Gloria Steinem - Why Men Earn More

Gloria Steinem:
From Pioneer to Bioneer
A Personal View of Her Ongoing Legacy
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"" =1B=03@ To younger women hearing her speak at the
Bioneers Conference in Marin in October,
Gloria Steinem is a bioneer. She is also a feminist pioneer.
Some 40 years ago, I was the anomalous man
who had been elected to the board of the New
York City chapter of the National Organization for Women. Gloria was the leader who, in
Father Knows Best days, was transforming the
image of the women’s movement from radical
and bra-burning lesbians (before lesbian was
a net plus) to one of innovative and balanced
thinkers. Although Gloria’s words were more
radical than Betty Friedan’s, her style evaporated fear in men like sun evaporates fog over
the San Francisco Bay.
I was relieved, because I too was serving a
purpose for the women’s movement: an antidote to the image of feminists as man-haters,
the possibility that “male feminist” was not as
oxymoronic as “jumbo shrimp.” Gloria opened
ears that could hear my voice.
Slowly, I was getting to know Gloria personally, from doing TV shows hosted by her
friend Alan Alda, to giving keynotes at the
same conventions. With that territory came
the friendship of dozens of liberal leaders, or
“progressives.” (We liberals like to monopolize
the word progressive even as we recoil at conservatives monopolizing words like patriotic.)
Many liberal leaders had in common a “love
of the people” but with a shadow side perhaps
best expressed by the ’70s Broadway musical
Hair: “People who care about strangers … social injustice … the bleeding crowd … but not
a needing friend.”
Gloria was different. It was—and still is—
typical of speakers with the degree of international fame Gloria had garnered to “talk and
disappear”—to be available only to reporters,
sponsors, and those who could help their stars
rise as they are protected in their journey from
stage to exit by the only-too-happy-to-benear-the-celebrity bodyguards. Not Gloria.
Following our talks at the University of Utah,
Gloria agreed—with neither hesitation nor
condescension—to a reception that included
people who were not in a position to benefit
her: the students. I can recall Gloria being surrounded by one student talking and four other
women waiting. Instead of listening dutifully,
Gloria listened to each as if no one else mattered. As if to say, “Each of you has something
to offer—something that, by sharing with me,
will allow me to share with others and therefore allow you to be a contributor to women’s
progress.”
Unlike most celebrities, in an era when the
names of women who married disappeared into
men’s names, when marriage meant a wife’s
politics morphed into her husband’s, when
neither the mom nor the dust she cleaned was
seen, Gloria “got it”—she got that the question a woman was asking her was merely her
vehicle to be seen by Gloria, who herself was
merely a vehicle in women’s progress.
Gloria got that the answer to a woman’s
question was secondary—that an answer could
be found in a book. Gloria sensed that each
woman’s question reflected an experience that
Gloria could ratify as valid. As she gave each
woman the gift of ratification, Gloria allowed
each woman to feel seen.
But Gloria was creating more than a gift to
women. She was a pioneer in the creation of
the gift to the world of women.
Accomplishing this called upon more than
Gloria’s interpersonal skills; it also tapped
her political skills. Political skills resting on a
foundation of knowing how our psychological brains are invested in the status quo even
when they might benefit from adaptation to
new possibilities.
In the political realm, while Gloria was “at
one” with women, the working class, gays, and
the poor—whom she perceived as similarly
oppressed—she was comfortable enough with
men and the wealthy to be playfully persuasive—persuasive enough to shoot an arrow
they thought was from Cupid that opened
their minds, often their pocketbooks, and occasionally their hearts.
While Gloria would be the first to offer that
she was “just the right person in the right place
at the right time,” she and the millions who
fought with her have left a legacy that is as difficult for a young bioneer to fully appreciate as
a world without microchips.
I witness that combined legacy every day. I
watch millions of married women who become
pregnant decide whether to work full time, be
with their children full time, or do some combination without having to feel a social penalty
for their choice. I watch gay women express
themselves rather than repress themselves. I
watch women in industrialized countries be
able to go on a spiritual journey to discover
who they are with respectful regard—but not
controlling regard—for the values of their
heritage. I meet women—whether Oprah or
Hillary—who are recognizable to the world
by their first names. I am married to a woman
with her own name and her own business.
And when I tour a school (in preparation for
writing a book on boys) and see girls playing
sports—and therefore preparing to play life—
in a way that was unthinkable when I went to
school, my eyes fill with tears of joy.
Every legacy fulfilled—or even partially
fulfilled—leaves us able to focus on new opportunities. Prior to the women’s movement,
women learned to row on only the right side of
the family boat—raise children; men learned
to row on only the left side of the family boat—
raise money. The women’s movement helped
women also row on the left side of the family
boat—to raise money. But no movement taught
our sons to row on the right side of the family boat—raise children. The problem is, when
women row on the left, and men can only row
on the left, the family boat goes in circles.
Now we have an opportunity for a generation, including bioneers, to fulfill one of Gloria’s unfulfilled goals: “What the world needs is
more father.” Something Gloria, like our president, missed. Nothing, I sense, would make
Gloria prouder today than inspiring young
leadership to raise young men who can help
raise their children—young men our daughters can be proud to love.
Dr. Warren Farrell is the only man in the US
to have been elected three times to the board of
the NYC chapter of NOW. He has started more
than 300 men and women’s groups (joined by
men from John Lennon to John Gray), and appeared in the media more than 1,000 times. His
books include Why Men Are the Way they Are,
Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, and
Father and Child Reunion. The Financial Times
named him one of the world’s top 100 thought
leaders. He has two daughters and lives with
his wife in Mill Valley. WarrenFarrell.com
Gloria Steinem will be a keynote speaker at the
2011 Bioneers Conference/Women’s Leadership
Program (Marin Civic Center, Oct. 14–16).
Bioneers.org
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