Gwinnett Chapter - Summer 2014 - The Compassionate Friends of

The Compassionate Friends is a mutual
assistance, self-help organization offering
friendship, understanding and
hope to bereaved families. Anyone who has experienced
the death of a child of any age, from any cause, is
welcome. Our meetings give parents an opportunity to
talk about their child and about their feelings as they
walk the grief journey. There is no religious affiliation.
There are no membership dues. The purpose of this
support group is not to focus on the cause of death or the
age of the child, as it is to focus on being a bereaved
parent, along with the feelings and issues that evolve
around the death experience of a child.
LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA
GWINNETT CHAPTER NEWSLETTER
Meg Avery, Editor
Summer 2014
June, July and August
September, October & November
A non-denominational self-help support group
offering friendship, understanding and hope to
bereaved families who have experienced the
death of a child at any age, from any cause.
TCF Transitions
“When a child dies at any age, the family suffers
intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated.
The Compassionate Friends provides highly
personal comfort, hope and support to every family
experiencing the death of a son or daughter, brother
or sister, or grandchild, and helps others better assist
the grieving family.”
CHAPTER MEETING AND CONTACT INFO:
Gwinnett Chapter- 7:30 PM on the 3rd Thursday
of every month. next meetings: June 19, July
17 and August 21.
Trinity Christian Fellowship, 1985 Old
Fountain Road, Lawrenceville, 30043.
We meet in the 100 Building, the first building on
your left.
For TCF Gwinnett: contact June Cooper by phone
770-757-4927, or email [email protected] or
[email protected]
TCF Atlanta website: www.tcfatlanta.org
GA Regional Coordinator Sandra Stinson,
[email protected]
The Compassionate Friends National Office:
1-877-969-0010
www.thecompassionatefriends.org
Dear Friends,
The Gwinnett Newsletter is available both in print and by email. If you have received this issue in print and would prefer
to receive e-mail instead, please notify us at
[email protected]. This will help keep our postage and
printing costs down. We welcome your suggestions to
improve our chapter newsletter.
We would love your input for the newsletter, Poetry, articles
and comments submitted by parents, siblings and grandparents
are an import part of each issue. Our next issue, Autumn 2014
will cover the months of September, October & November.
We will also continue to recognize birthday and anniversary
dates as times of special remembrance within our TCF family.
Please communicate these important dates to us if you have
not already done so.
1
TCF Gwinnett Chapter has more changes ahead! As
we all know, life can change in an instant and we
learn how to navigate those welcome, and
unwelcome, new beginnings. What a blessing our
TCF support is here to offer each other hope,
understanding & friendship which needs to continue
for the long-term.
Chapter Leader Candace Jordan has announced that
she has accepted a wonderful new job as Assistant
Manager of the Marietta Metro Extended Stay,
which requires her to live on site, starting June 9th.
Therefore, it is with great regret that Candace is
resigning as Chapter Leader of TCF Gwinnett. As
bereaved parents, we understand the “bittersweet”
moments in life and our steering committee shares in
Candace’s excitement for her new position, but also
we are sad to see her leave. Candace has given
much of her time, dedication & heart to the Gwinnett
Chapter and hopes to be able to leave with the
leadership in good, capable hands. The steering
committee will be stepping in to help at the monthly
meetings, but it is essential that the leadership be
turned over very soon to either a chapter leader or a
team of two co-leaders. According to the bylaws of
the national organization, each chapter must have a
leader who can offer organization, guidance and
support to the steering committee and new members.
This is not a demanding, full-time volunteer
position! We need a leader or 2 co-leaders who
currently are, or have been, TCF members and are
willing to lead TCF Gwinnett to insure the continued
growth & progress of this chapter. Without
leadership, the chapter will not be able to offer the
resources and support that newly bereaved parents
need. We hope that as you are reading this, you will
give serious consideration to giving back to TCF.
Newly bereaved parents receive help from TCF and
parents who have walked many seasons on this grief
journey are a valuable inspiration & assistance to all
parents. Please call Candace at 678-499-9587 to
ask any questions and find out more information.
Life did not prepare me for August 15, 2001. In one
moment on a very ordinary day, the world as I knew
it inexplicably changed. I answered the phone to the
panicked voice of a friend telling me that my 18year-old and only daughter Ashley had been killed
in an automobile accident. Little did I know that this
one single moment in time would become the
demarcation point in my life. Time just stopped, I
felt frozen and in disbelief, I was paralyzed and in
shock.
what we can do to help ourselves or others when a
loved one dies or when we face the grief that comes
from a divorce or other losses, such as a job,
mobility, health, or our independence. My inability
to cope caused me to reach out and seek support.
Living My Life, Honoring My
Love for Ashley
I first reached out to my local chapter of The
Compassionate Friends, a peer-to-peer support
group for parents, grandparents, and siblings after a
child in their family has died. The first monthly
meeting I attended helped so much. I met others
walking this same journey who validated my
feelings and who understood my pain. It was there
when I learned that I did not have to walk this
journey alone and where I found the hope to believe
that I could survive. My group of new
compassionate friends became my trusted family
who were willing to walk with me and hurt with me
for as long as I would need.
Somehow I stumbled through the fog and within a
few days of Ashley’s death, we gathered together
family, friends, music, and food for what we were
calling a celebration of Ashley’s life. I spoke with
calm and clarity at Ashley’s service and spent hours
hugging and comforting those who attended. Shock
is an amazing anesthetic when you are in deep and
early grief as it allows you to function. People
commented on how strong I was that day. Little did
they know that just a few months later, I would
become nearly incapacitated by the trauma of my
grief.
I also sought support from a 12-week grief
education program. It was here that I learned what
grief really is, what it does to our lives, and how it
affects us mentally, emotionally, physically, and
spiritually. Ashley’s death has left me with much
unfinished emotional business, and this program
helped me to process my pain in constructive ways.
My Mind, My Heart, My Spirit,
My Body Were Broken
Shock kept me from fully feeling the magnitude of
my loss, but in time shock gave way to the reality of
all that I was facing. Grief wore me down until I
became a shell of the man I once was. My mind was
broken, leaving it scattered and unable to focus. My
heart was broken because it hurt so badly I could
barely breathe. Grief broke my spirit because it
made me question God and anything good in this
life. Grief broke my body by zapping it of its energy
and leaving me with aches and pains.
My grief work was hard work, but it began paying
off as I was able to emerge from the darkness a
stronger person with a clear focus on helping others.
Grief has been a transformational teacher. Grief
taught me to live in the moment, to value each
friendship and relationship, to cherish the gift I am
given each day to love and to be loved. Grief taught
me to honor the love I will always have for Ashley
(pictured at right) by living my life.
Well-meaning family and friends were of little help
as I spiraled deeper into the darkest days of my
grief. I began to choose isolation over confrontation
with those who would marginalize my struggle by
suggesting that I take comfort in the fact that God
has another angel or that Ashley is in a better place.
I began to wonder if I was crazy.
Today I am proud to serve as the executive director
of The Compassionate Friends/USA. With nearly
700 chapters and a highly visible Web site and
online presence, we are able to offer support and
hope to nearly 750,000 grieving individuals who
access one of our services each year.
Like most people, I had very little understanding at
that time about what grief is, and the real and
devastating impact it can have on those of us who
are thrust into its path. Many of us do not know
Alan Pederson, TCF Director & Ashley’s dad
2
WE REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS
The light of life never goes out, and so we remember
their birthdays
August
Calvin Joel Duda…. Aug. 3
Jessica & Von Justin Windsor… Aug. 3rd
Daniel Green….Aug. 5th
Gabrielle Pierre Louis…. Aug. 6th
Clint Price…..Aug. 6th
Ronald Bruce West…. Aug. 6th
Jacob Meadows….Aug. 10th
Amanda Sullivan…. Aug. 14th
Stephen Owens…. Aug. 14th
Wendy McMain….Aug. 18th
Justin Evans….Aug. 19th
Ryan Gilbride …. Aug. 19th
Jarod Robert Wills….Aug. 22nd
Todd Wehunt….Aug. 23rd
Edward Leonard Stempien….Aug. 24th
Gavin Burke…. August 24th
Jeremy James White…. Aug. 25th
Rachael Fouquet…. Aug. 25th
Michael LaVierge….Aug. 27th
Brittany Hopkins … Aug. 28th
Brian Hatchett… Aug. 29th
June
Justin Todd Stephens… June 1st
Xavier Hayes… June 6th
Natascha Roebuck…. June 6th
Jamie Ann Quillen…. June 7th
Emanuel Mitchell…June 10th
Scott Michael Malone…. June 17th
Britney Knoch…. June 17th
Matthew Jones….June 19th
Mitchell Dean Orr…. June 19th
Christopher Reed…. June 22nd
Josiah Murphy… June 23rd
Christian Nicolae Moise…. June 24th
Stephen Varzaly…June 24th
Joseph Beatty…. June 25th
Nathan Self…. June 25th
Ryan Michael Sharp…. June 26th
Brian Devine…. June 26th
Adam Lee Jones…. June 27th
Jessica Rose Riley…. June 29th
July
Monta Hunt “Tay” …July 1st
Adyson Claire Smith…. July 1st
Amanda Lynn Harned…July 6th
Rileigh-Jacqueline Clebert…. July 7th
Amanda Heath…. July 8th
Bristol Kempton….July 8th
Bailey Amanda Kempton…. July 9th
Justin Cates…. July 12th
James R. Avery, III…. July 15th
Johnathan England…. July 17th
Christopher Gabriel Patton…. July 17th
Fara “Nicole” Choate…. July 27th
Adam Sawyer…July 28th
Michael Clayborne Montgomery….. July 29th
Noreen Keenan…. July 29th
Monique Marlowe….July 29th
Genna Watson…. July 30th
Arnesa Darlene Royster…. July 31st
Birthday Invitation
Every month we have a Birthday
Table and you are warmly invited to
please come share your child’s
birthday with us when his/her
birthday is that month. This is your chance to tell
us a favorite story, or share a poem or thoughts
that either you or your child wrote or whatever
remembrance you choose in memory of your child.
Our child’s or grandchild’s or sibling’s birthday will
forever be a very special day and we at TCF know
how important that day is and how helpful and
healing it can be to share with others.
Please plan on attending the meeting of your child’s
birthday and filling our Birthday Table with pictures
and/or mementos. You are also more than
welcome to bring his/her favorite snacks.
3
June, July & August
Anniversaries
So that their lives may always shine, our children are
remembered. As long as we live, they too shall live for
they are part of us in our memories
June 1st
June 2nd
June 6th
June 8th
June 10th
June 12th
June 13th
Richie Petzel
Nathanael Tate
Xavier Hayes
Billy Foulke
Mia Penoyer
Heather Helms
Bailey Amanda Kempton
June 14th
June 16th
June 16th
June 18th
June 20th
June 23rd
June 28th
Linda Strauss
Matthew Hinson
Richie Yee
Scott Michael Malone
Cory Bute
Josiah Murphy
Angelo Larocca “Al”
July 3rd
July 4th
July 4th
July 5th
July 12th
July 12th
July 13th
July 14th
July 19th
July 20th
July 23rd
July 23rd
July 28th
July 28th
July 30th
Aaron Stephens
Jennifer Hardy
Jeremy James White
Kyle Harrison
Stephen Varzaly
Genna Watson
Jonathan Ayers
Michael Dunn
Misty Autumn Dubose
Bristol Kimpton
Christopher Boyd
Amanda Heath
Noreen Keenan
Melissa Morrow
Ronald “Scott” Long
August 1st
August 1st
August 3rd
August 5th
August 9th
August 9th
August 11th
August 13th
August 19th
August 20th
August 21st
August 21st
August 22nd
August 24th
August 27th
August 28th
August 30th
August 31st
August 2012
4
David Arthur Braund
Brett Lykins
Jessica & Von Justin Windsor
Michael Clayborne Montgomery
Blake Hinson
Calvin Joel Duda
Clint Price
Chris Morrow
John Andrew Sims
Emanuel Mitchell
Jenny Gryzinski
Brent Rose
Jeffrey Lopilato
Jessica Norwood
Trevor Aaron Jones
Ryan Michael Sharp
Amanda Lynn Harned
Todd Wehunt
Chelsea Hutchinson
Father’s Day
Fireworks
Warm and sunny day in June
Father’s Day
Children, small and grown
Give gifts to father
Say thanks to father
Say I Love You.
But there are fathers
Whose children are not her
To give gifts and say thanks
And say I Love you.
Remember the fathers
Whose children are gone,
Because they always will be
Fathers at heart.
You used to run around with a sparkler in your hand,
pretending you were a Minute Man or a Patriot
drummer. It didn’t matter, there was time for all.
You’d wrap a rag around your head and take your toy
drum, and tromp around the yard. Whatever you
were on those wonderful nights, you loved it!
And we watched and laughed as you waved your tiny
flag, thinking maybe you were the one who really
understood what we celebrated.
Now the drum is gone and no one gets sparklers any
more. The yard is quiet on the Fourth of July. Do
you still march and play the drum for others?
By Sascha Wagner from her book “Wintersun”
Author unknown
Dear Amy
If you were here, I would tell you that I am
enjoying life for us, living for the moment and
loving life as you did.
If you were here, I would tell you that I
embraced the pain, moved through it, and now
sedate myself with beautiful memories of you.
If you were here, I would tell you that I can
now count the gifts of friendship, love, and
support that I have received as a result of your
death.
If you were here, I would tell you how you
continue to be there when a special loving
touch is needed.
If you were here, I would tell you that I have
learned that sharing our story and helping
others has healed my broken heart.
If you were here, I would tell you that I now
listen with my heart and feel you near to me
and know that we shall be together again.
Amy, I believe that God would be satisfied with
the quilt that I have made from the pieces of
our life and love.
THE BOYS & GIRLS OF SUMMER
The boys and girls of summer,
No longer in our sight
Those sun-kissed happy faces
Now fill our dreams at night.
Long years ago they played and swam
Their laughter echoed along the lake.
Fishing, camping and firelight talks,
Youthful dreams of the life they’d make.
Those boys and girls of summer,
Now swim on a distant shore.
The memory of their faces,
Bring summer’s joy to the fore.
Boys and girls of another time,
Now crowd the sands at the lake.
Laughing, splashing, in sun and spray,
Unaware of hearts that watch and ache.
~ Arleen Simmonds
By Howard Hill, in memory of his daughter, Amy
5
Summer Memories
Summertime is a happy time for most people in this
country: vacations, holidays, family reunions, relaxed
days at the pool, evenings in the backyard talking with
family and friends, the smell of a fresh rain, the long
days, the cooling nights, fresh mown grass and flowers
that bloom profusely. Despite Houston’s heat, summer
has become a treasured time for me. My son was a child
of summer. Born in May, he loved the summer sun on
his face and the wind in his hair as he first rode a
tricycle, then a bicycle, then drove a car. Those were
wonderful times for him. The summer solstice on June
21 was a favorite day for us both. Since the summer
solstice is the longest day of the year, Todd particularly
loved to watch the sunrise and sunset. I found myself
doing that again this year. As I looked at the sun
directly overhead at noon (1:00 DST) I made the
comment that this is the one perfectly balanced day of
the year. Later as I watched a beautiful solstice sunset, I
remarked to my husband about the light…the gorgeous
light. I was seeing Todd in that light. He was laughing,
chasing lightening bugs, running and spinning and
turning, filled with the joy of summer. He was happy.
I listened to the neighbors’ children playing, and I
thought about all the wonderful summer days I had spent
with my son. I am thankful that I had that time. I am
thankful that my child was a son of summer. He found
much joy in nature, in the outdoors, in activities that
took him out of the ordinary and into the sublime.
That’s how it is for bereaved parents. We eventually
come to a place where we realize that our joyful
memories have overtaken the pain of the loss of our
child to death. We wouldn’t trade the time we shared
with our children for anything or any other experience.
We have many relationships in our lives, but the unique
nature of the parent-child relationship is so special, so
deep, so life changing, that we endure and even embrace
the pain because we had, for that time in our lives, a
relationship of pure love and pure joy with our child.
There is no way to measure the depth, width or volume
of a parent’s love. It exceeds every other human
relationship. Yes, we miss them terribly. We weep
silently into our pillows at night. We light candles, take
flowers to the cemetery, wear their favorite colors,
treasure pictures of our children and keep them forever
in our hearts. This is a big part of life for every bereaved
parent.
Somehow, on the summer solstice, I felt my child’s
presence in the light of the day and the beautiful rose
color of the solstice sunset. I could hear his voice, see
his smile and feel his emotions. Peace slips into our
hearts in extraordinary ways.
Submitted by Mina & Quintin Ramsey
in loving memory of their son,
Monta “Tay” Hunt, 7/1/85 – 10/23/10
Grief Support For Siblings
When a child has died, siblings are often referred to as
“the forgotten mourners.” While parents usually receive
much support, siblings usually receive little—often
being asked “How are your parents doing?” The
Compassionate Friends is an organization that is not just
for bereaved parents. It’s also for bereaved siblings (and
grandparents).
All TCF National Conferences & many regional
conferences offer workshops and other activities
specifically geared for bereaved siblings.
Online Support Community (live chats) allows you to
talk with other bereaved siblings from across the country
during the Online Support Community sessions held
every week. These sessions are limited in number of
participants and have trained monitors who are also
siblings. Check out www.compassionatefriends.org and
go to Resources/Siblings.
By Annette Mennen Baldwin, TCF, Katy, Texas
In memory of my son, Todd Mennen
6
THE WAVE
Tidal wave
Heat wave
Sonic wave
Whatever you call it
Here it comes again
We just got past
The first set of waves
Swim fast
Swim strong
Let’s get over the top
We have been hit hard
And sure enough
Here comes another one
No time to rest
Even take a breath
It seems we have
Been caught in a
Rip tide
Tossed, turned and twisted
Upside down
We thought that we
Were ready
For whatever comes our way
Here comes the wave
It’s just another day
Siblings Walking Together
(Formerly the Sibling Credo)
We are the surviving siblings of
The Compassionate Friends.
We are brought together
by the deaths of our brothers and sisters.
Open your hearts to us, but have patience with us.
Sometimes we will need the support of our friends.
At other times we need our families to be there.
Sometimes we must walk alone,
taking our memories with us,
continuing to become the individuals we want to be.
We cannot be our dead brother or sister;
however, a special part of them lives on with us.
When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed.
We are living a life very different
from what we envisioned,
and we feel the responsibility
to be strong even when we feel weak.
Yet we can go on because
we understand better than many others
the value of family and the precious gift of life.
Our goal is not to be
the forgotten mourners that we sometimes are,
but to walk together to face our tomorrows
as surviving siblings of
The Compassionate Friends.
~-Richard Leach- South Bay/L.A., CA
in memory of his grand-children,
Frankie & Vanessa Castania
©The Compassionate Friends
Big Part of Me
by Natasha B. McFadden
Justin’s Heart Grief Group
You're my big brother,
the one who's always there.
But because I've never met you,
no one realizes how much I care.
A place for the bereaved to gather to support each
other in times of loss. Meets the third Tuesday of
each month from 6:30 – 8:30 at the Loganville First
Baptist Church. Contact Steve Williams at 678670-3549. This support group was organized by
Kayleigh Ellington, in memory of her brother Justin.
Their mom, Kathy Ellington, belongs to TCF
Gwinnett.
God called you back home,
before I was even alive.
How could he let this happen,
when you were only five?
My love for you is unconditional,
though we've never met.
When I think about never meeting,
I can't help but get upset.
GAINESVILLE SUPPORT GROUP
The Northeast Georgia Medical Center has a grief
support group for parents. Meetings are held the first
Wednesday of each month from 5:15 – 6:45 pm. The
meeting is held at Lanier Park, Gainesville. Contact
Jennifer Sorrells at 770-219- 0271 or
[email protected] for more information.
You give me courage,
and help me to stay strong.
You give me the confidence to keep going,
when my days seem way to long.
And even when I don't show it,
and no one else can see.
You're always on my mind,
you're a big part of me.
From www.bereavement-poems-articles.com
7
Development Center, phone 706-387-0573,
www.integrityofjefferson.com Deana Martin, TCF
member and mom to angels Amanda & Logan helps
coordinate and organize this group. You may also
contact Deana at [email protected]
The Compassionate
Friends is pleased to
announce that
Chicago, Illinois, will
be the site of the 37th
TCF National
Conference on July
11-13, 2014. "Miles of
Compassion through
The Winds of Hope" is the theme of this year's
event, which promises more of last year's great
national conference experience. The 2014
conference will be held at the Hyatt Regency
O'Hare in Rosemont, just minutes from the airport.
Plan to come and be a part of this heartwarming
experience. Check
www.thecompassionatefriends.org for further
details.
Online registration started March 1.The
Hyatt Regency O'Hare, 9300 Bryn Mawr Ave.,
Rosemont, IL 60018, is accepting reservations for
TCF's National Conference. Conference attendees
are receiving a discounted room rate. We anticipate
a large attendance for the conference, so we
encourage you to make your reservation as soon as
it is convenient for you.
TCF Gwinnett Small Sharing Groups
Monthly support group meetings are the heart of
The Compassionate Friends. These gatherings
provide a safe and caring environment in which
bereaved parents and siblings can talk freely about
the emotions and experiences they are enduring.
Parents receive the understanding and support of
others who have “been there”.
We are here to provide hope and encouragement,
understanding & friendship as we all travel the
grief journey. Our lives have been turned inside
out & upside down and we are the walking
wounded who must now figure out where to go
from here, how to put our lives back together to
some degree, and share coping skills and survival
techniques. Together we can share our ideas and
emotions, the questions and trials and tribulations
that we have found ourselves in the very
unwelcome world of bereaved parents.
Kate’s Club
Kate’s Club is a non-profit organization that
empowers children and teens facing life after the
death of a parent or sibling. By creating
friendships with kids and young adults that share
the experience, Kate’s Club guides children through
their grief journey in a comfortable, safe & uplifting
setting. For information, contact Debra Brook,
Program Manager, at [email protected] or
phone 404-347-7619.
SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE SUPPORT GROUP
Meets the first Thursday of every month at 6:30 pm at
The Warehouse at Family Festival, 5095 Post Rd,
Cumming, 30040. The Meeting Room is located past
The Land of 1000 Hills Coffee Bar, down the hall, first
door on the right. For info contact Sherry 404-6600907, [email protected] or Karen, 770-3551024, [email protected]
GOOD GRIEF” Support Group in Jefferson
Meets the first Saturday of every month at 10 am
at the Integrity Counseling & Personal
8
HELP WANTED!
TCF Gwinnett Chapter Leadership Changes
As we all know, the death of our child, no matter
what age or circumstance, is a shattering
experience for a family. When a child dies, to
whom does a family turn for the emotional support
they will need during the grief journey that lies
ahead? If you are reading this newsletter, you
have already learned that The Compassionate
Friends understands that grief for a child lasts
longer & is more intense than society commonly
recognizes. Together as grieving parents we can
offer empathy and understanding of this loss, while
also recognizing that each person’s grief is unique.
TCF Gwinnett Chapter has more changes ahead!
As we all know, life can change in an instant and
we learn how to navigate those welcome, and
unwelcome, new beginnings. What a blessing our
TCF support is here to offer each other hope,
understanding & friendship which needs to continue
for the long-term.
Chapter Leader Candace Jordan has announced that
she has accepted a wonderful new job as Assistant
Manager of the Marietta Metro Extended Stay,
which requires her to live on site, starting June 9th.
Therefore, it is with great regret that Candace is
resigning as Chapter Leader of TCF Gwinnett. As
bereaved parents, we understand the “bittersweet”
moments in life and our steering committee shares
in Candace’s excitement for her new position, but
also we are sad to see her leave. Candace has
given much of her time, dedication & heart to the
Gwinnett Chapter and hopes to be able to leave with
the leadership in good, capable hands. The steering
committee will be stepping in to help at the monthly
meetings, but it is essential that the leadership be
turned over very soon to either a chapter leader or a
team of two co-leaders. According to the bylaws
of the national organization, each chapter must have
a leader who can offer organization, guidance and
support to the steering committee and new
members.
This is not a demanding, full-time volunteer
position! We need a leader or 2 co-leaders who
currently are, or have been, TCF members and are
willing to lead TCF Gwinnett to insure the
continued growth & progress of this chapter.
Without leadership, the chapter will not be able to
offer the resources and support that newly bereaved
parents need. We hope that as you are reading this,
you will give serious consideration to giving back to
TCF. Newly bereaved parents receive help from
TCF and parents who have walked many seasons on
this grief journey are a valuable inspiration &
assistance to all parents. Please call Candace at
678-499-9587 to ask any questions and find out
more information.
However, there are many families who have not
found TCF and may need the support & friendship
our chapter can offer. We all read about
accidents, crimes, illnesses and our hearts ache
because we, better than others, realize what the
parents of that child are now going to have to cope
with.
We are in need of a Community Outreach
Volunteer, who will reach out to funeral homes,
social services, hospices, etc. to create awareness
of our TCF Chapter. We have a Special Edition
Newsletter available for new parents that can be
mailed or given to organizations. It may be as
simple as sending emails, or making phone calls,
and/or mailing the special newsletter. The internet
is a great resource and aid for creating education &
awareness of TCF Gwinnett for families and
organizations. If you would be interested in filling
this volunteer role, or if there could be a team of 2
or 3 people to work together in this effort, please
contact Candace Jordan by email,
[email protected]
Thank you to Clare Norwood, who has
volunteered to help create & mail Remembrance
Cards in memory of her daughter, Jessica.
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THANK YOU! Many parents give back to TCF
through volunteer opportunities as a means of
honoring their child. Without volunteers our group
would not exist. We are grateful to these volunteers:
Candace Jordan, Chapter Leader, in memory of her
son Marcus Reid; June Cooper, Parent Phone
Contact, in memory of her daughter, Wendy McMain
& in memory of her sister, Noreen Keenan; Meg
Avery, Newsletter Editor in memory of her son
James Avery; Barbara Dwyer, Chapter Treasurer
and Leo Dwyer, group facilitator in memory of their
son Matthew Dwyer; Terry Sparks, provides newly
bereaved packet info & as group facilitator, in memory
of his daughter, Natalie Sparks; Diane Wolcott,
Memorial Garden Committee Chair in memory of her
son, Jeffrey; Gary Fox, facilitator, in memory of his
son, G.W. Fox; Joy Crowe, Steering Committee
Member in memory of her son Brenden Elbaz;
Claudine Nickens, Steering Committee Member &
facilitator in memory of her son David Whitley; and
Sandy Lavender, Database Maintenance in memory
of her daughter Ashley Lauren Hull.
Thoughts on evolving as a Bereaved Parent
How quickly the years roll on by. For me as a bereaved
parent it has been seven years already, not a day goes
by that I don't think of Marcus. Because of The
Compassionate Friends and other Support Groups I'm
a part of, I often think of your kids too. I think about a
new group of parents I am bonding with because of
the unthinkable tragedy we share.
What this group has done for me has made me more
aware of the need we have to bond with other parents
in order to "do life" together well. Those who don't
share this pain my not even realize that we are among
their number. Then when aware, the way they interact
with us may change; what do I say now, how do I
approach her, is she okay, can she still do her job, etc...
I've learned over the years I am in a position to help
the outside world understand my world. I am still a
wonderful person who still likes to have fun; I now
have to manage the pain of losing my child into my
lifestyle schedule. I want to be included in parties,
events, voluntarism, and casual conversation; I don't
want someone else deciding for me what's best
because of how my life has been altered. I also intend
for the loss to teach people to be more sensitive about
the gift life and beauty of humanity.
Excerpt from Living the Loss on Father’s Day:
Through the loss of my son, and other family
members, I have learned much on the journey. I
found that I love deeper, I smell flowers longer,
and I savor the sunsets more. I feel the best
when helping others, and I thank God for my
every breath. These are all good things to have
come to me in the midst and aftermath of horrific
pain. How sad it would be if we were not
compensated in some way for our tragic loss, for
life would then truly seem meaningless would it
not?
Through the loss of my father and my son, I
discovered the randomness of death. Death can
hit anyone, anytime, regardless of genes, the
environment, or the best of efforts to stave off
the sting of its reality. There is nothing we can do
that can adequately prepare us for a loss of our
loved one.
Do I feel sad on Father’s day? You bet I do. Do I
celebrate it? Yes I do. I am proud to have been
my father’s son for 15 years and proud to have
been a father to my son for 9 years. I am proud
to be a father for my surviving daughter for 26
years. I am proud to be a grandfather. Everyday
is Father’s Day when you find yourself
surrounded in love from this world and from the
next. Feel the sadness of your Father’s day; feel
the pain, feel, the joy, feel the love that alone
makes it possible to feel the pain.
It is important for our friends and neighbors to share
in our pain because we want no one to feel
uncomfortable talking about loss. Loss comes in
various forms, and no one is immune to loss. The
challenge is discussing it. It's unpleasant. It's sad. It
leaves you speechless; but it has purpose.
I am a stronger person now. I am a leader in my
community. I have a responsibility to strengthen my
peers. I have a stage to raise awareness about causes
that matter to us, in a way assertive enough to not
force my opinion, but to open up new insights on how
to foster discussions about loss. We all will someday
experience it.
Candace Jordan, in loving memory of Marcus Reid
This is the link to the TCF Marietta Spring
Newsletter. If you would like to create an online
newsletter for TCF Gwinnett, please send an email
to Meg Avery, [email protected]
http://origin.library.constantcontact.com/download/get/file/11
13097891905-79/Spring+2014_FINAL+1234.pdf
~ by Mitch Carmody, author of Letters from My
Son: A Journey Through Grief
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TCF Email Account
We have experienced problems with our email
account, [email protected] and have had to
recreate our contacts. Hopefully you are still
receiving news & announcements via email. We
also now have [email protected]
expressly for the quarterly newsletter distribution.
Please contact Meg Avery, Newsletter Editor, at
that email, if you ever have any submissions for the
newsletter. If any of your contact information has
changed, please be sure to send an email to one of
those accounts, or a handwritten note to Meg
Avery at 4575 Forest Green Drive, Sugar Hill, GA
30518.
If you make a monetary donation to TCF Gwinnett,
(which is tax-deductible) you may specify whether you
would like your contribution to go toward the memorial
garden account or general account. You may also
choose to donate a book to our Lending Library, or cards
to be used for our Remembrance Cards. If you would
like to donate cards, please bring them to a meeting and
labels will be added to the back of the card “card
donated in memory of __________ (your child’s name).
$$$ Where does the money go? $$$
Our chapter is self-supporting and donations fund
our chapter activities. We pay $300 annually to
Trinity Christian Fellowship Church for the use of
our meeting space and $100 annually to TCF
National Office for yearly dues. Funds from the
general account pay for: remembrance cards,
postage, labels, printing, postage & labels for our
newsletter, picnic pavilion rental, supplies for
monthly meetings and for information packets for
newly bereaved parents.
We do not receive
funds from The Compassionate Friends National
Office and we are always extremely appreciative
for any contributions. Please be assured, however,
that there are no financial dues to be a member of
TCF or to receive this newsletter.
Gifts of Love
A love gift is a financial donation to The
Compassionate Friends Gwinnett Chapter.
It is usually in honor of a child who has
died, but it can also be from individuals who
want to honor a relative or friend who has
died, or simply a gift from someone who
wants to help in the work of our chapter.
Love gifts are acknowledged in each
quarterly issue.
Please fill out the information below, clip and
mail with your tax deductible donation to:
Barbara Dwyer
TCF Gwinnett Treasurer
4905 Pond Ridge Lane,
Cumming, GA 30041.
(Please make checks payable to TCF Gwinnett.)
In loving memory of Austin Coker, from his
mom, Nancy Coker
In loving memory of Braden Grimes, from
his mom Georgia Grimes
Name_____________________________________
Address:__________________________________
__________________________________________
In Memory
of:_____________________________________
In loving memory of Jenny Gryzinski, from
her grandmother, Dolores Gryzinski
Cards for Remembrance Cards were donated by
Meg Avery, in memory of her son, James
Stamps for Remembrance Cards donated by
Marvin Choate
in memory of his daughter, Fara Nicole
Five bags of mulch for our Memorial Garden were
donated by Michael Lippman in memory of his son
Shawn
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