.
The unfortunate part is going home and back to the
real world.”
“Attending the conference was the best thing I could
have done for myself. It’s a vacation with my son that I
will take every year!!!”
“I attended my first conference and it was one of the
best things I have ever done. The friends I made were
incredible and the feeling throughout the whole
weekend was so healing. I never thought I would have
to belong to such a club, but am grateful it is there to
help. Thank you TCF!”
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 10
Ross Church
Nov 2
Ronda Lawrence Noyer
Nov 2
Sasha Burakow
Nov 3
Joseph L. Sloan Jr.
Nov 3
Allie Grimsley
Nov 4
Michael Titunik
Nov 5
Mary Margaret “Molly”
Moriarty
Richelle Chante Brisbon
Buffy Durand
Pat & Phil Church
Allen & Louise Lawrence
Robert & Shelly Lawrence
Diane & Nick Burakow
Joseph & Gloria Sloan
Jamie Pompelly &
John Grimsley
Steve & Margie Titunik
Nov 7
Nov 8
Mary Frances Moriarty &
Tim Moriarty
Vivian Dewberry
Dottie Lambert
Jon Hansen Jr.
Tony Milin
Nov 9
Nov 9
Jean Ballard
Ruth &d Al Milin
Fernando Molleda
Nov 9
Elia & Oscar Molleda
LaShaun Maria Parker
Nov 9
Lori & Barbara Parker
Claire Alexis Sachse
Nov 9
Kathleen & Brett Sachse
Michael DiToro
Nov 10
Cathy DiToro
Erin Aurora Navarrette
Nov 11
Luis & Julie Navarrette
Eric Monday
Nov 12
Christopher Shawn Yost
Nov 12
Penny Rossi
Mary Ellen &
Dennis Sullivan
Alex Burke
Nov 13
Sharon Burke
Raymond Sniffen
Nov 13
Elaina Orkins
Laura Elizabeth Schultz
Nov 15
Frederick & Nancy Schultz
Brian Frederick Scott
Nov 15
Frederick & Anita Scott
Nov 6
November 2013
Sarah Watson
Nov 15
Margaret Watson
Katrina Nelson
Nov 17
Lila & Mark Nelson
Christopher L. McGaha
Nov 17
Richard & Selma Brown
Don R. Poehler Jr.
Nov 17
Richard & Evelyn West
Patricia June “PJ” Allen
Nov 18
Henry Allen
Christian “CJ” Crum
Nov 18
Curtis Crum
Darnell Gregory Gunter
Nov 18
Olivia Gunter
Barry Mitchell Lawrence
Nov 18
Allen & Louise Lawrence
Rakea Parker
Nov 19
Rakia Parker
Taylor Isao Hubbard
Nov 21
Nels Oley Roningen
Nov 22
John Joseph Mullins
Nov 23
Kay & Wayne Hubbard
Vern & Jane Roningen
Anne Roningen
Margaret A. Mullins
Philip Bellis
Nov 24
Evelyn Bellis
XB Cox IV
Nov 24
Kelly & XB Cox
Callie Theerman
Nov 26
Elizabeth Pickett
Tyler Bentley
Nov 28
Nancy & Bob Bentley
Julia Grace Childress
Nov 30
Jenny Childress
Elizabeth Rose Coggins
Nov 30
Ernie & Diane Coggins
Ben McGinn
Nov 30
Lynn Barron
Sophia Meagher
Nov 30
Johanna & Keith Meagher
Bryan Allen Reynolds
Nov 30
Kandice & Ethan Reynolds
Please contact your local chapter leadership about any errors or omissions.
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
November 2013
Lesley Garelick
Nov 1
Stephanie Dziekan
Everett Allan
Nov 2
Annie McCann
Nov 2
Joseph L. Sloan Jr.
Nov 4
Scott & Heather Allan
Mary Jane Malinchak
McCann
Joseph & Gloria Sloan
Kimberly Heather Adams
Nov 5
Kenneth & Susan Adams
Douglas Chambers
Angel Charlene Gaines
Fri B Geh
Nov 6
Nov 6
Nov 6
Jean Rosenbluth
Melissa Gaines
Annunciatta & George Geh
Taitlyn Shae Hughes
Nov 6
Nicole Siva
Rachel Kaplan
Nov 6
Glenn & Robin Kaplan
Collin Bedford Parker
Nanette Simon
Bryan Weed
Lauren Beverly Gover
Cindy Kerr
Darren Morrell
Craig Matthew Shultz
Kathleen Johnson
Suzanne “Suzi”
Robertson
Melissa Kirschbaum
Coleman
Daniel Joseph Pawlak
Nov 7
Nov 7
Nov 7
Nov 8
Nov 8
Nov 8
Nov 9
Nov 10
Allie Parker
Stephanie Nottingham
Karen & Jim Weed
Anne Marie Gover
Monica Clark
Dave & Cindy Morrell
Barbara Shultz
Jean Driscoll
Nov 10
Patricia Robertson
Nov 11
Marti & Ira Kirschbaum
Nov 11
Debbie & Joe Pawlak
Andrew Rutkowski
Bryan Sean Miller
Nov 11
Nov 12
Pam & Mark Rutkowski
Roger & Mindy LaBruno
Kelly Monahan
Nov 13
Mary & Dan Monahan
Marlee Rae Treger
Nov 13
Paula & Steve Treger
Page 11
Joshua Ryan Lutz Leven
Nov 14
Yvonne & Brett Leven
Taylor Erin Thomasson
Nov 14
William Thomasson
Paul Fredericks
Connor Murray
Tiffany Wampler
Nov 15
Nov 16
Nov 16
Joan Fredericks
Erin & Eric Murray
Joan & Bob Wampler
Lauryn Elizabeth Grapski
Nov 17
Kathy & Ed Grapski
Benjamin (Jamie) Cecil
Christopher Michael
Diegelmann
Darren McKeever
Nov 18
Joe Cecil
Nov 19
Denise & Mike Diegelmann
Nov 19
Andres A. Yelicie
Nov 19
Joshua Newman
Victoria Benjamin
Angela Fay (Wojtowicz)
Jewell
Sarah Louise Farrel
Jennifer Masters
Nov 20
Nov 22
Nov 23
Nov 23
Cecelia & Mac McKeever
Maria Christina & Fedor
Yelicie
Brad & Sherri Newman
Philip & Regina Benjamin
Ed & Fay Wojtowicz
John Wojtowicz
Betty Farrel
Ronald & Betty Masters
Tyler Bentley
Nov 24
Nancy & Bob Bentley
Leslie Ann Conners
Nov 24
Jay & Audrey Conners
Andrea Dawn Reece
Nov 24
Alison Elizabeth Nichols
Nov 25
Scott Peters
Nov 25
Stephen & Diane Reece
Mark Nichols
Karen & Ted Nichols
Bill & Jennifer Peters
Mary Diane Nagy
Nov 26
Diane & Dave Nagy
Angela May Shiluarzo
Nov 26
Janet Itambo
Nov 26
Kent & Karen Womack
Nov 27
Elaine Anzevino
Sierra Grace Tickner
Nov 29
Steve Tickner
Michael Titunik
Nov 30
Steve & Margie Titunik
Joanna Womack
Youngblood
Aaron Anzevino Pitman
Nov 22
Please contact your local chapter leadership about any errors or omissions.
The Compassionate Friends
c/o Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 North 16th Street
Arlington, VA 22205
Address Service Requested
“Every one can master a grief but he that has it.”
~William Shakespeare
The Mission of The Compassionate Friends: When a child dies, at any
age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The
Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to
every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a
sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
November 2013