Gay man`s wife reels from news

B4
Friday, May 13, 2011
Features
The Wenatchee World
Gay man’s wife reels from news
Dear Abby: I recently
learned that my husband
of 35 years is gay. I never
suspected and I am stunned. I
have loved him since we met.
I still do. I have never been
interested in anyone else. We
have three children and eight
grandchildren
who all adore
Dear Abby
him.
I learned his
secret from an
email he left on
the computer
screen. It took
a few days, but
I confronted
Abigail
him and he
Van Buren
told me everyUniversal Press
thing. He has
Syndicate
been with men
since before
our marriage. He assured me
he has never done anything
that could have caused me
to get a disease. I went for an
examination and I’m fine.
I’m lost about what my
next step should be. I’m in
my late 50s. Starting over isn’t
something I ever considered.
I’m seeing a therapist who
suggested it might be simpler
to consider myself a widow. I
have no interest in having sex
with my husband again, but
being apart from him terrifies
me. I feel like I’m in prison.
Have you any suggestions?
Helpless In Miami
Dear Helpless: You are
not “in prison” and you’re not
“helpless.” You’re probably in
shock, knowing your husband
deceived you from the time
you met him. That’s understandable. My advice is to do
NOTHING until you regain
some sense of balance.
Finding that email was
no accident. Consciously or
unconsciously, your husband
wanted you to see it. That
you no longer want to have
sex with him isn’t surprising. Some things to consider:
Does he still want to have
sex with you? How do you
feel about having sex with
anyone? Is your husband
involved with more than one
person or just one? And does
HE want to stay married?
Some women (and men)
remain married to their bisexual spouse. Others marry
people they know are gay. I
do not agree with your therapist that you should “consider
yourself a widow,” unless you
want to be married to the
living dead.
Before making any decision
about your future, you
should contact the Straight
Spouse Network. It’s a confidential support network of
current or former heterosexual spouses or partners
of gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender mates. It helps
straight spouses or partners
cope constructively with the
coming-out crisis and assists
mixed-orientation couples
and their children to build
bridges of understanding.
The phone number is (201)
825-7763 and the website is
StraightSpouse.org. I wish
you luck on your journey.
Dear Abby: I’m a 19-yearold woman. When I was 4,
my mom went to prison for
eight years. It turned her life
around. At 38, she now has
a college degree, a loving
husband, a good job and a
new home.
My two younger sisters say
they don’t want to be part of
Mom’s life, but they never
fail to call her at holiday and
birthday time to pick up
the gifts they know she has
bought them. Afterward, they
don’t contact her or answer
her calls and texts until the
next holiday. It leaves Mom
depressed and feeling used.
I have tried telling them
they’re wrong, but they don’t
listen. They say I’m wrong for
getting in their business. Is it
wrong to want my mother to
be happy?
Daughter On The Outside
Dear Daughter: I don’t
blame your mother for feeling
depressed and used. Your two
younger sisters are manipulative, selfish and self-centered.
However, your mother is
enabling them to behave that
way. Talk to her and suggest
family counseling. She may
be giving and giving out of
guilt, they may be taking and
taking in order to punish her,
and that’s not healthy for any
of them.
Old news
BY LINDA BARTA
World Librarian
100 years ago — 1911
◆ The Fern Candy
Kitchen, established here
several years ago by Mr. and
Mrs. C.F. Eggiman, was
sold yesterday to Jeanette
Edmund, K. Hudson and
Dorothy Eldrige. The
candy-making operation will
continue and there will be a
bakery serving lunches.
◆ Construction on the
Methow Valley & Washington
Northern railroad will begin
in six weeks, according to
J.C. Barton, vice president
and general manager of the
railroad.
◆ Dr. H.A. Saunders
World file photo
returned this morning from
Peshastin where he had been FLAPJACKS FOR FOURTH: The Ponderosa 4-H Club holds its
for several days looking after
1976 Fourth of July pancake breakfast in Leavenworth. Bonnie
the interests of his ranch.
Kurtz, left, assists as Lisa Michael flips the cakes.
50 years ago — 1961
◆ Oroville apple grower
C.E. “Dick” Thayer has
been re-elected chairman of
the Washington State Apple
Commission.
◆ Three local girls were
chosen to attend Girls State in
Ellensburg this summer. They
are Gaye Gudmundson,
Susan Looney and Mary
McPhail.
◆ New officers have been
elected to lead the Whitman
Parents-Teachers Association this fall. They are Mrs.
J. Bev Norton, president;
Mrs. Leslie Vail, first vice
president; Laureen Caswell,
second vice president; Mrs.
G.R. Swaim, secretary; and
Mrs. Charles Lee, treasurer.
◆ Philip H. Adams
was elected president of
the Robert E. Lee ParentsTeachers Association.
Assisting him will be Mrs. Ed
Earing, first vice president;
Mrs. Russell Long, second
vice president; Marjorie
Finkle, secretary; and Mrs.
Frank Nakata, treasurer.
25 years ago — 1986
◆ Becky Dorey is the
ZITS
NON SEQUITUR
GET FUZZY
BALDO
PEANUTS
PEARLS BEFORE SWINE
OVER THE HEDGE
BEETLE BAILEY
RIP HAYWIRE
PICKLES
DILBERT
TUNDRA
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM
new area manager for
Fitness Follies, a division of
Aerobics Etc. of Spokane. The
aerobic dance and exercise
program has been offered in
Wenatchee since 1980. The
other local instructors are
Ruth Smeltzer, Jill Colee
and Carey LaDuc.
◆ Don Reichert, owner
of Reichert Nissan, traveled
to Portland April 17 to accept
a 1985 Award of Merit for
the dealership. Reichert has
received the award 12 out of
the 13 years it has been given.